Expert: Terri Matheis - 10/9/2009

Question
My name is Veronica and I am a 23 year old single mother of a beautiful 2 year old boy...me and his dad were never married but we were together for 4 years and after the baby was 2 months old, we broke up. He took everything, I had to start over, start from scratch...but, I kept my head held high, I worked 2 jobs, I got my apartment, granted we sat on the floor for the first few months, but eventually I filled my home and I did on my own...I spent almost 2 years in the dating scene, never looking for anything solid, I was just to afraid, to afraid to open my heart again just to have it be broken...
About 6 months ago I was reunited with my of my bestfriends from school, we hit it off right away and after about a week, he moved in. Everything was great, we got along, we laughed, the sex was AMAZING, we had so many differences but we just laughed at them, they never caused any problems...and just so you know, during this time he was not working, had no car, no phone, no nothing. I bought him a cell phone, got a few new items of clothes, helped him find a job, basically got him on his feet...we moved into a new apartment, in which I fronted all the money to get and we started our own little home. Once the bills really kicked in and he started having to contribute, things started changing, we began arguing, there was always tension, he was drinking more, dying to go out at every chance he got...he just wasn't happy and inurn I became unhappy...and I am sooo nasty when i am unhappy so I will admit my attitude was NOT helping the situation. But even on our worst days, it was still the best I ever had...And now, he decided that the baby, the responsibility, money being tight and the arguing was just too much for him and he left me...with the dog the apartment and all the bills!!! And I think I forgot to mention he wanted to go to Arizona to persue his passions (music) and I told him I would give up everything, my family, friends, home, job all of it, just to be with him...and he walked away...he walked away to party, to have more money, more freedom, he gave up something real, people who love him, cause my loves him too, his HOME, for that! He seems like he is hurting, but not enough to want to work it out...he says he wants to try dating, try being friends...I just don't know how to go from what we were to that, epically when he left me high and dry...but I don't think I can just give up on him either...but now I am losing my home and I have to start over, yet again! I just need some guidance from an out side person...I just don't know what to do...I love him...he was my rock, he kept me sane when everything else around me made me want to scream, at least I knew that at the end of the day I would have him there to hold me...and I don't know how to go on without that...do I talk to him again, try to make him see we can fix things do i let him go and hope he sees it on his own, do i let go completely and just move on, do i try and be his friend...I am just so lost...

Answer
The key to your answer is in your own words..."once he started having to contribute".  You gave and he took.  Once he was asked to give, the game wasn't fun anymore and he left.  I have a little saying that a caretaker cares for a taker and a caregiver cares for a giver.  Next time, be sure that you are the latter because the first one always ends up experiencing heartache.  Look for someone who takes care of you, too. And your child!  I hope this helps.