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Divorce Issues/Questions Answered by Expert Philip Belove, Ed.D.
| Subject | Date Asked |
| Relationship Issue with Fiance | 2/5/2012 |
| Q: I currently have a fiance but I am having problems with her dealing with her ex spouse of 10 years. ... A: Fred. Yes, I'd say you guys need to straighten this out before you get married. There's a bit too ... | |
| Relationship - Sinking Deep in Depression | 2/1/2012 |
| Q: Dr.Belove: My situation is unique. I am 43 years old, divorced with three children. When I was ... A: I think this was the part of your question that stopped me, " He said it was my fault, because I ... | |
| Divorce | 1/24/2012 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married almost 17 years. We have 3 young children. Our differences have ... A: Your situation is a very unhappy one, but not an uncommon one. If I read it right, that is. I could ... | |
| i need your help please! | 1/20/2012 |
| Q: im getting divorce i have a baby girl... and im really devastated..im trying not to be, im trying to ... A: I'm not sure what we can do but I'll be happy to talk to you. We can use Skype. The time zones will ... | |
| i need your help please! | 1/20/2012 |
| Q: im getting divorce i have a baby girl... and im really devastated..im trying not to be, im trying to ... A: Brutal story. I'm so sorry. This is the worst pain, really. I've experienced myself more than once ... | |
| Custody and work schedule road bumps | 1/13/2012 |
| Q: My wife and I are in the beginning stages of getting divorced. She is wanting it. We nearly have ... A: The consistency issue is tricky. It's probably true for younger kids, say under 7 or 8, but older ... | |
| Divorce when one parent is an alcoholic | 12/20/2011 |
| Q: My biggest concern with divorcing my alcoholic (and actively drinking) husband is the safety of my ... A: You need to speak to your attorney. Usually what folks do is request a custody evaluation and that ... | |
| my dad moved out. | 11/10/2011 |
| Q: so im 11. and today my dad moved out because my parents hate eachother. my parnts are NOT divorced. ... A: I'm terribly sorry. Dealing with a divorce is like dealing with the death of someone you love. It ... | |
| Hurt Child | 10/5/2011 |
| Q: Me and my wife have been together for 5 years now. I divorced my x wife in 2006 because she cheated ... A: This is a very unusual and unfortunate situation and I can understand why you would be challenge by ... | |
| The new girlfriend.. | 9/27/2011 |
| Q: I have been divorced for a little over 2 years now. We have a 4 year old daughter together. I have ... A: Sounds like things are still pretty raw between you two. Your own strategy sounds solid. Your ... | |
| How should I act and wait | 9/6/2011 |
| Q: I met a woman 9 months ago at the point of separating from her husband. We started an affair and a ... A: Yes. It's normal. Go to my web page www.drbelove.com and read the blog about affairs. It's the ... | |
| Ex Husband | 8/31/2011 |
| Q: Long story short, I was married for 12 yrs, 3 kids later. We had our problems and I know I wasn't ... A: Sounds you were driven to write it. I can barely imagine how much pain and frustration you are ... | |
| Broken Compass | 8/10/2011 |
| Q: I'm separated after 8 years of marriage; she filed on Valentines Day, and am at a real loss as to ... A: That's tough. I'm not sure what to tell you. She's very hurt and feels overwhelmed and manipulated ... | |
| Divorce | 7/10/2011 |
| Q: My husband and I have been back and forth for about 2 yrs we have been married 6 yrs and have 2 ... A: Boy, talk about a no-win situation. I don't see it. I feel like Solomon. His advice was "cut the ... | |
| Harassment after divorce | 6/27/2011 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for a year now. Like clockwork she calls every monday after we ... A: You have two main strategies. First of all, you may need to end up challenging their custody. So ... | |
| Harassment after divorce | 6/26/2011 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for a year now. Like clockwork she calls every monday after we ... A: The emotional divorce is usually more complex than the legal one. I'd need to hear more, but ... | |
| Husband won't get a job | 6/25/2011 |
| Q: I have been married for 7 years, with my husband for 10. When we first got together he worked a 9 ... A: This is tough. All I can tell you is what is coming. A huge storm. You are going to have this ... | |
| BF living with "soon to be" ex wife | 6/23/2011 |
| Q: Some background 1st, I guess would be helpful. I'm 25, my BF is 41 & his "soon to be" ex wife is ... A: Well, first of all, I have to tell you that in my clinical experience of a few decades, maybe 20 ... | |
| Unfair Relationship? | 6/14/2011 |
| Q: Six years ago my girlfriend married her then-boyfriend so that he could get his green card. As we ... A: This is a very interesting and deep question. I'm not sure you've posed it to yourself in a way ... | |
| Unhappily Divorced | 6/13/2011 |
| Q: I was served with divorce papers 2 weeks before I had our second baby. I was at home alone, big as ... A: First, you have my deep sympathy. It is an incredible pain to bear and the part of the brain that ... | |
| divorced since 02 and still cant sever the tie | 6/4/2011 |
| Q: My ex husband and I have been divorced since 2002. Our relationship was great in the beginning but ... A: If you're in therapy and you are having dreams that have a profound emotional impact, then you ... | |
| relationship after divorce | 5/30/2011 |
| Q: I recently read one of your answers on boundaries after divorce and found it very interesting. My ... A: It's not an uncommon situation when the children are younger, but when they are grown and on their ... | |
| Florida Restraining Order? | 5/20/2011 |
| Q: First of all I want to say thank you in advance as I am very confused. Here goes, I am currently ... A: You can try. The judge will have seen every imaginable combination of stuff and that's his/her job, ... | |
| my 4 year old | 5/8/2011 |
| Q: My son is only 4 years old and just recently started seeing his father again.... after 8 months of ... A: This is a very very sad story. Your ex is still quite hurt and has not yet found a way to forgive ... | |
| multiple issues with husband | 4/29/2011 |
| Q: My husband, 50 yrs old, and I, 49 yrs old, have been married for 14 years and have a daughter, 14. ... A: Sounds pretty hopeless. I can't tell if you've left stuff out but as you've presented the case, it ... | |
| After DIvorce | 4/27/2011 |
| Q: Need advice…Husband and I were married 10 years last year. We have been speprated for two years. I ... A: It sounds promising. I think I could help you do it...or someone else could...but I would want you ... | |
| Leaving my marriage | 4/26/2011 |
| Q: *Sigh* I'm struggling towards the initial stages of my separation with my husband. Now that he has ... A: I especially appreciated the "sigh" as the title of the question. Did you know that there is ... | |
| Serious help needed with BF/boundaries with ex | 4/25/2011 |
| Q: I need to give some background to my situation so it makes sense and I can get some useful and much ... A: So that explains why he didn't continue to work. Not good for a relationship to drain you that ... | |
| Serious help needed with BF/boundaries with ex | 4/21/2011 |
| Q: I need to give some background to my situation so it makes sense and I can get some useful and much ... A: I'm not sure what the steps are. There are things he has to do and things you have to do. I'd need ... | |
| Serious help needed with BF/boundaries with ex | 4/19/2011 |
| Q: I need to give some background to my situation so it makes sense and I can get some useful and much ... A: My first impulse is to recommend you speak to a counselor with him. Both of you present. If you can, ... | |
| What to do concerning children from previous marriage | 4/19/2011 |
| Q: I am previously divorced and have two children from that marriage, she lives out of country and we ... A: Tom, my first thought is that you guys give counseling another try. Counseling is not a precise ... | |
| my bf and his ex | 4/17/2011 |
| Q: i have been dating my bf for a year and a half. I am twice divorced. He is in the process, though I ... A: Well, actually you have a very big problem with him and his personality. You say you don't but you ... | |
| knowing when to divorce | 4/12/2011 |
| Q: When do you draw the line in the sand and say, "it's time to move on?" How much do you sacrifice in ... A: Ann, thank you for this generous feedback. My practice is on skype, which means we see each other ... | |
| knowing when to divorce | 4/11/2011 |
| Q: When do you draw the line in the sand and say, "it's time to move on?" How much do you sacrifice in ... A: Your main concern is your kid, 14 months old. Kids do better with two parents who love and ... | |
| relationship with ex-wife | 4/11/2011 |
| Q: I am serious with a man whose relationship with his ex-wife feels uncomfortable. I don't know if I'm ... A: From what little you've said it's hard for me to tell. There is an optimum point of balance. A ... | |
| I screwed up my marriage, help me save it | 4/11/2011 |
| Q: I am desperate for advice. First off, I will tell you that I have been married for 25 years. My ... A: Well, I don't know that it was that much of a mistake. In a forgiving healthy marriage, of course, ... | |
| Husband doesn't work | 3/26/2011 |
| Q: He is 59, doesn't have a vision,doesn't know how to find a job or what kind of job. He is not lazy, ... A: Heartbreaking story. I think it's happened all over in the U.S. It's terrible. four and five ... | |
| looking for advice | 3/21/2011 |
| Q: I have lived with a guy for about 5 yrs. and for 5 yrs almost everyday I hear how great his ex is ... A: I don't have a lot of advice for you, at least not to save the relationship. It sounds terrible and ... | |
| Dating and Children of Divorced Parents | 3/16/2011 |
| Q: I am dating a divorced father who has full custody of two children. He is a wonderful man and very ... A: Wow. Thanks for the feedback. I'm not always amazingly right on target but I have seen a lot of ... | |
| Dating and Children of Divorced Parents | 3/15/2011 |
| Q: I am dating a divorced father who has full custody of two children. He is a wonderful man and very ... A: Hard to say. It's a common problem. I've not found that it's a lingering love for the ex, more ... | |
| Question | 3/14/2011 |
| Q: Sara is struggling with the aftershock of a bitter divorce. She states that after the divorce was ... A: Again, I really can't tell without actually talking to her. It's possible some meds would calm her ... | |
| Question | 3/14/2011 |
| Q: Sara is struggling with the aftershock of a bitter divorce. She states that after the divorce was ... A: No one should do a diagnosis based on so little information. Breakups are painful. Loss of a ... | |
| getting past the past. | 3/8/2011 |
| Q: Where to start. I was/am married, since 2003. Together we have 2 young children and a few months ... A: If a break up lingers more than two years that's a sign that there's something in need of adjusting. ... | |
| Relationship breakup | 3/3/2011 |
| Q: How could my ex gf moved on so fast? We broke up 1 month ago. I found out she was making out with ... A: First, you have my deepest sympathies. Breaking up is about the worst emotional pain most of us ... | |
| please help...this is the hardest thing ever | 2/28/2011 |
| Q: I have been thinking more and more about a life and future without my husband. i should be happy and ... A: Your complaint is a common one although the difference is that usually the man refuses counseling. ... | |
| I don't get it? | 2/18/2011 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, Your profile jumped out and said "ask me"! We've been married for 7 1/2 years and dated ... A: Well, I can only make guesses about the motivations of a person I've not met and I would be relying ... | |
| Divorce | 1/22/2011 |
| Q: I am of age 21 and I married to my relative of age 31.I was doing a six months course that time.then ... A: Maria, there is a true difference in cultures between us. In my culture, we would advise divorce. ... | |
| Relationship issued due to divorce | 1/8/2011 |
| Q: I have been reading posts all night trying to figure out what to do and I feel completely lost. I am ... A: Such a confused situation for you. Bitch or Brat? You may have a bit of that. Most folks do. You ... | |
| relationship advice | 12/28/2010 |
| Q: i am a 25 year old woman engaded to my baby daddy whom i have been with for over 7years. i recently ... A: You'll have to accept the fact that it will hurt him and he will feel that pain for a year or so. ... | |
| For the child? | 12/16/2010 |
| Q: My husband has been diagnosed as Narssistic personality disorder. He does not work, cook, or any ... A: You asked, "what do I do and how to I know I'm making the right decision?" and "For the child?" ... | |
| Seperate Lives? | 12/15/2010 |
| Q: I was engaged for about a year and now he thinks he needs to choose between me and his kids? We were ... A: There might be something he could do. I'd have to have some conversations with him. He sounds like ... | |
| involving kids and holidays | 12/12/2010 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. He was married when we first got together as was I. I ... A: Sometimes people who put a very high value on kindness don't know where to set limits on the demands ... | |
| involving kids and holidays | 12/12/2010 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years. He was married when we first got together as was I. I ... A: Nothing to do this year, that's for sure. My guess is that nothing will change. What he's doing ... | |
| Thinking about seperation/divorce | 12/6/2010 |
| Q: My husband loves me very much and unconditionally however, he has in the 6 years we have been ... A: Rochelle, Your letter is almost more of a helpless lament than a question. This is one of those ... | |
| divorce and child porn | 12/4/2010 |
| Q: Before I deployed to Afghanistan my husband gave me a laptop computer in which he had for 6 years ... A: Well, as I said, my response depended on how old the girl was and whether it was a big pattern or a ... | |
| divorce and child porn | 12/3/2010 |
| Q: Before I deployed to Afghanistan my husband gave me a laptop computer in which he had for 6 years ... A: Oy. My spontaneous answer. Depends on how young. If we're talking pre-puberty it's a problem. If ... | |
| My boyfriend can't let go of the past | 11/6/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I are divorced from previous relationships. He has one "child" with his ex-wife ... A: A relationship a man has with his own child is "a great thing." I can understand why he would ... | |
| Dependent Ex-Husband | 10/26/2010 |
| Q: My ex husband left me (and our kids) for another woman 6 years ago, after 12 years of marriage. He ... A: You've already kindly told him to get a life and find someone else to help him. I'm sure of that. ... | |
| Divorce | 10/26/2010 |
| Q: Belove I am another woman whose husband had "suddenly" disbanded both of our lives by seeking ... A: What you want will take a bit of therapy. A group might do it but really, a series of deep ... | |
| My exhusband and father of my daughter is still controlling and jealous. | 10/18/2010 |
| Q: This is going to be long. I left my ex-husband over a year and a half ago, the divorce was just ... A: Danielle, You've asked me what you can legally do and I can't give legal advice. I have no ... | |
| Abandonment Issues/ Abuse / Emotional Affair | 10/14/2010 |
| Q: I have been married 20 years. For 9 years I have had an Internet emotional affair. We have only ... A: Okay. Thanks for writing. I had to give myself a couple of days to think about this one. I've heard ... | |
