Expert: Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger - 4/22/2009

Question
My wife and I were married for 11 years. The marraige ended on an affair, by her, but was not the reason for the breakup. Within days of moving out of the house, I learned from neighbors that she had a person coming and going from the house. A month later, she and the kids moved to a new house and I learned from my 5 year old son that he boyfriend would routinely spend the night. This was only one month after I moved out. In the past year, they have gone away for weekends and my ex-wife is making appearences at social gathering with him and my children. This is very upsetting and I believe that it has all happened way to fast and soon. Has it?

Answer
Dear John,
I think your question has many parts, and I've thought about this, so here's what I can offer.  Having a man coming and going within days of the two of you separating, was absolutely inappropriate.  A month after the separation, I'm guessing she was still married to you, so again absolutely wrong.  Until the divorce was final, she was still a married woman, and married women don't date or have overnight "guests."  Period, end of sentence!  
Now, as to attending social functions a year after a divorce, then that is a different matter.  I will tell you this, though.  If this is the same man she cheated on you with, their future together is quite bleak.  It does seem that women move on faster after a divorce than men do, in general, or in the case of cheating, who ever cheated moves on more quickly.  
My thought here, is most of this has taken you by surprise, so everything seems very sudden and quick.  If they had just started dating a year after the divorce, I would tell you it's been a reasonable time, but breaking up a marriage to have this relationship was just wrong all the way around.  In my opinion, there is never a reasonable time frame in which unfaithfulness becomes a respectable relationship.
I'm sorry for what you are going through and I wish you happiness as you move on in life.
Kind Regards,
KD
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