Expert: Equality in Marriage Institute - 1/3/2006

Question
I need to know how to end my over 12 year marriage without the high cost of greedy attorneys because I am unemployeed after 25 years in Cooperate America.  I also have fear that my spouse might become violent and I am sure that he will contest the Divorce because he says that I am mentally ill and our child isn't going anywhere and will remain in our home.  I don't have $5,000 retainer fees for attorneys but need to get out of this emotional divorce.

Answer
Dear Michelle,

One of the best places to start is to educate yourself on the laws of your state and the divorce process. Most State Bar Associations have a website where the public can view or download information on divorce. Here are a few other sites to get you started: equalityinmarriage.org, divorcesource.com, nolo.com and divorcemag.com. By educating yourself before you take the action of informing your spouse you will be better prepared for how he may react.

As you noted in your email he will probably contest the divorce. A contested divorce will take longer and cost both of you more money and time. The more you can agree to before enlisting lawyers the less expensive and faster the process will be.

Finding a lawyer to assist you will take some time. Some attorneys offer a sliding scale fee, others will work pro bono. The referral area of your bar association may be able to give you list of lawyers. Many states also have legal aid available but there are income requirements that you would need to meet. Not all attorneys require $5,000 retainer fee. Contact your bar association to see what is acceptable for a retainer.

For information relating to your child and custody, you may want to visit the child support/ custody site (most states have them) to get information on types of arrangements. Also, visit gocrc.com for more information.

Visit your local bookstore or library to read up on divorce and custody. Also use google and search under "divorce + name of your state"- you will find many lawyers sites and articles relating to divorce in your state.

I hope this was helpful.