| help for my four year old | 9/26/2010 |
| Q: Before i ask my question I would like to give you some back ground history.I left my husband of 12 ... A: Anna, it's a bit complicated to answer all your questions. I can't answer your legal one. If you ... | |
| Parents seperating | 9/24/2010 |
| Q: My parents have been married for 20 years, and are now in the process of getting a divorce. I am 19, ... A: lovely question. You are a very thoughtful and good -hearted person. It's a delicate matter. ... | |
| Divorce Papers | 9/19/2010 |
| Q: Recently, my husband and I have decided to get a divorce. We have 2 small children whom will live ... A: Nicole, this is really a legal question and I'm a psychologist and my expertise has to do with ... | |
| deuy.swart@gmail.com | 9/15/2010 |
| Q: My question is regarding a relationship separation. I have asked many people and so far, nobody ... A: You give a challenge! Can I assist where others have failed? We'll see. Interesting question. ... | |
| Still Trapped | 9/15/2010 |
| Q: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship but it didn't come to my attention until after I was 7 ... A: I'm not sure how much help I can be. I think you need legal help. Would "all electronic ... | |
| PAIN | 9/14/2010 |
| Q: I was 38 years old and had been with my wife (now ex-wife divorced 2 years) for 16 years, married ... A: I had answered this question yesterday and find it's still on the all experts page. I had a long ... | |
| Custody | 9/9/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have a two-year-old daughter. He wants our custody arrangement to be one week with ... A: Tricky issue. If you guys have lots of money and you can set up two nice homes and aren't talking ... | |
| ex-wife | 9/4/2010 |
| Q: this women has tormented me for years with the police and child services[every week],he won ... A: I'm assuming you meant to say "She" won custody.... I'm also assuming that the bills are hers not ... | |
| Attending ex-family member funeral | 9/3/2010 |
| Q: This is maybe more of an etiquette question (not sure). I divorced my ex-husband more than 15 years ... A: Every crime has a statute of limitations. People serve their sentences and time passes. They make ... | |
| Starting my new life | 8/28/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for close to 30 years. 20 of those years have been unhappy. I have 3 grown ... A: Sorry about the delay. I was traveling over the weekend. Your suspicions that the counselors, ... | |
| divorce possible | 8/24/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for 24 years. We have 4 children ages 24, 22, 21, 15. I have 10 ... A: It it's any comfort, this is one of the most difficult and complex questions I've ever been asked ... | |
| Green Light?? | 8/20/2010 |
| Q: I have divoirced my hisband over three yuears ago when my son was ayear and 2 months old. He's 4 ... A: It's a developmental matter. The older he gets, the more complex will be the explanations he'll be ... | |
| Going crazy! | 8/11/2010 |
| Q: I got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship about 9 months ago. We had broken up for 3 months, have a ... A: What a foolish man. I wonder if he knows how foolish he's been. You're still pretty hurt and angry ... | |
| Finding a way | 8/9/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for twelve years and for many years my husband and I have lived a very much ... A: disturbing news about the email bouncing back. Possibly I misspelled. Here are alternate addresses ... | |
| Divorce and Child | 8/6/2010 |
| Q: I got divorced in 2004 after I moved out in 2003 already. We had twins together but one passed away ... A: I just don't know what to say. I don't think I can help you. I believe you are right that he is a ... | |
| should I divorce him? | 8/5/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married 10 years. I am a stay at home mom to our 3 kids. Basically, he ... A: Yes, eventually this goes to marriage counseling. I think that he's been successful enough with his ... | |
| should I divorce him? | 8/5/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married 10 years. I am a stay at home mom to our 3 kids. Basically, he ... A: Okay. That helps a bit. His asking you to forget it is further abuse, in my opinion, and, ... | |
| Finding a way | 8/5/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for twelve years and for many years my husband and I have lived a very much ... A: Hannah, Thanks for this lovely letter and a very touching story you've told. My question to you ... | |
| should I divorce him? | 8/4/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married 10 years. I am a stay at home mom to our 3 kids. Basically, he ... A: Tough call. 2 months isn't that much therapy and you're right, he could relapse. In fact, you can ... | |
| Pregnant before divorce final | 8/3/2010 |
| Q: Here is my situation: husband & I's relationship had been deteriorating for past 5 years. ... A: It will be a bit weird for them, being 4 and 3. But you're asking whether, if she (ex) makes an ... | |
| Pregnant before divorce final | 8/3/2010 |
| Q: Here is my situation: husband & I's relationship had been deteriorating for past 5 years. ... A: As a psychologist it is simply unethical for me to offer any legal opinions. I suppose that if his ... | |
| Estranged wife | 8/3/2010 |
| Q: my partner & i left our ova 10yr marriages to b togetha. I found out after living 8 mths together ... A: Well, let me say a couple more things. First you said, "Okay so now I'm totally freaked out." You ... | |
| Estranged wife | 8/2/2010 |
| Q: my partner & i left our ova 10yr marriages to b togetha. I found out after living 8 mths together ... A: Well, you know why you are hooked by him. That's a start. You know everything you need to know. ... | |
| Estranged wife | 8/1/2010 |
| Q: my partner & i left our ova 10yr marriages to b togetha. I found out after living 8 mths together ... A: Well, Linda, I think you are finally seeing a little sanity here. This could be your wake up call. ... | |
| my friend won't divorce his estranged wife | 7/31/2010 |
| Q: I have a friend who has been seperated from his wife since 2006 and when we met he almost 3 years ... A: First of all, would you mind telling what "OEM" means? It appears in your questions and I don't ... | |
| my friend won't divorce his estranged wife | 7/28/2010 |
| Q: I have a friend who has been seperated from his wife since 2006 and when we met he almost 3 years ... A: Pika, You are caught up in the game at this point. Your last"Am I wrong. Does he want to be with ... | |
| Divorce is Impacting My Relationship with My Daughter | 7/25/2010 |
| Q: After 23 years of marriage, my ex husband decided he wasn't happy and then left me and our 17 year ... A: So many have faced this problem and it is not an easy challenge. I have only this letter from you ... | |
| Getting married to recent divorcee | 7/20/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I'm writing to discuss my concerns about my relationship with my boyfriend whom I've been ... A: It's so pleasing to hear that you made very good use of my response. Very gratifying to me. I ... | |
| Getting married to recent divorcee | 7/20/2010 |
| Q: Belove, I'm writing to discuss my concerns about my relationship with my boyfriend whom I've been ... A: You wish to know what is appropriate. With midlife singles, post-divorce, (you didn't mention ... | |
| Introducing a new boyfriend to small children | 7/16/2010 |
| Q: The divorce papers were served to my wife while she was moving out of my home. She had a man ... A: First my apologies for waiting till after the weekend to respond. Second, my sympathies to you. ... | |
| joint custody | 7/14/2010 |
| Q: i have been divorced since january 2010. he and i have joint custody of our 4 year old son. i also ... A: You've asked many questions, some of them fairly profound. I'm afraid I can only scratch the surface ... | |
| what shoud i do? | 7/13/2010 |
| Q: My wife has cheated on me more than twice in the past 15 years of marriage. Now she separated our ... A: It sounds like you are reaching the end of your rope. I'm sure the kids know you hate each other. ... | |
| boyfriend of 16 months | 7/11/2010 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 16 months is still wanting to hang out with his ex-wife's family and friends despite ... A: Tiffany, this is one of the most common questions I get asked. I would deeply appreciate being able ... | |
| Seeing a divorced older woman | 7/8/2010 |
| Q: So, I am seeing this woman who is 43, I am 28. I met this girl at work, i drive a taxi, and one ... A: Jim, this is a really, really interesting question and story and I hope you follow up on this ... | |
| HOW CAN I FIND OUT IF THE MAN IM SEEING IS DIVORCED | 7/1/2010 |
| Q: I'M SEEING THIS MAN, HE WANTS TO GET MARRED... BUT HOW CAN I FIND OUT IF HE IS DIVORCED? I HAVE BEEN ... A: Michelle. It's a very interesting question but I don't know enough about that kind of research, ... | |
| Moving forward in a new relationship! | 6/29/2010 |
| Q: I was married for 15 years when I got divorced. Our divorce was particularly difficult because we ... A: That's a lot better, thanks. Strange how it feels like I'd read your first question and answered ... | |
| Moving forward in a new relationship! | 6/26/2010 |
| Q: I was married for 15 years when I got divorced. Our divorce was particularly difficult because we ... A: I have two reactions. First is that it seems to me that I've answered this question before, maybe ... | |
| How to deal with a wife / ex-wife of an alcoholic | 6/24/2010 |
| Q: ! I think I have a good question for you. I am an alcoholic who is 35 days sober. My wife is the ... A: Her refusal to go to Alanon is a signal about something. Not sure what just yet. Some possible ... | |
| separation/divorce/health issues | 6/22/2010 |
| Q: I have been separated from my spouse for a year now. I have decided that there is no chance of ... A: Having a good heart is a great burden. Seems to be the theme of the week in my practice. Also, I'm ... | |
| court order | 6/18/2010 |
| Q: I have two mental health psychosocial evaluations. One dated in 2002 the other in 2006. Both have a ... A: Sounds like you have a very good case. Sounds like she should be prevented from any further ... | |
| court order | 6/18/2010 |
| Q: I have two mental health psychosocial evaluations. One dated in 2002 the other in 2006. Both have a ... A: YOu still haven't told me why you lost custody and this is a very important part of the story. ... | |
| court order | 6/18/2010 |
| Q: I have two mental health psychosocial evaluations. One dated in 2002 the other in 2006. Both have a ... A: It might but I'm not the one making the decision. There are three possibilities I can think of ... | |
| her past and relationship with ex | 6/17/2010 |
| Q: im having some problems with my girlfriend´s divorce we´ve been dating for a year and a half and we ... A: Alexis, you are a very good hearted soul. Very generous. This man sounds extremely difficult, and ... | |
| custody | 6/17/2010 |
| Q: I was court ordered to take a pssychosexual evaluation before I could visit my son who is in ... A: I'm really on the edge of my competency here and there's lots that I just can't help you with. The ... | |
| custody | 6/16/2010 |
| Q: I was court ordered to take a pssychosexual evaluation before I could visit my son who is in ... A: That's quite a strange story. Why would the court order such a thing? And then also, why is your ... | |
| Sister-In-Law | 6/15/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for 4 years to my second husband and I am his second wife. He was married for 10 ... A: I'm so sorry you've had to deal with such rudeness. And yet this is a very difficult situation and ... | |
| divorce and custody | 6/12/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have a 7 week old baby and recently our relationship has been going downhill. We ... A: My first suggestion is that you find a way to save the marriage and that you bring in professional ... | |
| 3yr old exhibiting odd behavior 2 yrs post Divorce | 6/9/2010 |
| Q: My ex-husband and I get along well, we share custody of our almost 4 yr old daughter by a schedule ... A: It's hard to know on this one. Divorce is very hard on kids and the younger they are, the harder. ... | |
| My husband wants a divorce | 6/2/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for three in a half years. We have two children together--daughter 2 yrs, son 2 ... A: I know about that moment. It's a horrible time. He seems to have already withdrawn his love. I would ... | |
| Husband Won't Look for Job | 6/1/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for 25 years. We have two children, a 20 year old and a 13 year ... A: Do me a favor and let me know what you do and how it goes. Also, if you want to be part of the blog ... | |
| Seeking Balance | 5/30/2010 |
| Q: I have been in a loving, healthy relationship with a wonderful man for over 7 years. We started ... A: You sound a bit like you've been backed into a corner. You're starting to propose all or nothing ... | |
| divorce | 5/27/2010 |
| Q: My, now ex, husband and I recently filed for divorce, which was finalized on April 29, about 4 weeks ... A: You've asked me for a legal opinion which I, as a psychologist, cannot give. However, I do suggest ... | |
| relationship | 5/22/2010 |
| Q: I have been dating someone for the past 12 years. Both of us have children and wanted to get them ... A: Matt, it sounds like you guys are doing a great job of this. I think there are times when the ... | |
| its getting bad | 5/22/2010 |
| Q: I live in southern ohio. I am going through what has become a nasty divorce. I lost my job after ... A: I can only give you psychological advice and you need a lawyer here. You've got a nasty situation ... | |
| divorce | 5/21/2010 |
| Q: My question is that our separation agreement states that my 11 year girl is supposed to come with me ... A: Ken, I can't give you legal advice. I'm a psychologist. My impression is that you have a legal ... | |
| Seperation. | 5/19/2010 |
| Q: I have been in my relationship for almost 9 years even though I am only 24, and he is 28. I always ... A: Very sad place for you to get to. So sorry. You have serious challenges ahead and lots of work to ... | |
| Divorce - how to get started | 5/19/2010 |
| Q: We have been married for a little over 3 years. My husband verbally abuses & belittles me on an ... A: Why don't you want to file a restraining order? I am not a lawyer and much of your question is ... | |
| Divorce | 5/12/2010 |
| Q: I have been separated for over a year now I left my ex husband because he was very controlling..If ... A: The whole situation does sound pretty crazy. Probably was a good idea for you to leave, given the ... | |
| Post-divorce family functions | 5/4/2010 |
| Q: My parents divorced over this past winter due to my Father's infidelity. Since then, my Father has ... A: Tyler, Do you have enough of a relationship with your dad's new girlfriend to discuss it with her ... | |
| Dealing with relationships after a divorce? | 4/22/2010 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, I am 30 ad have been divorced for 4 years but only seperated from her after trying to ... A: You are prematurely wise. Usually guys don't start questioning their ways until 40 or even 50. ... | |
| Separation - Effects on child | 4/13/2010 |
| Q: My wife and I are currently separated. She and our 2 year old daughter moved in with her parents 2 ... A: What's best for your daughter is for her parents to find a way to reconcile and be two parents who ... | |
| Divorce and kids (michigan) | 4/9/2010 |
