Divorce Issues/Divorce Issues


I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 years . I have not met his ex wife yet ..I have recently moved in with him .. He is divorced with 2 children now ages 18 and 16 .  The son has an upcoming football game in NC .. Initially his ex wife could not take off of work to go but now has the problem is he feels bad taking me that she has to drive alone although I would be willing to drive with her . When we first talked about it I told him that I would not be comfortable with him and his ex wife going away together that when your in a relationship with someone you do not go away with your ex spouse without the person in the relationship going along as well. Now he wants me to stay in the hotel room while they go to the game he says that its not the place for us to meet .. He will be uncomfortable with us sitting together and it would not look right if she sits alone .. Should I just stay home and its it normal when you have been in a relationship with someone for so long to expect to go away with your ex for the kids .. I have told him that I would like to meet his ex wife and this way be able to go to his kids things and be at significant events.. He says to take baby steps what is your opinion ?

Dear Lorraine,

I try to give advice from a spiritual or at least unbiased perspective, but your question hit too close to home to not share what I have experienced first hand.

If you've been dating for five years and never met his ex-wife, "baby steps" isn't even part of the equation.  "Baby steps" would have been some event about 4 years ago when the two of you had been together for a year.  This is the situation and like it or not, you will always be second in consideration.  I know, I have a husband just like this.  It works for me, because I decided to just fix his meals, do his laundry and have my own life.  We've been married over 13 years, but we clearly did not build a life together . . . and I wouldn't even consider it at this point.

If you've lived with this arrangement this long, and the children are nearly grown, then perhaps this relationship will work for you, but it most likely will not change.  That's worked for me very well in my situation, but it wouldn't have if I were younger.

I wish you well and would like to remind you, you deserve to be first in someone's life, if you are putting them first.

Kind Regards,
KD Liz

Divorce Issues

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Kindred Beisinger penname K D Elizabeth Beisinger


I can answer general questions regarding separation, property, and some custody questions. I cannot answer legal questions or specific questions pertaining to individual states and counties. I can offer support through the pending time, as well as offering assistance and ideas as you move on as a single individual. I can tell you how to avoid repeat pitfalls and help you learn to leave old baggage out of new relationships. I can help you work through the contemplative time of "what if" and "if only." I am able to offer advice in dealing with unnecessary guilt, undeserved judgment, and share insight as to discerning between concerned friends, family and coworkers and nosey gossips.


I have been divorced more than once and am now married to my soulmate. We are living the exact life we both wanted to build 30 years ago, long before we ever met. Well actually it's better than I had dared hope.

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.