About Equality in Marriage Institute Expertise As a non profit organization commited to assisting and supporting men and women through their divorce transition, we will answer any questions -from how to get yourself on your feet after being served with divorce papers, questions to ask your lawyer, how to appeal or modify your judgement and the different ways to end your marriage to how to empower and care for yourself, the benefits of joining a support group and how to manage your divorce process. Please note that we are not lawyers, financial advisors or therapists. The information given is intended to provide you with direction towards resources, websites, and answers that can help you through your transition.
Experience We have experience answering hundreds of questions from both men and women who are going through the divorce process.
Question Hello my name is John. I have been married to my wife for 1.5 years. We are not getting along and I am not happy. She is very violent and like it peaceful. Would love to be single again. I need some advice. My wife when I met her was making twice as much money as I was making. She got fired six month later. She decided to go to school at that point and get her second masters degree in education. It took her a year to receive this degree. I moved into her house and allowed her to get this degree without working with the verbal that she will resume working when she gets her degree. When she finished her degree we got married. After 1.5 years she still is not working and this in fact is what is putting a strain on our relationship. I am living paycheck to paycheck barely making it. Two months ago she started working for a lawyer/judge doing paralegal work. She is getting paid under the table. She had mentioned that if we were to get a divorce that she could take half of everything that I have. Which is not much. Is this true? Also there are no assets other than a car that I am solely paying for and it is not worth what I owe on it. Also I have a 401K about 7,000 but I have loans 5000 against it that I had to get to help out for expenses around the house. Also I have 8000 in income tax debt that has to be paid since the marriage. Will they make her accountable for help paying these bills? Or will they make me solely responsible of paying these bills as well as giving her spousal support? Sorry for the long question I just wanted to give you a brief history. Thanks
Answer Dear John,
Your situation is not uncommon. Many couples have financial and communication difficulties after the first year of marriage. There are a couple of options available.
1. You could see a counselor, on your own, about how to help save your marriage. You and your wife could see a therapist/ counselor (aamf.org) and work on ways to improve yoru communication and come up with a more effective financial plan. You could also utilize one of the many marriage retreats (smartmarriages.org has a huge listing by state).
2. You could decide that you have done what you are willing to do and end the marriage. The best way to start this process is learn as much as you can about divorce in your state (divorcesource.com) and the divorce process (equalityinmarriage.org and aaml.org). The more you know the less expensive the process will be. An uncontested divorce is faster and is less expensive than a contested divorce.
Check out your state bar association's website for any information they may provide (many have downloadable pdf's on the divorce process in their state).
Generally speaking, any property (and debt) you have before you marry is solely your responsibility. Debt or assets incurred during the marriage is marital property and is subject to division. If you filed "married" on the taxes that you owe then it is possible that your wife is also resposible for the amount owed. You may not be responsible for paying her spousal support (judges take a lot of factors into consideration, length or marriage and education are certainly factors.).