| Q: I've been married for 19yrs 2 boys 14/11 my wife went back to work 3 yrs ago and now has a boyfriend ... A: Wow. Talking about adding insult to injury. As far as I know yours is the first of those recession ... | |
| Divorce and kids (michigan) | 4/8/2010 |
| Q: I've been married for 19yrs 2 boys 14/11 my wife went back to work 3 yrs ago and now has a boyfriend ... A: This was tricky. I'm glad you found it helpful. Good luck. If you don't mind me adding a few things. ... | |
| The old family and the new family | 4/1/2010 |
| Q: My question takes a question from last week a little further. My boyfriend and his ex have been ... A: The whole issue turns on whether you are included. If you go to the cabin with him, if his ex ... | |
| how do I manage my son and separation | 3/30/2010 |
| Q: My partner and I have recently separated. we have a 4 yr old boy together and I have 2 teenage ... A: He will not be happy again, not for a long time. This will be a wound he will carry. Expect ... | |
| Property | 3/25/2010 |
| Q: I rodeoed while i was married and won many saddles and buckles. now that i am getting divorced my ... A: Certainly not morally. However, legal stuff is a different world and don't forget that. He can ask ... | |
| Divorced couples spending time together with child | 3/23/2010 |
| Q: My question is it healthy for a divorced couple or a couple going through divorce who don't live ... A: It's very hard for a 6 year old to grasp the reality of a divorce. The usual way to handle it is to ... | |
| wife wants me to leave or divorce but she hs no job or car | 3/21/2010 |
| Q: My wife and I have been married for 8yrs. She now tells me she wants a divorce and wants me to ... A: This is a bit confusing. Sounds like you think she's been cheating and at the same time she wants ... | |
| No formal agreement | 3/14/2010 |
| Q: We have been separated for 5 years but still cannot finalize a separation agreement. We've been ... A: I forgot to tell you that I'll be starting a blog or newsletter in the next month or so and I want ... | |
| No formal agreement | 3/13/2010 |
| Q: We have been separated for 5 years but still cannot finalize a separation agreement. We've been ... A: I'll need to know more. First of all, let me be clear, I can not offer you any legal advice. I'm ... | |
| planning to take divorce | 3/11/2010 |
| Q: I am married since four and half years, it was an arrange marriage. My husband has slapped me ... A: Okay. Well, you look at his mother and you can see yourself in several years. Financial worries ... | |
| planning to take divorce | 3/10/2010 |
| Q: I am married since four and half years, it was an arrange marriage. My husband has slapped me ... A: Sounds like you've really thought this thing through. The fact that he's much like his father ... | |
| Should I stay in my marriage for my children? | 3/9/2010 |
| Q: I am a stay at home mom with five kids. I have been married to my husband for ten years. My husband ... A: It's a tough call. It could be said that you should do your best to straighten out your marriage ... | |
| planning to take divorce | 3/9/2010 |
| Q: I am married since four and half years, it was an arrange marriage. My husband has slapped me ... A: Well, first, get yourself a lawyer. Second, the marriage might still be workable even with all ... | |
| divorced friend with teenager | 3/9/2010 |
| Q: I have a friend who is in his late 50's dating someone in her late 30's. It seems they may have ... A: I don't know if it's normal. It's certainly not unusual. Sounds like the man is in a sexual ... | |
| BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BY MY SON | 3/8/2010 |
| Q: I have been divorced for 3 yrs. separated for 5.Ex has not paid 1 dime of child support, bad mouths ... A: If you do not learn the life lessons you need to learn, then your children will have to learn those ... | |
| marriage trouble | 2/27/2010 |
| Q: i have been married to my husband for 11 years we have a son who is 8 and he has autism, my husband ... A: This is a very difficult situation you are burdened with and at the same time, the decision to ... | |
| Confused | 2/26/2010 |
| Q: What is considered desserted or abandonment of a marriage? After 20 years of marriage, the spouse ... A: At first I thought yours was a legal question but then I read on. I have worked with people who had ... | |
| Trying to figure it all out | 2/26/2010 |
| Q: I left my husband in July 08. It wasn't supposed to be permanent. We were in TX and I came to see ... A: Hard to say about possibilities. I think your theory about him having started the affair when he ... | |
| Children | 2/23/2010 |
| Q: I am 53 and have no children. It is always challenging to meet a woman's children from a previous ... A: It's a good one and you have clearly identified one of the specific challenges people at midlife ... | |
| Moving on | 2/20/2010 |
| Q: I've been divorced for 1 year now and still can't move on with my life. My marriage was doomed from ... A: This is really too complex a question and you've given me too little information. It's the sort of ... | |
| divorce | 2/20/2010 |
| Q: My son, 27, is going through a divorce. He was with her 7 years, married 3 months, when he found ... A: I don't have statistics. There are two schools of thought about cheating. One is the Tiger Woods ... | |
| My nephews want to hang out but their mother won't let me come to "her" house... | 2/18/2010 |
| Q: My brother is going through a divorce and our family has never been fond of "hers." So we've ... A: If their mother is giving them reasons like, "she's sick," or "She doesn't want company," then all ... | |
| moving on | 2/9/2010 |
| Q: Just divorced after 5 years. I was always told I was too controlling and jealous. Things started ... A: This is pretty tricky, I think. You are a good hearted and caring guy and you see a lot in other ... | |
| Dealing with the ex wife | 2/4/2010 |
| Q: I need some advice. I have been dating a man for almost a year now and living together for about 5 ... A: Very interesting and complex situation you have on your hands. You seem to be struggling with it ... | |
| step parenting | 2/4/2010 |
| Q: My ex husband and I have two children together. He is living with his fiance,Mary, and her two ... A: I had to make a chart in order to keep track of the different relationships and it seemed that of ... | |
| Getting my husband back | 2/3/2010 |
| Q: We are not divorced, but we are living apart. He recently stated that he does not want a divorce, ... A: You can't let the issue die, unfortunately because it's a living toxic issue to both of you. You ... | |
| Getting my husband back | 2/3/2010 |
| Q: We are not divorced, but we are living apart. He recently stated that he does not want a divorce, ... A: Good for you for reaching out. Good for you for realizing that you lost it. That's probably why he ... | |
| Complicated boyfriend | 1/22/2010 |
| Q: My boss introduced this site to me and just adviced me to go check and read some situations..I just ... A: I believe I just answered your question privately through direct email. If not. let me know. Here is ... | |
| Apropriateness of continued contact w/ ex-lovers. | 1/20/2010 |
| Q: I got divorced a little over two and a half years ago, stayed out of the dating scene for almost a ... A: Well this is complicated and worthy of careful thought and attention. You can probably bet that if ... | |
| To just divorce or give it another go | 1/16/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for about 2.5 years. My husband and I have been separated however for 2 months. ... A: Oh dear. This probably is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make and you draw ever closer ... | |
| How to go about leaving my husband | 1/13/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for 10 years and for the past two I have wanted to "get out". I don't know how ... A: Very sad story. I do know men who are not at all sexual but twice a year is very rare and I would ... | |
| dating at midlife | 1/13/2010 |
| Q: I am 40 years old, have been divorced 4 years. About 8 months ago I began dating a man I've known ... A: Well you did give him an ultimatum. I thought it was a good idea to do but the fact that he ... | |
| How to go about leaving my husband | 1/13/2010 |
| Q: I have been married for 10 years and for the past two I have wanted to "get out". I don't know how ... A: My first thought was to wonder whether children were involved and I see that they aren't, so that ... | |
| My husband wants a divorce and i dont want to lose him | 1/9/2010 |
| Q: My husband and I have only been married for 7 months and he wants a divorce. I will not lie and say ... A: Very very delicate situation. I think that you should make your offer to him and make your offer ... | |
| Dating a divorced man | 1/5/2010 |
| Q: I've been dating this man going on our 3rd year. He has one daughter from his marriage..she is ... A: Wow. I was pretty right. So the pattern is clear and right there to be seen. You can't change ... | |
| Summon's for a divorce | 1/4/2010 |
| Q: My son is a student, last year in college. He has been separated from his wife since July. She had ... A: He can't afford not to. He'd be setting himself up for something he might be paying for for a long ... | |
| Dating a divorced man | 1/4/2010 |
| Q: I've been dating this man going on our 3rd year. He has one daughter from his marriage..she is ... A: Please, I'm going to offer some clinical hypotheses based on my experience and general principles. ... | |
| Want my husband back | 12/31/2009 |
| Q: I have been married for 16 years to a man that is an alcoholic but he denies that he is, he has ... A: I can't really tell whether you can win him back or help him with his drinking. I can only tell you ... | |
| Dad moving out. | 12/28/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I are having a trial separation. I am not hopeful that things will work out but he ... A: In my previous note I gave you an idea of a script to use. Without knowing more, that's the script ... | |
| Dad moving out. | 12/28/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I are having a trial separation. I am not hopeful that things will work out but he ... A: She'll have a hard time with it no matter what you do so prepare yourself. She will most likely hold ... | |
| Now What? | 12/21/2009 |
| Q: I have been married for four years and I am at a really difficult time in my life. I have to decide ... A: Good for you. This is what you need to do. Your goal is to learn how to be sure you stand up for ... | |
| Now What? | 12/18/2009 |
| Q: I have been married for four years and I am at a really difficult time in my life. I have to decide ... A: It is difficult to advise you because I only have a general sense of what went on. Therefore I can ... | |
| New boyfriend's ex is his best friend and they go on vacations with the children | 12/17/2009 |
| Q: I read the other post that was similar and loved your advice but my situation is a tad different. ... A: It really does sound a lot like a question I recently answered. A lot. I don't remember my advice ... | |
| How do I fix my | 12/11/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I were best friends and well we have both destroyed everything. Now he lives far so I ... A: This really is a job for counseling and Alanon. You guys have made a mess on an heroic scale. Now ... | |
| How do I fix my "DESTROYED" marriage? | 12/11/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I were best friends and well we have both destroyed everything. Now he lives far so I ... A: It may be too late. That you have to accept. Then, the next thing you have to accept is your ... | |
| letting go | 12/8/2009 |
| Q: after being married to this guy for 5 years he decided to divorce me. during our time he was an ... A: Okay. Good. So you think it's already happened. You really don't trust him or his commitment and, ... | |
| letting go | 12/8/2009 |
| Q: after being married to this guy for 5 years he decided to divorce me. during our time he was an ... A: Start by asking yourself a couple of questions. Be as honest as you can. What are you most afraid ... | |
| Dating after Divorce | 11/28/2009 |
| Q: I was divorced a year and a half ago. I am dating a man ten years my senior who was divorced five ... A: It sounds like you did a very fine job. It also sounds like he stepped up to the challenge...which ... | |
| forced | 11/27/2009 |
| Q: Bio dad was absent for five-six years and was told about the child. bio dad filed to have full ... A: For bonding, try this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_bonding and read the section on parental ... | |
| forced | 11/27/2009 |
| Q: Bio dad was absent for five-six years and was told about the child. bio dad filed to have full ... A: Your opening sentence caught my attention: Bio dad was absent for five-six years and was told ... | |
| Dating after Divorce | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: I was divorced a year and a half ago. I am dating a man ten years my senior who was divorced five ... A: Interesting that he knew you were going to snoop and still carried on some contexts and then erased ... | |
| Dating after Divorce | 11/25/2009 |
| Q: I was divorced a year and a half ago. I am dating a man ten years my senior who was divorced five ... A: It's a tough call. What's good about your position is that you at least acknowledge your own ... | |
| how to bring the kids into a relationship after separation | 11/24/2009 |
| Q: I am in a serious long distance relationship with a girl that has has two daughters, one 18 and the ... A: It is tricky and you both sound like you are being very sensitive. I don't know if I can do justice ... | |
| boyfriend and his exwife spending time together | 11/22/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of a year and a half has a daughter with his Ex- wife. They still do family things ... A: This is actually a common problem. I'll describe one way to think about it and then also offer a ... | |
| Affair | 11/21/2009 |
| Q: I had an affair and it has now ended, but I can not get my wife to even acknowledge any kind of ... A: I guess she was quite hurt. Some people handle betrayal this way. They can't forget and they can't ... | |
| Boyfriend with ex all the time | 11/21/2009 |
| Q: My bf and I have been together 5 months. A year ago he and his wife of 12 years divorced. They have ... A: You are right. The relationship with the Ex is always stressful and a challenge. It is hard to ... | |
| Sadness | 11/20/2009 |
| Q: I am going through a divorce that is almost over. My husband and I have been together for 6 years. ... A: You say you don't know what to do anymore and I applaud you for your self knowledge and maturity. It ... | |
| Now what happens? Where do I go from here? | 11/19/2009 |
| Q: I don't know where to start. I will greatly appreciate all your advice and guidance to my situation ... A: Marie, thank you for writing. I appreciate the seriousness of your situation. Deciding to divorce ... | |
| Confused- Please help | 11/14/2009 |
| Q: I am from India.I am married since last 2 yrs.I am seperated from my husband from 1 year as my ... A: This is a very difficult decision you are about to make. There is risk in either direction and you ... | |
| stbx husband new girlfriend | 11/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband said he was leaving 6 months ago. Our breakup at the time had nothing to do with lack of ... A: Consults are by phone. I am located in New England and am often calling from Montreal. In the ... | |
| stbx husband new girlfriend | 11/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband said he was leaving 6 months ago. Our breakup at the time had nothing to do with lack of ... A: I'm so sorry Brooke. This is a very sad and difficult and confusing time for you. There is a kind ... | |
