Expert: Equality in Marriage Institute - 5/5/2005

Question
I'm not sure I have a question - maybe just looking for advice...

I have been married for about 18 years.  The past about 15 have been unfullfilling and just plain
lousy.  We have 3 children.  I offered to do a 50/50 divorce and work it out and save multiple
thousands of dollars in lawyer fees.  Her response was she would hire a lawyer and go after
everything I have, particularly the children, and the house. This is why I'm still married (not
funny) - I love my children, and the thought of going through a divorce with children scares the
hell out of me, I guess due to guilt and certain pain.
So I came up with a plan a few years ago to wait until my second daughter turns 18, which is in 2
more years.  I will still have a young son.  
We have no real relationship, little in common, and little sex (my boy was an accident!).  We went through months of counseling which did little (anything that improved was through my efforts).
She earns about $60K as a schoolteacher, I only earn about $41K (I've made sacrifices in my
career).
What are your thoughts on my situation?  I live in Palm Beach County, Florida.
Thanks!!

Jeff

Answer
Dear Jeff,

Sitting in the middle of the road will leave you nowhere. As you noted you have done what you cn to save the marriage and it's to figure how to dissolve it. Educating yourself on the process of divorce will help you make some confident decisions. Here are the best places to start: equalityinmarriage.org, divorcesource.com, mensdefense.org,aaml.org and nolo.com.

As both of you have a decent income, your alimony maybe nill or non-existant, however, child support for your son will most likey be necessary, unless of course you have shared/ joint custody or sole custody.  

I strongly suggest that you do what you can to keep it out of court- it will cost thousands of dollars that could be better spent on your children's educational future. I do recommend that each of you have an attorney to review whatever agreemnt you decide upon, just to make sureit's all legal in your state. Mediation, arbitration and collaborative divorce are all much less expensive, time consumming and less difficult on your children.

If you think there is any way that you can take yet another chance, visit smartmarriages.com. The have some great resourcs.

I hope this was helpful.