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Divorce Issues/Questions Answered by Expert Becky Whetstone, Ph.D. aka Doctor Becky
| Subject | Date Asked |
| Not happy, contemplating divorce but scared of consequences | 2/11/2010 |
| Q: Good day! My friend has been married for 10 years and with that man for 15 years. She was never ... A: What a caring friend you are! Your friend is lucky to have you on her side, and you ask how you can ... | |
| divorce and moving on | 2/9/2010 |
| Q: Just divorced after 5 years. I was always told I was too controlling and jealous. Things started ... A: One thing I know about people is that they rarely change drastically overnight. Your ex sounds like ... | |
| re-uniting with ex-husband | 2/8/2010 |
| Q: I lived with my x 4 years before we married. Married 14 years and I divorced him. It is been 13 ... A: I am wondering why you tolerate being treated like a second class citizen in your primary ... | |
| the ugly triangle | 2/5/2010 |
| Q: A co-worker and I got together and have been in a relationship that is pretty serious. When we got ... A: It is really tough to be in a situation like you are in and I want to be sympathetic, but you put ... | |
| sleeping in ex-marital home | 1/31/2010 |
| Q: I have been seeing a man for 2 years and he has recently had to move back into his marital home due ... A: I don't know what you mean by "Is it OK to stay overnight?" There are not nearly enough details in ... | |
| controlling ex husband | 1/28/2010 |
| Q: I have been separated from my husband for almost 5 months and my divorce will be final in a matter ... A: You know, there really isn't a time line. I would say when things are stabilized on all fronts ... ... | |
| Unwanted Separation | 1/27/2010 |
| Q: Okay, 3 years ago, I cheated on my wife of 6 years now and we have been together for 8. To my ... A: Go back and read the last paragraph that I wrote to you before: "Even though you are afraid to be ... | |
| Father still friends with ex husband | 1/22/2010 |
| Q: Oh gawd where do I start? My ex husband after 13 yrs of marriage had an affair and no longer wanted ... A: You have my deepest sympathy for the situation you are in, but know that water rises to its own ... | |
| my boyfriend's divorce | 1/19/2010 |
| Q: When I (28) met my boyfriend (38) he told me he was divorced. I then learned he was in the process ... A: You sure have found yourself a prize, haven't you? But instead of first prize, you got the booby ... | |
| children and divorce | 1/11/2010 |
| Q: My best friend just moved out of her house two months ago. She is filling out paperwork for ... A: There never is a "good" time to introduce a new love to kids ... but it is very damaging indeed to ... | |
| Mediation with a Narcissitic ex after 5 yrs | 1/11/2010 |
| Q: 5 years ago after I left the marriage my ex and I went to our first mediation apt. After the ... A: You have my deepest sympathy for having to deal with a narcissist regarding custody issues. I know ... | |
| Not sure about anything??? | 1/7/2010 |
| Q: I'm not even sure how to phrase my questions. I am separated for 7 months but "left" him about 14 ... A: Poor dear. It is tough and confusing after leaving a long relationship. You are wise to be ... | |
| alienated children | 1/4/2010 |
| Q: I was in a psychologically abusive relationship with my ex for 6 years, during which time we had 2 ... A: How sad that your ex is behaving the way he is. Sounds like he has Borderline Personality Disorder ... | |
| Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) | 1/3/2010 |
| Q: My husband was divorced almost 4 years ago. He stayed married for his daughters(now 12 and 18 this ... A: I'm sorry for the situation your family is in -- it is so sad to hear the tale of yet another former ... | |
| Unwanted Separation | 1/2/2010 |
| Q: Okay, 3 years ago, I cheated on my wife of 6 years now and we have been together for 8. To my ... A: I really feel for you during this distressful time. You ask a lot of questions - but I can really ... | |
| stuck in the middle | 12/28/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I'm hoping you can provide some advice. I am the child of divorce. My mother is very proud ... A: I sure do feel for you. This is a tough situation, and your mother ought to know better than to put ... | |
| children's psychological issues PLEASE READ!! | 12/26/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I am a divorced father of two daughters ages 6 and 8. I have been remarried for a year and a ... A: Your question is long, but the answer is short. Unfortunately you cannot control what your ex says ... | |