| issues w/ boyfriends ex | 11/3/2009 |
| Q: I am a 30yr old single mother, by single my sons dad is out of the picture. I am involved with a 29 ... A: Dominique, I've seen this situation before. Bad news. My experience with these -- The ex wife and ... | |
| boyfriend and his exwife spending time together | 11/1/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of a year and a half has a daughter with his Ex- wife. They still do family things ... A: Okay. This sounds less extreme than the first way you described it. I have seen this kind of a ... | |
| boyfriend and his exwife spending time together | 11/1/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of a year and a half has a daughter with his Ex- wife. They still do family things ... A: That's one of the worst versions of this story I've heard. I have suggestions but I don't like any ... | |
| HUSBAND'S relations with FORMER stepchildren? | 10/27/2009 |
| Q: I'm writing in the hopes that you can give me an un-biased opinion of this situation and possible ... A: Good. I look forward to speaking with you. A couple things to be mindful of: First, it's a pretty ... | |
| HUSBAND'S relations with FORMER stepchildren? | 10/26/2009 |
| Q: I'm writing in the hopes that you can give me an un-biased opinion of this situation and possible ... A: Well that changes things a bit. It makes his wish to retain contact more mysterious. I actually ... | |
| Relations with former stepchildren? | 10/26/2009 |
| Q: I'm writing in the hopes that you can give me an un-biased opinion of this situation and possible ... A: You say you feel stressed and that seems an appropriate emotional response. There is a lot going ... | |
| Getting a Divorce | 10/17/2009 |
| Q: I have been married to my husband for 6 months and we have been separated for 3 months. He is very ... A: Kearsten, it sounds like you are planning to get a divorce. Do I have that correct? It does sound ... | |
| Boyfriend's relationship with his ex | 10/4/2009 |
| Q: I am recently divorced, 3 months. Although, in my mind I was divorced for many years. Shortly, ... A: Your boyfriend rather fiercely defends his right to be with those people whom he cares so much ... | |
| What should I do & will I ever turst again? | 9/21/2009 |
| Q: I'm in my 40s and my husband is in his 30s. We have a 9 year old daughter and a 17 months' old baby ... A: That's a lot to deal with, a lot to think about. I have a few thoughts. First, your dignity and ... | |
| Divorced in the same house. | 9/17/2009 |
| Q: I have been divorce for over 10 years and still living in the same house. The main reason for this ... A: This is an astounding story. It's hard to know where to begin. I have worked with couples and ... | |
| A made for "Lifetime" Movie | 9/15/2009 |
| Q: I married a man, who I thought to be the price charming, that I could never find. We dated for for ... A: Wow. Amazing story. One of the most extreme I've heard. The only way to make sense of it is to ... | |
| boyfriend's friendship with ex-wife | 9/14/2009 |
| Q: When is a friendship too close for ex-spouses? I have dated a man for 3 years who has a friendship ... A: This is a very tough issue. I recommend that you take the worst case scenario seriously and you ... | |
| boyfriend's friendship with ex-wife | 9/14/2009 |
| Q: When is a friendship too close for ex-spouses? I have dated a man for 3 years who has a friendship ... A: Well, it depends on the relationship between the lovers. If that is solid and open and honest and ... | |
| Divorce and Child Custody | 9/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I have been seperated for over a year since July of 2008. I finally had enough money ... A: As I said, I'm not a lawyer and don't have legal experience or knowledge. My sense is that where ... | |
| Divorce and Child Custody | 9/10/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I have been seperated for over a year since July of 2008. I finally had enough money ... A: You should talk to an attorney. Sounds like you might have a fight on your hand and that might ... | |
| divorce | 9/4/2009 |
| Q: I left my husband after being with him for 10 years, but married for 6. He is a Marine and was ... A: It's a good and thorough and enlightened one. If it's any comfort to you, I do think you are doing ... | |
| divorce | 9/3/2009 |
| Q: I left my husband after being with him for 10 years, but married for 6. He is a Marine and was ... A: You have a big heart. That's a good thing. You'll need to learn more how to manage it. A ... | |
| Missing my kids | 8/30/2009 |
| Q: My ex husband and I are a few provinces away. We have joint custody but we have chosen to have the ... A: I'm not sure what you can do. The thing is, you have a reciprocal deal. Next year it will be your ... | |
| Ex wife won't stop being petty | 8/29/2009 |
| Q: I am new here but I hope someone will read this and give me some much needed advice!! My boyfriend ... A: Any way to get her out of his hair? Short answer is "no." I've helped a lot of people deal with ... | |
| Split Custody | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: I have just begun the divorce process, and I have a 19 month old daughter. My husband feels it is ... A: Having all those loving attentive adults will be good for her. It probably already is...if it's not, ... | |
| Split Custody | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: I have just begun the divorce process, and I have a 19 month old daughter. My husband feels it is ... A: Actually the bigger problem will be when she is 5 and has to go to school. She won't be able to go ... | |
| Child Custody | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: My wife and I are divorcing and we have a three year old daughter. We are planning on living ... A: You know there really aren't good answers to this. It's a situation you'll have to monitor and ... | |
| Child Custody | 8/28/2009 |
| Q: My wife and I are divorcing and we have a three year old daughter. We are planning on living ... A: Well the divorce itself will be confusing. Having said that, I can that that arrangement probably ... | |
| how close is too close to live to the ex and kids | 8/24/2009 |
| Q: I divorced 5 years ago. We had two children (girls 8 & 5). She has custody...I have every other ... A: I'm going to go out on a limb and offer a clinical hypothesis, an educated guess. I could be wrong ... | |
| kids-divorce and new relationships | 8/7/2009 |
| Q: After much work and trying, I separated from my husband almost a year ago. I have custody of our two ... A: Delicate situation. A three year old can barely comprehend that people come in both male and female ... | |
| getting over divorce | 7/27/2009 |
| Q: I have been separated for 5 years now and I still do not feel "over it". My husband left for a ... A: I'm not sure what to say because you've told me so little. Let me offer a few things and encourage ... | |
| My husbands ex-wife | 7/23/2009 |
| Q: My husband was married to a women who had two young children from a previous marriage. The ex was ... A: I'm not sure what you can do. It's basically a legal strategy question and I'm a psychologist and ... | |
| ex-husband | 7/20/2009 |
| Q: I have been divorced for approximately 2 1/2 years. Their father made a 180 degree turn and now is ... A: How much pain? Lots. And lots of confusion as well. It's very difficult to manage hatred no matter ... | |
| Divorce with stepchild | 7/14/2009 |
| Q: I'm not sure if you responded to my follow up. Then after I read through it, Im not sure I really ... A: Usually there are signs. The "how did your last relationship end?" question usually produces ... | |
| Divorce with stepchild | 7/14/2009 |
| Q: I'm not sure if you responded to my follow up. Then after I read through it, Im not sure I really ... A: I think I was just responding to your follow up. I was curious what you were going to do with a ... | |
| Divorce with stepchild | 7/14/2009 |
| Q: What are your thoughts on a step parent continuing a relationship with a step child after divorce. ... A: Well, I am sure there is a lot more to this story and so I am reluctant to wade in too deeply. But ... | |
| Mediation agreement not being followed | 6/25/2009 |
| Q: My ex and I was signed the agreement during the mediation that both of us we going to have ... A: I doubt it but I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. You've asked for a legal opinion and I can't give it. ... | |
| How can I stop my husband from destroying himself with this affair? | 6/23/2009 |
| Q: I desperately need some advice on how I can win back my husband's love. I have been married for 23 ... A: Timely questions. I read it today just after reading about the lastest U.S. senator to have an ... | |
| divorce | 6/23/2009 |
| Q: I discovered my wifes affair at the end of Nov 08.We had been together for 15 years(married 9-1/2). ... A: Very passionate and moving letter you've written. I hope I can be helpful to you. There was so ... | |
| My childrens relasionship with soon to be step mom | 6/22/2009 |
| Q: My ex and I have two daughters they are now 7 and 9. Our divorce has been final for over two years, ... A: If it's his relationship with the ex, there's not a lot you can do. It's such a petty act on his ... | |
| divorce as the other woman | 6/20/2009 |
| Q: Let me start by saying I realize while writing this there are millions of women that want my head. ... A: Liz. What does that have to do with a car? The only thing I can think of is "tin lizzy," the ... | |
| divorce pain getting harder, not easier | 6/19/2009 |
| Q: I cheated on my husband and then left him. The situation was more complicated than those ... A: It's a midlife crisis thing. Time does not heal all wounds unless they are exposed to light, or ... | |
| Child Custody / Personal feelings | 6/10/2009 |
| Q: My ex wife and I divorced almost five years ago. We had a long drawn out divorce (almost two years) ... A: That is one of the most difficult situations I've ever heard about. It's hard for me to think ... | |
| Boyfriend and recent divorce | 6/5/2009 |
| Q: This past April my boyfriend's divorce became final (13 year marriage). In the State of NC, they ... A: So you see, your concerns open out onto very large and important issues you have about how to be in ... | |
| I divorced Satan and he won't leave me alone | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: I found out my husband had never been faithful to me, ever. I, also found out that the horrific mood ... A: When you are dealing with this sort, treat them as dangerous criminals and involve as much law ... | |
| Boyfriend and recent divorce | 6/4/2009 |
| Q: This past April my boyfriend's divorce became final (13 year marriage). In the State of NC, they ... A: Good and interesting question. You two will have to have a conversation about this. That's very ... | |
| Husband just had baby with other woman | 6/3/2009 |
| Q: My husband of 8 years just had a baby with another woman that he met in Aug 2008, I've had several ... A: You said "he said that he's only looking out for the baby and it's his responsibility to be there to ... | |
| I divorced Satan and he won't leave me alone | 6/2/2009 |
| Q: I found out my husband had never been faithful to me, ever. I, also found out that the horrific mood ... A: You probably have some serious co-dependency issues. The signs were all over the place and you ... | |
| I divorced Satan and he won't leave me alone | 6/1/2009 |
| Q: I found out my husband had never been faithful to me, ever. I, also found out that the horrific ... A: Pretty serious mistake to allow equal custody and I wonder why you did it. After death threats? Who ... | |
| Dating a mother of two | 5/29/2009 |
| Q: I have been dating a single mother of 2 for about 6 months now. The first month we were dating her ... A: It's a good question. I think you are right to insist. What makes me think so is his comment about ... | |
| I hate my boyfriends relationship with his EX | 5/15/2009 |
| Q: I've been dating a man for close to year know. Hes a wonderful person has a 6year old son that he ... A: Yeah, you guys are going to have to talk about this. You really said it right. He needs to stay in ... | |
| Time to go? | 5/15/2009 |
| Q: As with many of the other "posters", I failed in my attempt to keep this brief, and also offer my ... A: Yes your letter sounded more like catharsis than question. I have a lot of thoughts about this ... | |
| My boyfriend is still married. | 5/9/2009 |
| Q: I have currently been in a relationship and living with my boyfriend for 5 years. He will not get a ... A: It sounds like you are being exploited and manipulated. This situation sounds bad and I wonder ... | |
| exhusband | 5/8/2009 |
| Q: My exhusband had an affair with a gal in Sept 2007. He denies it, but he left me in Aug. 2008 and ... A: He a man who can't yet be loyal to one woman and she's a woman who steals other women's partners. ... | |
| ex-spouse harassment | 5/8/2009 |
| Q: I want to know if this constitutes harassment. I was married 12 and have been divorced 4. We both ... A: Sounds like harassment. You might be able to go to court on your own and get a restraining order. ... | |
| exhusband | 5/7/2009 |
| Q: My exhusband had an affair with a gal in Sept 2007. He denies it, but he left me in Aug. 2008 and ... A: Your letter is difficult for me to follow and so I'm not sure what will be helpful. First of all, ... | |
| Confused, scared, clueless... | 5/6/2009 |
| Q: Reading some of the other questions that have been answered has given me plenty to think about. ... A: I'm glad you found the other answers useful. Strange and amazing story. It reminds me of several ... | |
| Living with an ex and its killing me! | 5/4/2009 |
| Q: I'm not sure if this is your category,but I really need your support. My live in bf of over a year ... A: Hard situation and not only that, it's hard times and hard to find work. Often in times like these ... | |
| Boyfriend's emotional ties with ex complicate our relationship | 5/3/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 10 months has a 10 yr old daughter from ex wife who divorced him 6 years ago. At ... A: He sounds like he's trying to take care of his ex even as he wants some distance from her. So I ... | |
| Ex spouse sends me marraige invitation | 4/30/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I was married for 31 years. Both of us had high profile positions in our community. Half of ... A: Very interesting story. I was just working with someone else on a similar issue. When does it ... | |
| inappropriate behavior betwen my son and his dad | 4/30/2009 |
| Q: My son is 7yrs. old. He spends one night a week with his father. My husband and I have been ... A: Aaarrghh! CPS! They should know better. Okay, you'll have to just keep pushing. Keep all ... | |
| Should I beleive him | 4/29/2009 |
| Q: My husband of *yrs walked out on me and my 2 kids(4 yrs and 20mths) 3mths ago.. Saying that he no ... A: Oh God. What you hare to deal with is going to be so incredibly hard. You're probably right in your ... | |
| inappropriate behavior betwen my son and his dad | 4/28/2009 |
| Q: My son is 7yrs. old. He spends one night a week with his father. My husband and I have been ... A: Wow. Thanks so much. Do what you need to do. You did sound a bit too invested in being loving and ... | |
| inappropriate behavior betwen my son and his dad | 4/27/2009 |
| Q: My son is 7yrs. old. He spends one night a week with his father. My husband and I have been ... A: You call CPS and they will help you. Do not send him back. CPS should make a decision about whether ... | |
| Getting over being a drama queen | 4/27/2009 |
