AboutBecky Whetstone, Ph.D. aka Doctor Becky Expertise I can answer questions regarding marriage and family concerning marital crisis, separating, Managed Separations, deciding to divorce, the divorce process and divorce therapy, and post divorce issues. I am a psychological and mental health specialist, and not an attorney, so unfortunately I wouldn't be able to answer your legal questions -- but I look forward to any questions regarding relationship health or deciding to separate of divorce – including those about children.
Experience I am a Marriage and family Therapist and work with couples and families in marital crisis and/or considering divorce every day. I help them make the wisest possible decision for them, and help them put their marriage on track or help ease them through divorce.
Organizations American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Texas Association of Marriage & Family Therapists
San Antonio Association of Marriage & Family Therapists
Publications San Antonio Express-News
North San Antonio Times
Education/Credentials M.A. and Ph.D. in Marriage & Family Therapy
BA in Journalism
Licensed Professional Counselor
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Question i have been married for almost a year. My husband is very loving and caring the only problem he will not get a job. He is an aspiring writer and spends all his time on his computer but refuses to get a part time job in the meantime to help with everyday expenses. We never do anything as a couple as it means spending money i don't have. I have been patient, supportive, frustrated and even given ultimatums but this has not helped. I no longer respect him and our intimacy has suffered. I am now considering a seperation. What should i do?
Answer Hello Eunique,
Thanks for writing. What an awful situation, I really feel for you.
Lots of things could be going on with your husband from low self esteem to depression. But you can't make him get help or do anything about it, and bugging him about it will only make him more reluctant to find his motivation. Sounds like you all have talked about it and he knows how you feel, and still, nothing has changed.
Your marriage needs a shake-up to change it out of the status quo. I would recommend to not bother him anymore, and to separate, telling him that when he decides to fight for the marriage to let you know. I would then go to marriage counseling with him, but I would not reconcile until he has been "back on the road" for at least a few months. I would also want him to get a physical checkup to rule out any health issues. If his health checks out, then you'll know it's psychological.