| Effects of divorce on a 3 year old... | 12/23/2009 |
| Q: I have been married for 5 years and on Friday morning i came home from working all night to find ... A: My, you have really been through a tough situation and you have my sympathies. The answer to your ... | |
| DEPRESSED OVER DIVORCE? | 12/22/2009 |
| Q: I met this guy about a year ago. He has 2 kids which I hve not met, i dont hve kids. We are both ... A: My dear, need to do what is healthy for you, without worry of what it will appear like to his ... | |
| DEPRESSED OVER DIVORCE? | 12/20/2009 |
| Q: I met this guy about a year ago. He has 2 kids which I hve not met, i dont hve kids. We are both ... A: What your friend is going through is not unusual. The divorce, kids, AND he lost his job -- this all ... | |
| Congratulating ex-fiance having a child | 12/14/2009 |
| Q: I want to know when I should congratulate my ex-fiance that I am very happy for her, that she is ... A: You sound like a nice and caring guy -- I applaud you for that. I understand your feelings, and it ... | |
| Congratulating ex-fiance having a child | 12/11/2009 |
| Q: I want to know when I should congratulate my ex-fiance that I am very happy for her, that she is ... A: I lived there for six months in the 1980's and fell in love with your country. In answer to your ... | |
| ex-husband's wife | 12/9/2009 |
| Q: I've been divorced for over 8 years now and am still having trouble with my ex and his wife of 7 1/2 ... A: I feel really badly about what you are going through, and having been in a similar situation myself ... | |
| when to inform teenage son leaving for college | 12/4/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend's son is about to start college. He's the only reason the marriage (only in name) has ... A: There is no good or right time to tell a child about divorce or separation. No matter the age, the ... | |
| divorce in texas, but married in uk | 11/28/2009 |
| Q: my brother got married two yrs ago in england, they quickly moved to his home state of texas where ... A: I feel badly for you and your family. Unfortunately I am more of a psychologist, not a lawyer. I ... | |
| DO I WANT A DIVORCE? | 11/24/2009 |
| Q: I'm 45, have been married almost 25 years and have three kids (18,16 and 11). I haven't been happy ... A: First of all, you're depressed. I feel really badly that you are suffering so, but the mere fact ... | |
| not sure if this is the right place... | 11/21/2009 |
| Q: im not sure if this is the right place to be getting advice, but..im 18, and my parents have been ... A: Ahhh -- I am so sorry for you and what you are going through. It must hurt a lot to see your mom in ... | |
| Lost and Lonely | 11/11/2009 |
| Q: I was with my husband for 14 years and have 2 children together. We recently separated in July of ... A: I am sorry that you are in this stressful, sad and confusing situation. My heart goes out to you. ... | |
| STBX new girlfriend | 11/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband said he was leaving 6 months ago. Our breakup at the time had nothing to do with lack of ... A: Poor woman. I feel for you and the pain you are going through. I know how hard it is. Dearest ... | |
| We have three kids and I want to fix this! | 11/8/2009 |
| Q: So I'm going to try to be as real and honest about this as I can be. I have a ex. She just abruptly ... A: I am sorry that you are feeling badly about your predicament, but in all honesty I have to say that ... | |
| Contemplating Divorce | 11/5/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I have been married for over 10 years and have three beautiful children. Until 8 months ... A: No, I do not think it is good to stay married for the children -- they need to be exposed to a ... | |
| divorce | 11/3/2009 |
| Q: My wife has man at work she has seen for several months now and she tells me he is very kind and she ... A: I am sorry that you are going through your marital distress. First, your wife's relationship with ... | |
| About to deliver 2nd child; contemplating divorce | 10/26/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I'm a 39 year old professional woman who is eight months pregnant. I've got a wonderful ... A: I could feel the frustration you feel oozing out of every word you wrote -- and for good reason!! ... | |
| divorce | 10/24/2009 |
| Q: My wife has a boyfriend that is waiting on our divorce to get his. We have not filled anything yet ... A: I am really sorry for what you are going through. I am sure it is sad, frustrating, and maddening ... | |
| Getting a Divorce | 10/17/2009 |