| Q: We've been married for 19years, both still young and separated for 6 months. My hubby has asked for ... A: It's a pleasure for me to once again be working with someone from South Africa. You are the third ... | |
| Controlling stepmom | 4/23/2009 |
| Q: My ex-husband and I share legal and physical custody of our two kids, ages 11 and 14, with a ... A: Long question. You know I can't really do an assessment of another person with whom I have not ... | |
| possible divorce abatement | 4/20/2009 |
| Q: I filed for divorce after many years of being abused. I became addicted to alcohol and went into ... A: Whatever you do now sets a precedent for how the relationship will work. If you ignore his drinking ... | |
| Ex Wife | 4/15/2009 |
| Q: We are in our 40's. Boyfriend divorced 8 years,lives an hour from me. I have been divorced two years ... A: The red flag you are not seeing is that he hates drama and conflict. This could mean that he would ... | |
| Separation Issues | 4/14/2009 |
| Q: Six months ago, my wife moved out of the house with our children. I went to work, came back and ... A: You have a mess on your hands. Here is a quote from me that appeared in Time Magazine a couple ... | |
| My 11 y/o is starting to act out | 4/13/2009 |
| Q: I have been divorced for almost 3 years and separated a while longer. My 11 y/o sees his dad but ... A: I'm a little behind the curve on non-professional books for step dads so I can't recommend anything ... | |
| Problems with my husbands ex wife | 4/13/2009 |
| Q: I don't know if you can address this: But I am having issues with my husband's ex wife. They were ... A: You seem to have much less tolerance than he has for her "spontaneous" ways. It could be in part ... | |
| Custody | 4/8/2009 |
| Q: My Fiance has two girls, four and six. He also has an ex-wife intent on making him jump through ... A: I'm so sorry. Another ex wife from hell story, and one of the darker ones, I'm afraid. Money makes ... | |
| child separation | 4/7/2009 |
| Q: My 3 year old screams, cries and pitches a fit when he has to leave his father. His father has ... A: Well you get a medal for owning up to that one. And also you get mountains of sympathy from me. I ... | |
| child separation | 4/7/2009 |
| Q: My 3 year old screams, cries and pitches a fit when he has to leave his father. His father has ... A: Not a lot you can do except be very steady and ride it out. Comfort him when he cries. "Yes, I know. ... | |
| I want my husband back | 4/6/2009 |
| Q: So I was 19 when I moved a state away from my family to be with my soon to be ex husband. We moved ... A: I'm not sure what you mean by let him take the lead. I'd need to hear more, but if he means decide ... | |
| I want my husband back | 4/3/2009 |
| Q: So I was 19 when I moved a state away from my family to be with my soon to be ex husband. We moved ... A: What you have is a very stable situation. That's the first thing to try to wrap you mind around. ... | |
| Missing my child | 3/22/2009 |
| Q: Three years ago, I met a girl and she got pregnant, I now am a father of a 2.5 year old boy. We ... A: I remember liking the book Mom's House; Dad's house. It's been a while. I do thing your girlfriend ... | |
| Seperation and Missing my child | 3/22/2009 |
| Q: Three years ago, I met a girl and she got pregnant, I now am a father of a 2.5 year old boy. We ... A: Tough call. I will tell you that by the time the boy is 7 or so your relationship with him will ... | |
| Divorce/ exhusband with the other woman | 3/21/2009 |
| Q: Is there a way to get back with my exhusband even if he is living with the woman that he cheated ... A: Not very likely that there's much you can do. There will be a lot of post-mortem thinking for you ... | |
| Grandpa's 80th birthday follow-up | 3/18/2009 |
| Q: Wow! I Just wanted to tell you that you are right on!! I do feel contempt for her! And yes, it is ... A: I breath a sigh of relief after getting your feedback. Sometimes I do go out on a limb and it's ... | |
| starting a new life | 3/18/2009 |
| Q: How do I get over the feeling that I need to take care of my husband and get on with my own life? A: The feeling doesn't really go away. You just have to manage it. You're probably one of those ... | |
| Trying to Understand Divorce | 3/15/2009 |
| Q: Belove, I am 3-months into a divorce proceeding that is, unfortunately, shaping up to be a ... A: When someone is determined to start a war, your best strategy is to be prepared to fight it. She may ... | |
| Children and divorce | 3/13/2009 |
| Q: My best friend is a male and he has filed for divorce. He has 3 children and is heartbroken about ... A: Sorry. That was my first guess. I get asked that question a lot as you might imagine. I still have ... | |
| Children and dovorce | 3/13/2009 |
| Q: My best friend is a male and he has filed for divorce. He has 3 children and is heartbroken about ... A: You are in danger and you are putting your relationship in danger. You have to stay away from his ... | |
| Married boyfriend | 3/13/2009 |
| Q: I have recently found out that my boyfriend of two years is married. When we met we were both ... A: That's an amazing story. I've seen stuff like this before but never so extreme. Usually they are ... | |
| Worried about my Ex | 3/13/2009 |
| Q: I was married to my ex for almost nine years and then got a divorce two years ago. The reason for ... A: You are a kind soul. It's a hard spot you are in. There is only so much you can do. A metaphor: ... | |
| Husband still owns business with ex-wife | 3/11/2009 |
| Q: I have a unique situation here. My husband still owns a business with his ex-wife. He was at one ... A: These triangles are always a delicate matter. From the way you've described the situation, it ... | |
| Am I suffering from depression because of my divorce? | 3/10/2009 |
| Q: I am in the middle of a painful divorce. Our 2 year old son and I moved out of the house and into ... A: Erin, I do hope you are in therapy. You are overwhelmed and it's pretty serious. First of all your ... | |
| revenge | 3/9/2009 |
| Q: If someone has really hurt you and devastated your life, is revenge sweet or is it better to keep ... A: Sorry. Why don't you take this over to direct email or specify privacy or arrange for a phone ... | |
| revenge | 3/9/2009 |
| Q: If someone has really hurt you and devastated your life, is revenge sweet or is it better to keep ... A: Sounds like you got caught in a secret affair...Just a possibility. Always painful. There are many ... | |
| revenge | 3/8/2009 |
| Q: If someone has really hurt you and devastated your life, is revenge sweet or is it better to keep ... A: Good question and a universal one. The answer is that a tiny, homeopathic, fraction of a fraction ... | |
| relationship | 2/26/2009 |
| Q: I am a mid life adult female in a relationship with a mid life adult male. We have said that we are ... A: I do understand that dynamic of not wanting to set and example for the girls of non marital sex. ... | |
| Boyfriend still lives with ex | 2/26/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for approximately 4 months. When he and I first started speaking ... A: I think your intuition is right. Something is a little off, something about this doesn't feel right. ... | |
| Father pride | 2/21/2009 |
| Q: I’ve grown up with an intact family; the parents I live with are my biological parents and my sister ... A: You are not the first child to become your parent's marriage and family therapist. It's a difficult ... | |
| relationship | 2/21/2009 |
| Q: I am a mid life adult female in a relationship with a mid life adult male. We have said that we are ... A: The relationship with the boyfriend's ex wife, necessary because of the kids, is traditionally ... | |
| single mom dating | 2/8/2009 |
| Q: My divorce has been final for about 2 months, but my children think it has been 2 years. The day ... A: I general I get the sense that you believe you are dealing with a community of unforgiving and ... | |
| hes moved on | 2/6/2009 |
| Q: After a troublesome 8 year marriage i left my husband and when it came to the divorce which he said ... A: First of all, I send you whatever comfort I can. It's a horrible, horrible story. My sense of you ... | |
| dealing with boyfriends recent divorce | 2/2/2009 |
| Q: i am 29 years old and just recently started dating a 39 year old man who is going through a divorce. ... A: It's simple. I've worked with so many women in this position. If you've not been married, it's ... | |
| My boyfriend and his exwife are too good of friends and it hurts me. | 2/1/2009 |
| Q: My boyfriend of 2 years and his exwife (divorced almost 3 years) are best friends. They have 2 boys ... A: I think you are in an triangle which is interlocked with another triangle. There is a symmetry ... | |
| Appropriate Relationship with Ex-Wife | 1/30/2009 |
| Q: Dr. I've been amicably divorced for a little less then a year now, and separated for over a year ... A: The appropriate relationship is one where you can speak when necessary, occasionally be friendly, ... | |
| Will myspace end my marriage? | 1/30/2009 |
| Q: my name is Ken and I am facing a real difficult issue. Let me start by saying that I am 28 years ... A: What strikes me most about your letter is the rage. Things seem to be extremely bad between the two ... | |
| divorce | 1/29/2009 |
| Q: i was married for 13yrs, had a great marriage for 11 yeARS, THE LAST 2 ALL WE DID WAS FIGHT, AND WE ... A: I have a couple thoughts. First, very unusual pattern. 11 years good and 2 years fight. I'd want ... | |
| My husband wants a divorce, I cant' get over it. | 1/28/2009 |
| Q: I have been married to my husband for almost 8 years. Im 27 and we have 2 kids age 2 and 4. we both ... A: OUch. Painful story. Often affairs start out as a form of amateur psychotherapy and it sounds like ... | |
| Just needs some friendly advice. | 1/26/2009 |
| Q: I am 42 yr old man writing to ask you for a litle advice as i dont have a direction or a friend to ... A: You've chosen your name well. The situation is confusing and it's probably equally confusing for all ... | |
| Child Care | 1/25/2009 |
| Q: Can you advise me on how to stop my partners ex changing the days we have the children to suit her. ... A: So much depends on how your legal agreement is structured. Also, it sounds like this stress is in ... | |
| Please help me | 1/13/2009 |
| Q: Okay- Me and my husband have been together almost 7 years an we have 2 daughters together. He left ... A: Doesn't look too good. I'd need to know a couple more things. 1. You have two diagnoses,depression ... | |
| Boundary Issues? | 1/13/2009 |
| Q: A few years ago a casual acquaintance who was engaged and had just moved her 2 kids in with her ... A: This is indeed one of the most extreme examples of this sort of stuff I've ever come across. Back ... | |
| single mom dating | 1/13/2009 |
| Q: My divorce has been final for about 2 months, but my children think it has been 2 years. The day ... A: I'd need to know how old your children are and what position their father takes on your involvement ... | |
| Marriage | 1/12/2009 |
| Q: I am having a really hard time with my husband...i have been with him for 10 years, married for 3. ... A: There comes a time in almost every marriage when the power balance gets challenged. Sometimes the ... | |
| Appropriate Amount of Communication After Divorce | 1/5/2009 |
| Q: My significant other and I have been together for one year. He and his ex wife separated 8 months ... A: First, here is my summary: One year relationships He was separated 8 months before you guys got ... | |
| son's abandonment by adopted father upon marriage | 1/5/2009 |
| Q: I am in a difficult situation in that I don't know which way to go. My son has always had a father ... A: I’m having a little trouble following your description. Here is what I’ve understood. The father ... | |
| relationship | 1/4/2009 |
| Q: I am living with a man who has an pre-teen year old daughter, he splits custody with his wife. I am ... A: I think your intuition might be right and that if he hasn't gotten the divorce by now, it may be ... | |
| When to call it quits | 1/2/2009 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years, but our situation has been unique since day one. ... A: So sorry. Sounds pretty dead already. The no sex life, the extreme passivity about "our live," and ... | |
| Negativity around the children | 12/19/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for about 1 year. My x wife consistently speaks negative about me to our 4 year ... A: You have a serious problem here. I know you probably don't need someone to tell you that but I want ... | |
| Divorce/remarry with kids | 12/15/2008 |
| Q: I divorced 1.5 years ago...met and married a Divorce mom with teen and 20yrold..Her Divorce was 4 ... A: I would love to answer your question but I am not sure I understand it. Here are the points of my ... | |
| Ex fiance | 12/8/2008 |
| Q: My ex is the subject I want to talk about, we broke up about a year ago, still talked the whole ... A: Sounds serious. A suicide attempt is major and, really, more than you can handle without the help ... | |
| Husband who won't work | 12/7/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 15 years and have 2 children (1 is 13, the other is 10). For most of our ... A: I have more questions than answers at this stage, in this respect I'm like you...and you have huge ... | |
| separation | 12/4/2008 |
| Q: My BF and I have lived together for 5 of the 7 months together. When we met he was recently ... A: Classic situation isn't it. So much depends on what he does (and what it means to him) to "find ... | |
| Divorced boyfriend | 12/1/2008 |
| Q: I need help. My divorced boyfriend has children that live in a different state than where he resides ... A: Interesting story. Your feelings of jealousy are natural and unavoidable. However, the fact that ... | |
| Meaning of a word | 11/29/2008 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, About 2 months ago I asked a question and you answered back with such a clear and ... A: First, thanks for the kind and gratifying feedback. I'm not sure what he means. Usually when a ... | |
| Affect father's behavior has on daughter. | 11/24/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for 2 1/2 years and have joint custody of our 7 year old daughter although she ... A: Well you are right that it will make an impression on her, as did the divorce. Seven is young and ... | |
| child custody | 11/24/2008 |
| Q: i have recently been divorced and my exhusband has our two girls live with him and i have our boys ... A: Hard to say. Certainly it's not a call anyone could make without interviewing them and others in ... | |
| Wife very likely wants to divorce. | 11/18/2008 |
| Q: I married my high school sweetheart almost thriteen years ago. We actually were together off and on ... A: I had a number of reactions reading your letter. In the first paragraphs where you talked about ... | |
| how to know when its time to move on | 11/18/2008 |
| Q: I was married for 11 years. technically we are still married. the divorce itself isn't final yet. I ... A: I don't know what I could add. You sound like you've done and are doing The Work. There comes a ... | |
| BOY FRIENDS EX WIFE | 11/16/2008 |
| Q: MY BOYFRIEND AND I WERE FRIENDS FOR A YEAR BEFORE HE LEFT AND IS DIVORCING HIS WIFE OF 19 YEARS. WE ... A: Sorry to hear about you difficulties They are quite common in situations like yours and maybe ... | |
| confused | 11/15/2008 |
| Q: i don't really know how to start this so i'll just jump in, I had a daughter with a guy who i didn't ... A: My main advice is that you both get therapy. Therapy with the right person will address your ... | |
| Recently divorced and Uncertain | 11/13/2008 |
