About Rebecca Expertise Life happens, If your mind is in a mix up I can help you sort your worries and organize your life priorities systematically. Giving you Non-judgemental answers providing you with a honest answer,I also assist in locating information that may guide you in the right direction. Helping you obtain your goals before, during and after divorce. Physical and mental abuse is an area I am also familiar with, helping you with details and steps to get you the support you need.
Experience 25 yrs of experience with physical and mental abusers and their cycles.
Assist with the preparations of divorce documents and procedures.
Child development; non-healthy relationships and the affects they have on children.
Education/Credentials Advisor and mentor for at risk families
Accreditation/Certification,Child developement
Personal Experience
Question I am a father of three wonderful children ages 3, 5 and 6. My wife of seven years has turned out to be someone completely different than the woman I married. I had no idea what she had been doing when I had to go out of town to work and by the time I found out it was too late. I returned home, as I usually did on a friday night and she was not there, whereabouts unknown, but the kids were down the street at my parent's, so I picked them up and spent the night with them. The following evening she came home and told me she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted a divorce. I was blown away to say the least. We exchanged I love you's over the phone just days before. I called the pastor of our church and asked if we could get in to see him asap and we did. We tried to get to the bottom of the issues we were having but it did not work. All she would say is that she has nothing left for me. Eventually, after she quit going to counciling, I began to find the truth behind all of what what seemed like such a mystery to me. There had been 5 credit cards maxed out and she had been having the bills sent to her parents house or had them on line where I wouldn't find them. She was the secretary of our household and of my construction business ever since I've had to go out of town to find work. She was going to be a stay at home mom until all the kids were in school. I was also in the process of adding on to our house for our growing family and knew we would be on a tight budget for a while. The whole financial situation was quite a mess and it never did come up in any counciling, and now I am stuck paying it all back myself. The most painful part about the way our marriage ended was finding out she had been having an affair. She lied to me so many times and I always believed her. She moved in with this guy and took my kids within a matter of a few months of telling me she was leaving. He takes her on a lot of vacations and even takes my kids on trips now too. I know it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I started drinking a lot as all this was unfolding and I ended up with a dui. I lost my drivers license for a year and just had to spend some time in jail. I have not drank in a very long time now and am trying to get somewhat of a life back, but the pain of how I lost my family just never seems to get any better. The time I spent in jail seems like a walk in the park compared to the prison my once happy home has become. I still see my kids three weekends a month and every other holiday but the time between seems to drag on forever. The one thing I wish for more than anything, is that my mind could be at ease, that I could let go of the resentment I feel. To move on. Any advice?
Answer Hello Eric,
You have two choices, either dwell on the past and never let go or stop thinking about the past and move on. Sounds simple? Its not. The idea of once having a family made you happy at one point of time, now that same thought brings you sadness. Somehow thinking of what could of been keeps pounding in your head and you cant shake it off! That is when you need to take action! when you find yourself thinking, STOP! Distract yourself by thinking of something that makes you happy. This will be a constant battle with your mind,but will become easier the more you practice it, until one day you will realize that you are no longer letting those sad thoughts take over your well being. Guess what? you are the only person that can control your mind. Drinking of course is a easy way out and not a very safe play.(lesson learned?) The main thing is to control your thoughts,Ever heard, "wake up and smell the coffee?" an analogy of thinking in the now. What is thinking in the now? simply paying attention to what you are doing in the now. You ever walk on a sidewalk and see how many steps you can take in one section of the concrete? I have, I can take two steps, sometimes if i take larger steps its one but then quickly falls to two again. Does this sound strange to you? It should if you have never tried paying attention to the now. So, from taking your first step to just enjoying life is completely up to you. Love yourself, You deserve it.
I hope this helps, feel free to reply back, i would like to hear of your progress.
Rebecca