| Q: I have been married to my husband for 6 months and we have been separated for 3 months. He is very ... A: I am so sorry that you are going through a bad time when this time so soon after your marriage ought ... | |
| failed marriage; probable divorce | 10/12/2009 |
| Q: Dr Becky, My husband of 8 years moved out 12 days ago. It wasn't after a "blow-up" or anything. We ... A: There is no way to make a person admit to an affair. Even normally honest people will lie through ... | |
| failed marriage; probable divorce | 10/12/2009 |
| Q: Dr Becky, My husband of 8 years moved out 12 days ago. It wasn't after a "blow-up" or anything. We ... A: It does sound as if your husband is breaking away, and the sad news is that he is probably not ... | |
| divorce with a 2 yr old. | 10/10/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I have not one nice word to say of my soon to be ex. He cheated on me for a year, emotionally ... A: I am so sorry that you are in such pain after the end of your marriage. I understand the emotions ... | |
| Adultery and alcoholism together - what do I do? | 10/8/2009 |
| Q: I am a 50 yr old Male who waited until 33 to get married to what I thought was my one and only wife. ... A: I'm not sure what you're asking about advice. Legally, I don't have much to say, as I am not a ... | |
| My soon to be ex wifes boyfriend | 10/6/2009 |
| Q: This question may get lengthy as this is a probably not a situation that is brought to the table in ... A: Yes, in my opinion you did overreact. We should allow our children the space to call their parent's ... | |
| deciding whether to seperate | 9/27/2009 |
| Q: i have been married for almost a year. My husband is very loving and caring the only problem he will ... A: What an awful situation, I really feel for you. Lots of things could be going on with your husband ... | |
| divorce | 9/25/2009 |
| Q: My wife has a friend that she says she could possibly date if we get divorced. He works with her ... A: I think you need to worry about yourself and your own health. You can't control what your wife does, ... | |
| divorce | 9/23/2009 |
| Q: My wife has a friend that she says she could possibly date if we get divorced. He works with her ... A: I really feel for you. At the very least your wife is having an emotional affair. If she was my ... | |
| Should I Move On? | 9/22/2009 |
| Q: com volunteer in my field, so I really appreciate your time. I have been married for just over 3 ... A: Your situation is tough -- you believe marriage is forever, but are encountering deal-breaker sort ... | |
| protection of my son from ex-husband | 9/19/2009 |
| Q: I was married for a short time to a man who has turned out to be a very poor excuse for a human. We ... A: Sorry for what you are going through. I thought long and hard about your question ... and I don't ... | |
| Daughter dis-owns Dad and Sis and more | 9/14/2009 |
| Q: First I want to thank you for taking your time to listen and help people like me. It's so awesome to ... A: Raising kids and being a parent if really tough. It's hard to say what went wrong, but it sounds ... | |
| divorce | 9/12/2009 |
| Q: My wife recently told me she wanted a divorce but is going to meetings insure this is what she ... A: Yes, stop giving her flowers and all of that -- those things will only anger and alienate her more ... | |
| daughter having trouble | 9/12/2009 |
| Q: In Jan 2009 I left my husband who was emotionally & financially abusive. I pack up my daughters and ... A: What you are experiencing is a tough problem, and I know you must be desperate to do the right ... | |
| divorce | 9/10/2009 |
| Q: My wife recently told me she wanted a divorce but is going to meetings insure this is what she ... A: You really have my sympathy for what you are going through -- the situation you are in is a tough ... | |
| Ex-husband hates new boyfriend | 9/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I were married for 13 years and have been separated for 4 years. We have a ten year ... A: Great to hear from you, thanks for writing. Is there any reason you and your husband have not ... | |
| What to do?? | 8/30/2009 |
| Q: . My husband & I have been married for 9 yrs & unfortunatly its just not working between us. We've ... A: You have sent in a very difficult and complicated situation for me to comment about, my dear. I ... | |
| How to handle other parent involving child in adult issues | 8/26/2009 |
| Q: Wife moved hours away, forcing husband to start divorce proceedings. Now she has apparently changed ... A: Ruthie, You wrote: "Frankly, I fear most kids would expect their parents to sacrifice themselves ... | |
| Leaving an abusive marriage | 8/24/2009 |