| Q: I am 26 years old and very recently divorced with no children. My ex and I were married for 2.5 ... A: I think you are asking yourself good questions. Interesting to me that at 26 your write me, my ... | |
| Divorce-Ex-wife and family | 11/13/2008 |
| Q: My situation, however, is getting out of control and I needed some direct input. I am about to get ... A: This is a very difficult and delicate situation. No you are not wrong to think your family could ... | |
| seeing a possible soon to be divorced lady | 11/10/2008 |
| Q: She's been married 25 years. Said she's tired and has 5 years plus of resentments towards her ... A: I got your number and I'll call later. I sent you a short note. AS to what you can do. Do your own ... | |
| seeing a possible soon to be divorced lady | 11/10/2008 |
| Q: She's been married 25 years. Said she's tired and has 5 years plus of resentments towards her ... A: Nice. I got your feedback and don't understand why drbelove@datingatmidlife.com didn't work...unless ... | |
| seeing a possible soon to be divorced lady | 11/9/2008 |
| Q: She's been married 25 years. Said she's tired and has 5 years plus of resentments towards her ... A: Pray. You are in a very very difficult position. You both are. There is more openness, closeness ... | |
| Guilt about divorce | 11/5/2008 |
| Q: I've been married 19 years and, truthfully, never should have married. We have fabulous kids. My ... A: No easy answers. If there were, you've have found them by now. So maybe we need better questions. ... | |
| Mom demanding acceptance of someone she's dating | 10/29/2008 |
| Q: I am the daughter of a divorced single mother. Recently she began dating someone she met at the ... A: This is a complex issue. I'm very sorry you have to struggle with this. It would help me a lot ... | |
| Loveless Marriage | 10/27/2008 |
| Q: I am in what seems to be a lovless marriage. I have been married 3 years, and we dated for almost 3 ... A: Sounds so bad. Not good. This little response will not be as much support as you need right now. ... | |
| Divorce After 37 years | 10/25/2008 |
| Q: My husband of 37 years called me outside one evening last week and told me that earlier that day he ... A: First of all, you have my sympathy. It's a terrible shock. Also very cruel to you. 37 years is a ... | |
| ex wife issues | 10/24/2008 |
| Q: I have read your past answers and find your advice to be very good. I am a d 39 year old single mom ... A: I appreciate hearing that you liked my approach. I think you are in that situation of having an ... | |
| life after divorce | 10/23/2008 |
| Q: i am a 31, male, from India. After the legal stipulated period of 1 year physical separation as per ... A: First I appreciate hearing from you. Affairs are common all over the world. It's generally more ... | |
| prenups | 10/22/2008 |
| Q: i am a married man for almost a year when i got married me and my wife signed a prenuptial to ... A: That's lawyer stuff. I'm a psychologist. you need to talk to a lawyer. If your assets are valuable, ... | |
| Divorce/New Relationships | 10/22/2008 |
| Q: Firstly, thank you for your other insightful responses to questions in this topic area. I (32) am in ... A: It's a tricky bit of diplomacy isn't it. I think first you have to say that you don't trust what's ... | |
| Non-Custodial Step-Children and gifts | 10/20/2008 |
| Q: My husband and I are newly married. I have two children, a girl 3 and a boy 13 who live with us ... A: You are not being silly. You are not being unreasonable. I think your strategy is a good one. I ... | |
| boyfriends divorce | 10/20/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now. except for the fact hat he is in the middle of the ... A: Heartbreaking indeed. The ex sounds vindictive and dangerous. I might be exaggerating but she is ... | |
| boyfriends divorce | 10/20/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now. except for the fact hat he is in the middle of the ... A: Tell me a little more. Six and eight are tender years; six more than eight. What are they doing now ... | |
| frusrated husband | 10/14/2008 |
| Q: I am a 39 year old father of four(4,12,14&17)With a respectable income and a second job with good ... A: It does sound worse and worse. Some thoughts and questions: When you said, "ad letting my family ... | |
| frusrated husband | 10/13/2008 |
| Q: I am a 39 year old father of four(4,12,14&17)With a respectable income and a second job with good ... A: So sorry to hear how things have developed for you. This is a very difficult transition. I have a ... | |
| Looking for answers from a long ago divorce | 10/11/2008 |
| Q: Subject A wife who choose to destroy a seeming happy marriage Question This applies to a ... A: All I can do is speculate along with you so please understand that, absent some more detailed ... | |
| Pregnant with second child husband leaving | 10/10/2008 |
| Q: My husband works in finance and is a risk manager -- all at the heart of the financial crisis. I ... A: Hard situation. I'm sorry. You asked what could get his attention and so much depends on whether ... | |
| Divorce/New relationships | 10/10/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend of one year is nearing the end of finalizing his divorce. His ex left the marriage 4 ... A: I've copied your response and will try to respond: BUT if she has a boyfirend and a family ... | |
| Divorce/New relationships | 10/10/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend of one year is nearing the end of finalizing his divorce. His ex left the marriage 4 ... A: Excellent question. The answer is a blend of your two positions. Your negotiations with your ... | |
| My husband wont talk to me | 9/29/2008 |
| Q: Four days, my husband stopped coming home, and will not talk to me on the phone. Every once in a ... A: Does it have anything to do with your age? Not necessarily. At least we settled the "out of ... | |
| My husband wont talk to me | 9/29/2008 |
| Q: Four days, my husband stopped coming home, and will not talk to me on the phone. Every once in a ... A: That usually happens when someone is angry beyond being angry and feels so out of control they don't ... | |
| confused?? | 9/28/2008 |
| Q: I been living with my boyfriend for a year now when we started dating he had a son of 10mths at ... A: This is indeed a recipe for a disaster. My guess is that she's quite unable to be a mother and this ... | |
| divorced boyfriend | 9/28/2008 |
| Q: I hope you can help. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We are temporarily "broken up" for ... A: I'm glad my clinical hypothesis made sense to you. It may or may not to him. There might be many ... | |
| divorced boyfriend | 9/27/2008 |
| Q: I hope you can help. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We are temporarily "broken up" for ... A: There is a breakdown in your communication. It is impossible for me to tell whether it is A: ... | |
| Divorce - toddler - co-parenting | 9/25/2008 |
| Q: My spouse and I are separating/divorcing. We have a 2 year old son together. We want what is best ... A: Anne, I don't have any research close at hand that tells me anything. The general prejudice is that ... | |
| ex husband and current boyfriend | 9/22/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for about 3 years. I have being seeing my boyfriend for 5 yrs. I know this is ... A: Tough problem. You tell the whole story in the first two sentences. You had an affair with this man ... | |
| i need advice | 9/20/2008 |
| Q: im a 16 yar old senior in high school.my mother and father are divorced and my mother is remarried. ... A: I really don't know the answers. I think you want to talk to an attorney. The way to find one will ... | |
| i need advice | 9/20/2008 |
| Q: im a 16 yar old senior in high school.my mother and father are divorced and my mother is remarried. ... A: That is a very hard situation. Not a lot of good options there. I don't really have any ideas. ... | |
| Problems with His Ex-Wife | 9/20/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half; we have lived together for over a ... A: You have a very serious problem. Lots of bad news here. You will be dealing with this ... | |
| divorce | 9/17/2008 |
| Q: I have no money, not working had to have several surgeries in the past year. My 23 year old ... A: Difficult situation. Thanks for writing. Sounds like you are anticipating the worst and that's ... | |
| Mourning the loss of one life while celebrating another | 9/14/2008 |
| Q: I have been with my boyfriend for three years now. When I first met him, he was married with 3 ... A: Robin, Lovely question. Please do me a favor. Ask those men how they did it. Interview them and ... | |
| ex wife issues | 9/12/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for about 2 years. I have joint custody of a 10 yr old son and an wonderful ... A: I think your heart is in the right place about this but your methods and approach are producing the ... | |
| Divorce | 9/9/2008 |
| Q: I do not want to divorce for the sake of my kids. We have been married for 15 years and know each ... A: I look forward to it. drbelove@datingatmidlife.com or belove@sover.net my number is 802-254-6221 ... | |
| Divorce | 9/8/2008 |
| Q: I do not want to divorce for the sake of my kids. We have been married for 15 years and know each ... A: I don't have any immediate ideas. In fact, if have more questions than answers at this point. It ... | |
| Getting over my ex-husband | 9/7/2008 |
| Q: Im a 26 year old single mother of a wonderful two year old son. I have been separated from my ex for ... A: This is truly a difficult transition for you and there are so many difficult lessons in it. Often ... | |
| dealing with ex spouses | 9/6/2008 |
| Q: I am a single father divorced since 2.5 years and out of a relationship that I was abused mentally ... A: You don't change your basic negative feelings toward her ex. What happens is they become more ... | |
| dealing with ex spouses | 9/5/2008 |
| Q: I am a single father divorced since 2.5 years and out of a relationship that I was abused mentally ... A: It's a common problem. You both are really trying to create a much better life for each other and ... | |
| Question regarding Child custody | 9/4/2008 |
| Q: Good morning, my name is Danielle and I just served my soon to be ex-husband with divorce papers ... A: Good morning Danielle. I basically can't give legal advice. I'm a psychologist. My experience has ... | |
| ex-wife issues | 9/3/2008 |
| Q: i need your advice,i been in a relationship for 5 years , a good men,we been together in good and ... A: She is trying to undermine your marriage. Trust your intuitions here. What is necessary is that ... | |
| love gone bad | 8/28/2008 |
| Q: I have been married for 5 years. Dated my husband 2 years. He was married at the time, I was going ... A: Ths is very sad story and I'm sure you've only touched the surface of it. Your letter is brief, a ... | |
| x wife harrising me | 8/16/2008 |
| Q: my x wife divorced me 15 months ago now she wont leave me along. she trying to make me look crazy. ... A: Wow. Amazing and terrifying story. Maybe one of the worst I've ever heard. You know, there is ... | |
| Counseling | 8/15/2008 |
| Q: You recently responded to my very long and all over the place question that I titled Parental ... A: Bluntness is good. Candor is good. I'm sure it was difficult for you speak up. Here is how it ... | |
| Counseling | 8/15/2008 |
| Q: You recently responded to my very long and all over the place question that I titled Parental ... A: I thought I had responded to your response earlier in the week. I'm in Montreal, but live in New ... | |
| Loveless marriage | 8/11/2008 |
| Q: I am a 43 y/o orthopedic surgeon married 13 years in a loveless marriage. We have 3 kids, 10, 7 and ... A: I’m sure you’ve given it a lot of thought. You seem to be a highly principled, and disciplined man. ... | |
| marriage problems, i think hes gone for good.... | 8/2/2008 |
| Q: my husband and i are 21 and i have a 2yr old from a previous relationship. he was going to adopt her ... A: The situation with your husband is hopeless. He's 21 and he can't deny his family. I strongly ... | |
| guilt and forgiving myself | 7/29/2008 |
| Q: I'm recently divorced (11 mo). I cheated. I can list multiple reasons, but I feel they are just ... A: You did boil your question down to it's essence. Since I know so little of the specifics I can ... | |
| going through a hard time | 7/24/2008 |
| Q: I would like to know how to get over the pain of being married for fourteen years and having four ... A: It's a grieving process. If a spouse dies it takes two to three years to fully grieve the loss. The ... | |
| still seeing husband` | 7/23/2008 |
| Q: After being together for almost 12 years, my husband and I seperated a couple months ago due to, ... A: I think you guys need to talk to an expert. Have you seen a counselor or therapist? You'd want to ... | |
| I am not in love with my hubby | 7/19/2008 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for six years, and I am about to leave,I understand now why I ... A: Good for you. Please do not misunderstand me. I have not been urging you to leave or stay, only to ... | |
| Dating a divorced guy | 7/16/2008 |
| Q: Philip, I am dating with a divorced guy. He divorced with his ex wife about four years ago, no kids. ... A: Anyone over 40 and single is single for a reason and that means that you'll have to deal with it if ... | |
| my relationship | 7/5/2008 |
| Q: ok my boyfriend and i met in irak we where both in the millitary, and we where both married to other ... A: It's July 5th. Back to whatever. Yes. You do need help. I'll work with you for little but not ... | |
| husband left me at age 60 | 7/4/2008 |
| Q: I feel so alone at times. I don't attend church presently but I do believe in God and I love Him ... A: Well first of all, start going to church. You need the community. You need to be around people who ... | |
| my relationship | 7/3/2008 |
| Q: ok my boyfriend and i met in irak we where both in the millitary, and we where both married to other ... A: Okay. It comes back to the keyHow long are you willing to tolerate this situation? What will you do ... | |
| my relationship | 7/3/2008 |
| Q: ok my boyfriend and i met in irak we where both in the millitary, and we where both married to other ... A: The way most people handle the harassment about money from an ex is to have a legal agreement and to ... | |
| Husband Shirks Responsibilities | 7/1/2008 |
| Q: I am 64 and have been married almost 44 years. I have 5 children who are all grown and not living ... A: Here is a way to think about this. You are in charge and you really are. That's a tough one for you ... | |
| Husband Shirks Responsibilities | 6/30/2008 |
| Q: I am 64 and have been married almost 44 years. I have 5 children who are all grown and not living ... A: That's a hard story. I think the key is in the last paragraph: He is very manipulative and I'd ... | |
| seriously, help needed | 6/29/2008 |
| Q: My GF of 2+ years and I broke up a wk ago, and Im having a VERY rough time. The first 7 months of ... A: First of all, my sympathies and condolences. That particular pain is very difficult to bear. I'm ... | |
| custody issues | 6/23/2008 |
| Q: My ex-husband served me with exparte and divorce papers on January 23. '08. He uses threats, ... A: Okay, I again come up against your attorney's view. And I am psychologist, not an attorney and my ... | |
| custody issues | 6/22/2008 |
| Q: My ex-husband served me with exparte and divorce papers on January 23. '08. He uses threats, ... A: I'm puzzled by your question and not sure how to respond. First of all, it sounds like your ... | |
| over ex husband until he got a girlfriend | 6/19/2008 |
