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Divorce Issues/divorcing a criminal


I have a friend who lives in Utah. Husband arrested for child molestation. It is a air tight case.  He is fighting the divorce, and she has found herself paying because of this.  I wondered since his guilt is not an issue why is she paying.  They have no children and they have a house that is heading into foreclosure. Any advice would be great.  Thank you for you time.

It's hard to know from this distance.
If you go to my web site there is an article called how to read someone else's intentions like a pro.
The basic advice is that it's aways a guess and the people good at it always have at least three theories
I'll give you two.

1. Sometimes child molesters are like little children in adult bodies and there is something sad and lost about them. So someone close to one could  feel protective, strangely enough. Like when a little kid does something terribly stupid and wrong.

2. Your friend is a deeply caring person and the husband is about to enter a real hell.  If he goes to prison he'll be tortured by the other prisoners. Everyone will hate  him. His life is over, really.  So she might feel sorry for him. or, being a nice person, and liking to think of herself as kind and caring, she is upset by the fact that now she wants to kill him and she can't deal with her rage. She's buying off her own guilt

3.  This one's for you.

Sad sad sad situation. Sorry.

Philip Alan Belove, Ed.D.  

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Philip Belove, Ed.D.


Divorce is the beginning of a life review process. For many people, it`is the first intentional decision they make about their lives. The transition into the next stage of life is difficult at first, but it gets easier. The questions I can help you with: What happened? How do I take care of our children? How do I get over my anger? How do I plan a future for myself?


I am Philip Belove, psychologist and coach. My specialty is helping people do their midlife transformation work, a psychological project that creates a foundation for happy and satisfying second half of life.

Midlife Work, because it involves so much careful attention to inner truth, is notoriously stressful on marriages and on dating relationships.

The challenges of the midlife project are echoed in the typical questions asked me as a dating-at-midlife expert:

?Learning to reconcile what you say with what you do. This challenge is echoed in questions like: Why does he say this when he does that? What is really happening?
?Learning to create your own dreams instead of being the victim of someone else's. This challenged is echoed in questions like these: How do I say that I don't want to xyz? I've been lying about some things and what should I do now?
?Learning to live a life that suits you. This challenge produces questions like Is what I'm doing normal? What if my kids think I'm crazy? How can I say that this is starting to bother me?

A person doing Midlife Transformation Work needs to develop 1) A Working Vision, 2) Skills and Strategies to realize that vision, and 3) External sources of support for the project. My role for people is to be part of the support system. I help people clarify their visions, develop the strategies and skills they need, and I help them review their progress.

M.A. Counseling Psychology
Ed.D. Counsulting Psychology (Family Therapy)

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