| Q: I recently filed an order of protection against my husband of one year. In the beginning, he was ... A: You did not bring this abuse on yourself. No one deserves to be abused, and there is no excuse for ... | |
| post divorce relationship | 8/19/2009 |
| Q: I am having trouble coming to terms with a situation.. my boyfriend of 9 months still has property ... A: No, you are not being childish. I hear this problem all the time -- the ex husbands or wives who are ... | |
| Trust issues... divorce? | 8/17/2009 |
| Q: About a year ago I confronted my husband about strange behavior including: not coming home after ... A: You poor dear. Life is difficult when married to an addict, and the worst thing is that they have an ... | |
| How to handle other parent involving child in adult issues | 8/12/2009 |
| Q: Wife moved hours away, forcing husband to start divorce proceedings. Now she has apparently changed ... A: and I apologize for not answering you sooner. I somehow did not find your letter in my mailbox ... | |
| Jealousy in my 7 year old | 8/11/2009 |
| Q: I have a 7 year old from a previous marriage. I started dating my boyfriend 2 1/2 years after the ... A: Please forgive me for not writing sooner -- I did not see it in my mailbox although I check the box ... | |
| How to cope with my boyfriends soon to be ex-wife | 8/7/2009 |
| Q: I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we just moved in together a couple of weeks ago. I ... A: It is amazing to me that I hear from people with issues all over the world -- and England is a long ... | |
| visitation | 8/7/2009 |
| Q: When my husband and I were separated and both living in Nebraska he accepted a job in Mississippi. I ... A: I sympathize with your plight. Unfortunately, there just isn't enough information here for me to ... | |
| boundaries | 8/1/2009 |
| Q: Coparenting while living closeby each other presents challenges. My kids ask to play with their ... A: OK, I have a better picture. Thanks. Divorce is annoying, and raising kids with someone you're ... | |
| boundaries | 8/1/2009 |
| Q: Coparenting while living closeby each other presents challenges. My kids ask to play with their ... A: This is a tough question because unfortunately there aren't any details to help me get a clear ... | |
| Confused....returns | 7/30/2009 |
| Q: Well I return again. The last question being if my husband can change as radically as he has since ... A: Leaving someone, especially when you have children, is very complicated, isn't it? Leaving is ... | |
| divorce's effect on 3 1/2 mo-old great-grand daughter | 7/28/2009 |
| Q: My grand-daughter is negotiating a divorce from her husband. She moved from the home this past ... A: With that said, though, you may not like what I have to say, but please know that I get how much you ... | |
| Child custody | 7/24/2009 |
| Q: I am writing to you for a friend of mine who is some trouble. She has 2 daughters who she loves, ... A: I am not a lawyer, so I can't answer questions regarding custody. However, I wanted to comment that ... | |
| boyfriend's ex-wife | 7/20/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating a wonderful man for about 8 months. I feel we have a great relationship and I ... A: Unfortunately the problem you describe is a fairly common one among divorced exes. I feel badly for ... | |
| divorce and step children | 7/19/2009 |
| Q: I have 5 children by a prev. marriage My husband now and I have 1 child we are having money problems ... A: Listen to yourself ... your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive, and he may even have a ... | |
| divorce and step children | 7/18/2009 |
| Q: I have 5 children by a prev. marriage My husband now and I have 1 child we are having money problems ... A: I understand the stress of having children from one marriage that aren't always totally accepted and ... | |
| My wife calls Her ex. | 7/15/2009 |
| Q: This started in March when I saw a text message my wife recieved from her ex that was very explicit ... A: I wish I could help you, but I don't understand your question clearly enough. It sounds like there ... | |
| Confused | 7/15/2009 |
| Q: On the back of the mail that I sent you on the 12/06/2009, regarding leaving my husband, I quote ... A: Noeline, Your question is -- can a person change drastically in such a short a time, and the answer ... | |
| sadness | 7/13/2009 |
| Q: I've been separated for more than a year and i don't know why i still feel sad. I have a solid ... A: You poor dear -- sounds like you are experiencing depression, and understandably so!! You have ... | |
| Vacation Boundaries | 7/13/2009 |