| Q: I was over my ex husband until he got a girlfriend. Now I am jealous that he is so nice to another ... A: This really is a question for your therapist. If I were working with you, I think I'd want to ... | |
| over ex husband until he got a girlfriend | 6/18/2008 |
| Q: I was over my ex husband until he got a girlfriend. Now I am jealous that he is so nice to another ... A: Well, you weren't as over it as you thought you were. Don't be too alarmed. Your reaction is common. ... | |
| Can I win back my husband? | 6/12/2008 |
| Q: I am separated from my husband after a series of nasty arguments where things were said and done to ... A: Not sure how to answer you. If you want him to "see you how he used to" does that include being ... | |
| ex | 6/10/2008 |
| Q: I left my common law husband of 15 years 3.5 years ago due to his very heavy alcoholism. We have a ... A: If money is a problem I can see you for a reduced fee. No one has health coverage like they used to. ... | |
| ex | 6/9/2008 |
| Q: I left my common law husband of 15 years 3.5 years ago due to his very heavy alcoholism. We have a ... A: Good presentation. My main advice is that you listen to your intutions. You say "I feel as though I ... | |
| -welfare of granddaughter | 6/5/2008 |
| Q: My only daughter was in a bad marriage for 5 years that produced the light of my life, my only ... A: Wow. That's hard. I think you'll have to get a lawyer to do this. I'm pretty sure of it. You may ... | |
| relationshps | 5/28/2008 |
| Q: I am living with a man who has been legally separated from his wife for over four years now. I am ... A: Great question. Thanks. They're still working out their divorce. You said it yourself: "The ex ... | |
| doubting relationship | 5/28/2008 |
| Q: How do you know if a girl really loves you? I am engaged about to be married in 9 weeks and my ... A: First, how lovely for you to be in Jerusalem and to be studying there. You guys are going to have ... | |
| Wanting to get divorced in the state of Arkansas | 5/27/2008 |
| Q: I have just moved back to Arkansas and I am going to divorce my husband whom lives in Florida that ... A: If things are as you say, you need a lawyer. I'm a psychologist. If he's mean and abusive then your ... | |
| He won't let our children meet each other | 5/22/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced over 6 years and have been dating a wonderful widower for 2 years now. We can ... A: Well I think you've gotten to the key issue. ' the pessimistic scenario is that it's all him and ... | |
| dating during separation | 5/21/2008 |
| Q: I am in SC, legally separated since March. No kids, or alimony. Everything has been equitably ... A: This is too important. Also it's a legal question. I don't know anything about it because I'm a ... | |
| He won't let our children meet each other | 5/21/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced over 6 years and have been dating a wonderful widower for 2 years now. We can ... A: Nice question. He says he wants it to move forward. You guys have been together for two years. ... | |
| my son | 5/6/2008 |
| Q: My son will be 18 in July 08. He's very smart and graduating top in his class to say the least. ... A: This is an extremely unfortunate situation and you have my sympathies and your son has my ... | |
| Separation/kids & stbx's new gf & kids | 5/5/2008 |
| Q: Some background: We have been separated for almost a year after 26 yrs of marriage. I have lost ... A: You know I can't really answer your question about being unreasonable based on such little ... | |
| TALKING WITH YOUR EX | 5/3/2008 |
| Q: I have read all the books that give advice about trying to put a relationship back to together with ... A: It is a discipline but you have to master it. It is necessary in order to set a certain standard for ... | |
| Potential "Walk Away Wife" needs HELP :( | 5/1/2008 |
| Q: I'm a 29 yo married woman with 3 children. Grew up in a strict Christian household - never partied ... A: I do hear your frustration and I also appreciate that you have a little sense of humor about it. ... | |
| Reconciliation after affair? | 5/1/2008 |
| Q: I recently discovered my wife had an affair- it started with an online thing that progressed to the ... A: The extreme would be Divorce and Move On. The most moderate and foolish would be to just pretend it ... | |
| I want my marriage to survive. | 4/30/2008 |
| Q: My husband and I have been a couple for 20 years and married 11.5 years.We separated September ... A: First of all, I extend my sympathies and condolences. Sorry about your loss. It's very sad. There ... | |
| do I give up now | 4/29/2008 |
| Q: I can't seem to keep it short but I will try...I was married 25 years to my wife, have 3 amazing ... A: Yes, lots of thoughts. First thought is a book by Shirley Glass called "Not 'Just Friend'": ... | |
| military hubby wants out of marriage | 4/26/2008 |
| Q: i really feel alone here in europe. I have nobody at this crucial time. I understand all that you ... A: Quite a roller coaster you are on, and very unpleasant for you. You are in shock. Somewhere inside ... | |
| Meeting husband tomorrow & he wants divorce | 4/25/2008 |
| Q: I am at wits end. I really screwed up with my husband and he is very hurt and told our counselor he ... A: Here's the thing. You simply must be prepared for the worst. If you are not, you will not be able to ... | |
| Meeting husband tomorrow & he wants divorce | 4/24/2008 |
| Q: I am at wits end. I really screwed up with my husband and he is very hurt and told our counselor he ... A: Well you are probably getting this very late at night or first thing in the morning. I'm in New ... | |
| Meeting husband tomorrow & he wants divorce | 4/24/2008 |
| Q: I am at wits end. I really screwed up with my husband and he is very hurt and told our counselor he ... A: Jody, in order to help you I would need to know much more. The person who really ought to have some ... | |
| Do not not want to be married anymore. | 4/16/2008 |
| Q: I am a 38 yr old man who has been married for 9 yrs now to a wonderful lady, the mother of my 2 ... A: You're a brave and conscientious man. Thanks for the question. There IS a lot at stake here and ... | |
| ex and son | 4/14/2008 |
| Q: I hope that you can help me with a problem that i have. Three years ago i left my ex of 15 years ... A: I think what would be most helpful for you (if you haven't done this) is to go to at least six ... | |
| Telling our 4 year old | 4/13/2008 |
| Q: I filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery and my husband moved out yesterday. It is not ... A: From the little you've told me I can't tell. But in these kinds of situations it's often hard to ... | |
| How can I change? | 3/22/2008 |
| Q: Belove: My husband I have been married 24 years and have two children, 23 and 19. We have also had ... A: Gosh Laurel, what a hard story you have to tell. My practice usually has someone in it with a story ... | |
| boyfriends exwife | 3/12/2008 |
| Q: I have been dating this man for over 2 years. His exwife was the one who wanted out of the marriage ... A: You have a classic step family situation. In other cases like yours the ex had manipulated not only ... | |
| negative remarks about me to our 4 year old | 3/11/2008 |
| Q: I filed for divorce one year ago and during this process my husband requested an evaluation to ... A: Sounds like a horror story. If you are afraid to get a restraining order because you are ... | |
| To leave/not to leave | 3/3/2008 |
| Q: Belove, Hopefully you can help me. Me and my husband has been married for 8 years. The first 3 years ... A: Complex problem you have. Not unusual to have in-law problems in the early years. Most marriages ... | |
| Visitation Rights. | 2/27/2008 |
| Q: My question is a little complicated. My husband finalized his divorce in December of 2006. His ... A: If you want a legal document, you've got to get a lawyer. If you feel things are getting a little ... | |
| 4-year old and anxiety | 2/27/2008 |
| Q: I'm currently a live in nanny for family I've known for years. They are recently divorced, but the ... A: I guess I'll start with your disappointment with the counselor. That seems to have prompted your ... | |
| pregnant and divorcing | 2/25/2008 |
| Q: i am currently 6 months pregnant with my husbands child. We have no other children. we have been ... A: You'll need to speak to an attorney but my guess is that with a new born you'll have a lot of say ... | |
| How to tell my child that the ex has remarried | 2/22/2008 |
| Q: The question is, how do I tell my son (14y.o.) that his father is remarrying? The background: We ... A: There really isn't a simple answer to this question and there is a lot more I'd need to know. I ... | |
| claiming children | 2/18/2008 |
| Q: I've seen the question asked... 'If we have joint custody and I am the 'custodial parent' should I ... A: It's a little outside my expertise and I think it's a legal/accounting/tax question. I do know of ... | |
| boyfriend's belongings in ex's house | 2/13/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend and his ex have been divorced for about a year and a half. They had a friendly, ... A: Paula, It's a good question and I get many versions of this question. I have a few thoughts. ... | |
| relationship with ex- spouse and vacationing | 2/8/2008 |
| Q: What is an appropriate relationship with and ex-spouse? My boyfriend and his ex are friendly like ... A: Great story, great question. I think your boyfriend's offer was wise and what I would have ... | |
| controlling relationships | 2/5/2008 |
| Q: I was married for 15 years to a man who was manipulative and controlling. Because the abuse was ... A: Well, you weren't kidding about treating all men with contempt. I stand by your suggestion that you ... | |
| BF scared to marry after divorce | 2/3/2008 |
| Q: My boyfriend was married for 10 yrs to a woman who cheated on him repeatedly. They were married ... A: I think counseling can help, will help. He is raising some serious objections but he does not seem ... | |
| Is this normal? | 1/26/2008 |
| Q: My husband has left me after 15 years of a great marriage. We were best friends. In fact, he ... A: I do think you are right about the affair having been in process for a long time already. That is ... | |
| Visitation Rights | 1/24/2008 |
| Q: I have been in desperate need of understanding what my father (who has full custody) will not ... A: Get your mother to speak to a lawyer. This is a legal issue. You are still a minor. I simply can not ... | |
| moving forward... | 1/20/2008 |
| Q: I have been divorced for two years. We were married for 17 years, and have three wonderful teenage ... A: Across the street really does sound too close. It doesn't sound like there are any hard feelings ... | |
| Should I file for separation or not? | 1/20/2008 |
| Q: My husband and I are really different people. He's a very nice guy and a good person. He was ... A: Wow. It's hard to know where to begin. My first reaction was that you need more than a simple ... | |
| divorce | 1/11/2008 |
| Q: I am 30 Yrs. old Indian Hindu Woman from a conservative Indian Family. Being elderest among 4 ... A: What an amazingly complex situation you are dealing with here. It's hard to grasp the whole of it. ... | |
| what kind of baggage | 1/10/2008 |
| Q: One of your answers contained the following quote: "There is a certain kind of baggage that makes ... A: Yes, I figured you were intrigued because you thought it applied to you. I am curious about how this ... | |
| Involving boyfriend more with my children | 1/9/2008 |
| Q: I was searching for articles about involving my boyfriend more with my kids and found one such ... A: Your question is a good one and a common one. Yes, I do think "just ask" is a good policy in ... | |
| what kind of baggage | 1/9/2008 |
| Q: One of your answers contained the following quote: "There is a certain kind of baggage that makes ... A: You're right, I don't really "explain." Explaining would take a book and I do have notes for a ... | |
| the new girlfriend and why there are no boundries | 1/8/2008 |
| Q: I came into a relationship with a newly seperated man married 8 years with 4 children. we have been ... A: Nicole, this is, of course, one of the most common problems in midlife dating: the status of the ex- ... | |
| separation/divorce | 1/7/2008 |
| Q: I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. I have a complicated situation on my hands and I'm not ... A: Well, at least it sounds like you've had a break through and you've broken away from that terrible ... | |
| exhusband's girlfriend | 1/3/2008 |
| Q: She is very nice and I have no ill feelings towards her. However, she is constantly either giving ... A: I'll give you some suggestions and ask that you stay in touch with me as you do these things and let ... | |
| Divorce | 12/26/2007 |
| Q: "I was married 25 yrs and have been divorced for 3 yrs. My ex would not seek counseling for ... A: It's the day after Christmas so this answer will be late and I apologize. I didn't check any mail ... | |
| Scared to move on, but looking forward to it | 12/21/2007 |
| Q: Basically I have been a homemaker for the past 4 and half years. My daughter is 4 and my son is 1 ... A: Well, this is the sort of thing you want to talk to a therapist about. You kind of sort through the ... | |
| On the brink of divorce re: kids vs. no kids | 12/18/2007 |
| Q: My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years, we got married young at only 23. I've always ... A: My heart goes out to both of you. Of course there is so much history involved here that all I can do ... | |
| Boundaries for divorced couple who are now friends | 12/3/2007 |
| Q: My exhusband and I recently divorced and we have done a pretty good job of remaining friends after a ... A: Mary, thanks so much for this story. It's one of the best examples I've heard of how a divorce can ... | |
| My Mother Vs. My Morals | 11/26/2007 |
| Q: I am 25 years old and recently moved back home for a short time. I noticed a change in my mother. ... A: Sara, I'm about to travel and will be pre-occupied for the next 36 hours. I can answer you on ... | |
| Divorce | 11/7/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I have been married for 26 years. Married when I was 18, he was 20. We have 26 and 25 year ... A: First, congratulations on moving out. The marriage was incredibly abusive and you are indeed on the ... | |
| My boyfriends ex-wife | 11/6/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I am need of some guidance with my boyfriends' ex-wife. I am at a loss. Here is the deal, ... A: This is an open forum. She can read what's written here. If you don't care, write me again and I'll ... | |
| My boyfriends ex-wife | 11/5/2007 |
| Q: Belove, I am need of some guidance with my boyfriends' ex-wife. I am at a loss. Here is the deal, ... A: The divorce maybe be over legally but the fight, which the divorce was supposed to end, continues. ... | |
| stay or go? | 11/4/2007 |
| Q: I am so unhappy right now. I honestly cant say our marriage is 50 percent happy 50 percent ... A: Actually, if a marriage isn't 85% positive, it won't last. At the same time, once couples slip ... | |
| talking to a five year old about divorce | 11/3/2007 |
| Q: How (specifically) do you explain to a five year old that Mom is not coming back home to live with ... A: You have to be very simple and clear. The way you have phrased it in your question is good. Do not ... | |
| husband filed for divorce | 10/30/2007 |
| Q: How do I move on and let go when I still love my husband (who is emotionally/verbally/mentally ... A: Sorry you have suffer so. When someone you love dies it takes about two years to get through the ... | |
| Separation / Mind Games | 10/28/2007 |
