Expert: Equality in Marriage Institute - 12/4/2005

Question
My soon to be ex-husband and I have both decided to represent ourselves in court.  Mainly for financial reasons.  We have only two things we really disagree on.  1st:  Our 15 year old son who is on medication and sees three doctors -which I have been handling completely for 3 years, as well as dealing with constant school issues.  He wants 50% physical custody. I think this will be very difficult on our son.  I won't agree to this.  Also, my ex wants me to leave our home and buy me out, keeping the three kids at home.  I, of course, what him to leave.  I have been, primarily, a stay at home mom.  I've worked off and on through the years and am working part time now. I have lived with three years of horrendous re-modeling (that my ex will not finish) and years of verbal and emotional abuse from this man.  Although he has been on his job for 17 years (we've been legally married 15 years, but have been together 22.  We have four children, 21, 19, 17 and 15) and is more financially set, I mantain that myself and the three kids here should be allowed to stay here (as I said, he wants to buy me out).  Now, the real question:  what can I say to the judge, when the time comes, in the short amount of time I will have to make a statement to help my situation?  (I can afford to stay at the house with child support and spousal support as well as the money I bring in.  I also assume, if the judge agrees to let me stay that the he will state a finanical amount my ex will have to pay part of the martgage as he will still own 50% of it...)
Thank you.

Answer
Dear Andi,

Check out equalityinmarriage.org and visit their "when divorcing" section. There is a page titled "if you go to court". Be sure to have a real idea on how much you will be bringing in, how much it costs to run the house (taxes, electric, extra $ if the washer breaks, etc) How much is spent on food each month, doctor visits, car maintainence. The more you can inform the judge of in advance of how much you'll need will help them make a better decision.

Visit you state bar associations website for info they may have on alimony, divorce and custody.

I hope this helps