| Q: Dr. Whetstone, Am I over stepping my boundaries when I ask my Ex wife, what adults are joining she ... A: Divorce and raising kids is tough, isn't it? You have my sympathies. In answer to your question, ... | |
| Ex is mad for punishment | 7/8/2009 |
| Q: How do I rationalize withmy ex that my out of control daughter needed to be punished for stealing my ... A: Wow -- it sounds like mayhem at your house. I've raised teens as a single mom, and know how hard it ... | |
| Is he just playing me? | 7/7/2009 |
| Q: My husband of 8yrs marriage,15yrs together walked out 5mths ago on myself and our 2 children. Saying ... A: Greetings down there in Australia! I am so sorry for the distress you are feeling. It DOES sound as ... | |
| Step Mom | 6/29/2009 |
| Q: Ive recently remarried to a wonderful woman and she has two kids 11 and 14. Now previous to our ... A: I hate to tell you this, but I do not agree that you should insist that your daughter call your wife ... | |
| Lawyer like Husband | 6/28/2009 |
| Q: I'm 50 yrs old and have been married and living in Texas for 10 yrs. I'm not American and, though ... A: Wow -- you do have problems. I don't really think I am going to be able to help that much with words ... | |
| seperation???? | 6/26/2009 |
| Q: When i first met my now husband, I fooled around with his so called best friend. Bluntly, it was ... A: What a story you have. And how difficult it must be to live and try to make a life with a man who ... | |
| Separation Looming? | 6/26/2009 |
| Q: Becky, I have been married for 5 years, have 2 teenage stepchildren (I have no children of my own), ... A: You sure have some enormous problems on your hands, and I empathize with you. I once was involved in ... | |
| Adultry/Divorce | 6/23/2009 |
| Q: I am currently married to my husband who has been having a sexual affair since March 23, 2009. After ... A: What you are experiencing is no doubt your own hell on earth, and I am so sorry for that. It is ... | |
| the childrens relationship with a soon to be ex | 6/21/2009 |
| Q: My ex and I have two daughters they are now 7 and 9. Our divorce has been final for over two years, ... A: My how divorce can weave a tangled mess ... what could be a neatly wound up ball of yarn ends up ... | |
| Urgent....What do I tell my child? | 6/12/2009 |
| Q: Like so many others I am in the process of leaving my husband of 17 years (no extra marital ... A: I really feel for you during this stressful time, and appreciate that you want to do the best you ... | |
| Decision to be made | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: I have been in relationship with a man for almost two years now. He was married then but his ... A: and from Canada! Dating men who are married and/or in the process of getting divorced is never ... | |
| Help Needed regarding TO or NOT to Divroce | 6/9/2009 |
| Q: i am very confused to decide about my current relationship. I am from Pakistan. I am married at 24 ... A: It amazes me that on this web site I hear from people all over the world. I also know that your ... | |
| Meeting her children | 6/9/2009 |
| Q: I am in a very serious relationship with a women for over 6 months. I have am going through a ... A: Like you, I would be concerned if I was in a "serious" relationship with someone for many months who ... | |
| divorce, dating and my 7year old | 6/8/2009 |
| Q: My divorce is almost finalized, I have been dating a wonderful man and we are eager to move on with ... A: I thought I had answered your follow-up question earlier, so if I am answering it twice, I ... | |
| divorce, dating and my 7year old | 6/8/2009 |
| Q: My divorce is almost finalized, I have been dating a wonderful man and we are eager to move on with ... A: You may not like my answer, but in the interest of your son, here goes. If you didn't want to hurt ... | |
| Marriage falling apart | 6/5/2009 |
| Q: My wife and I are having real problems and its getting to the point now where most of our ... A: Wow, your question is really complicated. I am wondering if you could go to a therapist in your town ... | |
| Why can't he realize the effect of the divorce on the children? | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: My ex and I were together for 15 years. We have out of that relationship 2 boys, one 13 and one 4. ... A: Divorce is not a great experience, no matter what. But divorce is defined as: "cease or break ... | |
| Moving towards Divorce. | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: my name is David. I am 30 yrs old and have been married for over 3yrs now in a loveless ... A: What a sad situation for you and all involved. I really feel for you. I'm not a lawyer, but I can ... | |
| Transparency after second marriage | 6/3/2009 |
| Q: This is my second question to you. I can call my self a bit of a control freak and that makes it ... A: The more context I have the more I can get the picture! In your latest contact, it sounds to me ... | |
| Transparency after second marriage | 6/3/2009 |
| Q: This is my second question to you. I can call my self a bit of a control freak and that makes it ... A: Rebecca! Thanks for writing. I am curious, why do you view not knowing what happens, as far as ... | |
| Confused and resentful | 6/3/2009 |
| Q: My bf (hopefully, would be husband) has a 18 years old daughter from his previous marriage. The ... A: the question of whether a relationship or a child should come first, and, how involved should a ... | |
| divorce decree | 6/2/2009 |
| Q: When I met my current husband he was just wrapping up a divorce, he had a 2, 3, and 4 year old child ... A: So sorry you are faced with this difficult situation, especially when your heart is in the right ... | |
| Getting rid of a long-term headache | 5/29/2009 |
| Q: Doctor Becky. My boyfriend and I have been living together for over 10 years. I'm a woman in my ... A: Celia, Celia ... I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. While I was reading your ... | |
| New Boyfriend | 5/28/2009 |
| Q: My soon to be ex wife (we have been separated for 4 months) appears to be embarking on a new ... A: Bobby. You can't know for sure, and none of us who have been single parents can know everything ... | |
| not invloving bf with my children | 5/28/2009 |
| Q: I am weeks away from solidifying my divorce. During this process I met a wonderful man. Someone is ... A: What dilemmas we face when being single moms who enjoy dating and relationships! I know, I've been ... | |
| I don't know what to do and so confused.... | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: I am 22 years old and my boyfriend of 2 years is 35. I never thought I would date such an older man ... A: Well, this a problem I hear fairly frequently ... and it basically involves two former spouses who ... | |
| New Boyfriend | 5/27/2009 |
| Q: My soon to be ex wife (we have been separated for 4 months) appears to be embarking on a new ... A: I wish I had more details about your situation, but still I will give your question my best shot ... | |
| ex-wife harrassment | 5/26/2009 |
| Q: How can i get my ex-wife to leave my new girlfriend alone. i have been divorced for 6 months now, ... A: Boy, you ARE in a pickle, and a serious one at that. I am sorry for your distress. Divorce does ... | |
| Re-Marry?? | 5/22/2009 |
| Q: I was wondering how long after a divorce do you have to wait to get married and can you avoid the ... A: Well, are you wondering about what the state law says about when you can re-marry, or are you ... | |
| Is it OK to hang out with my boyfriend's young children? | 5/20/2009 |
| Q: So my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months which is a short time but we have been great ... A: Basically, your boyfriend is right on. What I consider in this situation is not so much what is ... | |
| "boss" issue | 5/19/2009 |
| Q: One of our customers, I might as well call him a boss, was divorced about a year ago and has a 15 ... A: I just signed up to be an expert and yours is my first question. OK ... so, when faced with any ... | |
Divorce Issues
Answers by Expert:
Becky Whetstone, Ph.D. aka Doctor Becky
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
I can answer questions regarding marriage and family concerning marital crisis, separating, Managed Separations, deciding to divorce, the divorce process and divorce therapy, and post divorce issues. I am a psychological and mental health specialist, and not an attorney, so unfortunately I wouldn't be able to answer your legal questions -- but I look forward to any questions regarding relationship health or deciding to separate of divorce – including those about children.
Experience
I am a Marriage and family Therapist and work with couples and families in marital crisis and/or considering divorce every day. I help them make the wisest possible decision for them, and help them put their marriage on track or help ease them through divorce.
Organizations
American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Texas Association of Marriage & Family Therapists
San Antonio Association of Marriage & Family Therapists
Publications
San Antonio Express-News
North San Antonio Times
Education/Credentials
M.A. and Ph.D. in Marriage & Family Therapy
BA in Journalism
Licensed Professional Counselor
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
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