| Q: My husband and I are legally separated since May 2007 but during our separation and before we signed ... A: Very sad story you've told. Sounds terribly painful and confusing and complicated. I think there ... | |
| My Marriage | 10/26/2007 |
| Q: My husband has addiction problems, drink, pills and I think with women. He started a group, it seems ... A: Your situation is very complex and you have some painful choices ahead. The self-doubting is a ... | |
| Divorce issue | 10/23/2007 |
| Q: Sharma, Thanks for your prompt response to my earlier question but I am sorry because i could not ... A: I'm sorry for the delay this time. I don't know why it took so long for me to get the question. I ... | |
| Seperated | 10/14/2007 |
| Q: My wife and I have been married for 15 years with 2 children (12 and 14). We have had time issues ... A: This is a difficult situation. Almost always people who cheat feel guilty and almost always they try ... | |
| relationship after marriage | 10/9/2007 |
| Q: I have looking for someone to help me get into the brain of my boyfriend. He was married (still is ... A: Good question. This is such an old story, you know. It's very, very difficult for the affair that ... | |
| anxiety at first step | 9/22/2007 |
| Q: 7 years ago I was so anxious about moving out I spent months in therapy and resolved my panic ... A: Tough situation and hard to advise you. There is so much you have not said. Still, inadequate as ... | |
| Confused | 9/10/2007 |
| Q: My husband and I have been married for two years now and I am only 21. We have been having several ... A: Well, first of all, stay away from your friend. If you guys get sexual you'll end up divorced and ... | |
| Divorce & effects later in life on my child and myself | 9/9/2007 |
| Q: I have been married to a mentally ill wife for the past 18 years. As with all couples there have ... A: Hard to say in general. In general divorce is hard on kids and the younger they are down to about 4, ... | |
| Divorce & effects later in life on my child and myself | 9/9/2007 |
| Q: I have been married to a mentally ill wife for the past 18 years. As with all couples there have ... A: You are indeed making one of life’s most difficult decisions. The consequences are enormous, either ... | |
| Visitation plan | 9/8/2007 |
| Q: After 15 years of marriage and 2 young children, my husband realized that he loves someone else. He ... A: Your question was vary specific but forgive me for stepping beyond it and responding to the phrase ... | |
| Violation to divorce decree | 9/4/2007 |
| Q: Due to alcohol abuse by my ex-husband, I asked that there would not be any alcohol consumption when ... A: Not sure why having him arrested is unacceptable. I suggest you go to some Alanon meetings and ... | |
| What can I do? | 8/27/2007 |
| Q: Dr. Belove - you have been such a help to me with my guilt, etc. trying to separate from my husband. ... A: I was answering your question and lost the file. This might be the second answer. My first reaction ... | |
| Divorce | 8/27/2007 |
| Q: My husband and I separated a year ago. We tried to get back together in February but I believe it ... A: Depends a lot on what you mean by "take it slow" and what he means by "all or nothing." My guess ... | |
| Wife won't leave mortgage too high to secure another place | 8/23/2007 |
| Q: Wife and I are different people. Basically she shows no affection (nothing) towards me. I am the ... A: You'll need to talk to a lawyer. Sounds like you have a hard time standing up for yourself and also ... | |
| separation after 20 years | 8/21/2007 |
| Q: My 18 year old daughter discovered my husband of 20 years had a lover. My husband, a few months ... A: You probably will need me or someone like me to work this one through. I'd guess that the troubles ... | |
| Friend's Divorce | 8/20/2007 |
| Q: Belove. My friend Jamie recently wrote to you about feeling guilty about spending her kids braces ... A: Sonya, it's a strange phenomenon and many have noted it. Some call it like the Stockholm syndrome. ... | |
| spouse moves out | 8/18/2007 |
| Q: Son's spouse left, she moved out and got an apartment with a 1 yr lease. Minor children were left ... A: He needs an attorney. There is such a thing as a separation agreement which establishes the terms of ... | |
| Visitation Rights | 8/17/2007 |
| Q: I have been in desperate need of understanding what my father (who has full custody) will not ... A: Bethany, I don't know the legal aspects and can't advise you. I would be suspicious of your ... | |
| Divorce | 8/16/2007 |
| Q: Your statement on divorce being the first intentional decision of our lives or something to that ... A: "Conflict adverse" might be the core issue with you, your baggage. We might find that it has ... | |
| Divorce | 8/15/2007 |
| Q: Your statement on divorce being the first intentional decision of our lives or something to that ... A: If you have an affair partner then there is no clean or loving way out. It's not the crime, it's the ... | |
| Hung Up on Boyfriend's Ex | 8/8/2007 |
| Q: Ok here is the situation....I met my boyfriend in June of 2006 and we started hanging out in ... A: You asked a very big question, too big for a brief answer like this one. Take your misgivings ... | |
| Guilt | 8/6/2007 |
| Q: I have been married for 16 years to a very controlling, emotionally abusive and demanding man. I ... A: Welcome to your midlife crisis. It sounds like you are doing a good job at learning the new ways you ... | |
| Accidental Death of boyfriend & almost ex-wife | 8/3/2007 |
| Q: Sisters boyfriend died last weekend in accidental drowning . His divorce was not quite final. She ... A: That is an infuriating story. I'm so sorry. It's a legal matter and I don't know what you might be ... | |
| how to deal with anger | 8/3/2007 |
| Q: I'm 16 years old and my mother and father are getting a divorce. My father is a Licenced ... A: First get yourself a counselor. You will need the professional support. This is a David and Goliath ... | |
| dialogue | 7/28/2007 |
| Q: This isn't a divorce question, but I think since you are experienced with cold, calcuating, cunning ... A: I really can't tell which of you is right. I can see that you actually do want him to suffer. ... | |
| Ex-wife | 7/25/2007 |
| Q: I don't even know where to begin. I have been with fiancé for 2 years. He has been divorce for 4 ... A: Heather, this is a very serious situation. You must speak to Child Protective Services. I am ... | |
| Divorce and Dating | 7/17/2007 |
| Q: I have been divorced for about a month now. I am currently dating my High School Sweetheart and we ... A: T. I think you guys should wait for a year or more. It's hard to tell since you've left a lot out ... | |
| Child that I can no longer protect | 7/16/2007 |
| Q: I considered staying with my x so my daughter would be safe from him but trusted the court system ... A: What you've described is certainly abuse. In fact, it sounds so extreme that I find it hard to ... | |
| Cheating Wife | 7/10/2007 |
| Q: 20some years ago, my wife kept telling me I was cheating on her. I was not! Her one brother knows ... A: Wow. That's bitter. I can see why your daughters might want to stay away from you. When we get ... | |
| Husband is Unhappy | 7/10/2007 |
| Q: We have been married for 5yrs and have had to deal with many bad luck issues. Firstly we moved away ... A: That's hard. And bleak. You don't include a lot in your narrative that shows any promise. I think ... | |
| Cheating Wife | 7/8/2007 |
| Q: 20some years ago, my wife kept telling me I was cheating on her. I was not! Her one brother knows ... A: Sounds like a lot of bitterness and a lot of craziness. Sorry you had to suffer that. The loss of ... | |
| Am I angry, or still in love? | 7/8/2007 |
| Q: What started this whole mess was me telling my 25 year husband that I couldn't take our marriage any ... A: You want advice on how to cope with the divorce. Interesting choice of word, “cope.” It usually ... | |
| Difficult to contact children | 6/29/2007 |
| Q: I live in the US, and my ex-wife and two sons live in the UK. Up until recently, our telephone ... A: We spoke before didn't we? PAS is hard, hard, hard. I'd be happy to give it some thought but I ... | |
| dont know what to do? | 6/16/2007 |
| Q: I have been married for 8 years never have cheated. I have treated my husband like crap told him I ... A: I had to think a long time about your letter. You have entered your midlife crisis. Often when ... | |
| Loveless Marriage | 6/16/2007 |
| Q: I recently found out that my husband was having an affair for the last 2 years. We have been going ... A: Your marriage is still in crisis mode and this is always painful and frightening. People who have ... | |
| Stuck in the middle. | 6/16/2007 |
| Q: I am 22 years old. I have just graduated college with a degree in theatre and have my first job ... A: I think you picked the right word when you said your father was the "crux for me." "Crux" means ... | |
| Should I get a divorce | 6/15/2007 |
| Q: I am 26 yrs old with 2 kids, I've been married for 6 yrs, as you can see I got married really young. ... A: Trisha, Hi, Love is a living being fed by living beings. It's either nourished and grows or starved ... | |
| Getting Rid of the Ex-Husband | 6/13/2007 |
| Q: After 13 years of marriage my husband reavealed to me that he is really homosexual in orientation. ... A: I am relieved to read your reply. Good. You've worked through a lot of this. I was afraid you ... | |
| Getting Rid of the Ex-Husband | 6/13/2007 |
| Q: After 13 years of marriage my husband reavealed to me that he is really homosexual in orientation. ... A: You are very brave to raise this question. Good for you. I'm not sure what to say. I worry that ... | |
| Help | 6/10/2007 |
| Q: My husband is an alcoholic that I know he will never change. I want to leave him but am absolutly ... A: Difficult situation. You really asked for legal advice, I think. I know that you have some ... | |
| Anger Issues | 6/4/2007 |
| Q: For the past two years, I have been angry with my father. We used to be very close,but when I Found ... A: Wow. That's a difficult set of questions. You have a complex situation on your hands. I'll tell you ... | |
| dont know what to do? | 6/2/2007 |
| Q: I have been married for 8 years never have cheated. I have treated my husband like crap told him I ... A: I work on a sliding scale but the lowest I go is $50.00. You might be able to work with someone ... | |
| dont know what to do? | 6/2/2007 |
| Q: I have been married for 8 years never have cheated. I have treated my husband like crap told him I ... A: You have more work to do, that’s for sure but you’ve made that first step and there is no denying it ... | |
| Time | 5/28/2007 |
| Q: Divorced Hispanic male, for over 25 years. She filled blamed me for all the shortcomings in the ... A: Hola, You have my sympathies. Yes I can help and it would probably take several phone ... | |
| Telling the children | 5/23/2007 |
| Q: What is the best way to tell my children that their father and I are divorcing? I think that both ... A: Their first concern will be access to both of you. You will want to reassure them that, even though ... | |
| Divorce Process | 5/16/2007 |
| Q: I am in KY, my husband kicked my out of the house for no reason & i have no right to go back in the ... A: Unusual story. usually it's the woman who kicks the man out of the house and the woman whose lawyer ... | |
| Anger | 5/16/2007 |
| Q: I lived with an abusive husband for over 20 years. I left nearly two years ago. As soon as I left ... A: You've asked a very brave question. What you need to do is well known. Many have faced this same ... | |
| Relationship Gone South and Two Children Involved | 4/27/2007 |
| Q: I have been involved with my common-law wife for five years. We have had some good times but a lot ... A: There is good book about this: Private Lies. The author has a lot of experience and has really ... | |
| trouble with my boyfriend's ex wife | 4/24/2007 |
| Q: i have been with my boyfriend now for 18 months and we have a son (6 mons). I also have a daughter(5 ... A: I'm so glad the web page included our previous letters. I think I said to you that the way to ... | |
| divorce and my 3 yr old | 4/12/2007 |
| Q: Recently I have found that my husband has been unfaithful for most of our marriage. He was already ... A: Few moments more difficult than this one. I'm so sorry. Know this: whatever you say, he won't be ... | |
| trouble with my boyfriend's ex wife | 4/11/2007 |
| Q: i have been with my boyfriend now for 18 months and we have a son (6 mons). I also have a daughter(5 ... A: You are right. It is a key fact. All the difference in the world. So the challenge is how to draw ... | |
| trouble with my boyfriend's ex wife | 4/9/2007 |
| Q: i have been with my boyfriend now for 18 months and we have a son (6 mons). I also have a daughter(5 ... A: It's a common problem. You will probably really hate the anwer I have for you but I've worked with ... | |
| Lost | 3/29/2007 |
| Q: My wife had an affair over a year ago. We went to counseling and have been trying to work things ... A: I think I just answered this, but I'll answer again. If you are feeling hopeless is because her ... | |
| divorce | 3/24/2007 |
| Q: i recently started divorce actions against my husband and i want to give our relationship a real ... A: You know I can't give you legal advice either. I'm a psychologist. My guess is that you can always ... | |
| help | 3/23/2007 |
| Q: in caracas my 14 years old son had an argument at the catholic high school he atends with other boy. ... A: The four things you said are all good things to present at the meeting. You don't have to promise ... | |
| help | 3/23/2007 |
| Q: in caracas my 14 years old son had an argument at the catholic high school he atends with other boy. ... A: It's hard to tell what is right. Was was right during the world cup head butt? it was a fight. It ... | |
| help | 3/23/2007 |
| Q: in caracas my 14 years old son had an argument at the catholic high school he atends with other boy. ... A: Aurax. Get a therapist. Whatever confusion you have -- and seems like a lot -- you will pass along ... | |
| Forced Into A Divorce - Or Is There Hope? | 3/14/2007 |
| Q: I apologize in advance for this length of my “question”. My wife and I have been married for over ... A: That's a huge question you've asked. My first recommendation is that you book an hour or two of ... | |
| Was it a good reason that she left and should I take her back when she calls, | 3/1/2007 |
| Q: Two weeks of that was a honneymoon. My soon to be ex-wife said she left because she was not getting ... A: I am so sorry that you are suffering so mightily. I think this particular kind of break up is one of ... | |
| Divorce | 2/28/2007 |
| Q: how do I go about going to get a divorce when he don't want one and theres a house involved?No ... A: There are lots of divorces where only one party wants one. It's not uncommon. You'll need a lawyer. ... | |
| too noisy to me? | 2/21/2007 |
| Q: I live in a 43 saquare meters apartment with my wife and my two doughters. My neighbor was an ... A: It's normal. A noisy neighbor is very annoying. At the same time you have some real distortions in ... | |
| Parents in two different states | 2/17/2007 |
| Q: Coming upon a situation that will resolve some of my problems, I'm basically a single mother of a ... A: Ouch. You really do have a difficult call to make, don't you. My immediate reactions to your story ... | |
| Divorce | 2/9/2007 |
| Q: i have been married for nearly 7 years now and we have several different issues tearing our marriage ... A: You do have your hands full. You probably don't realize how bitter and resentment you've become. It ... | |
| Effects on Children Moving from One Parent | 2/1/2007 |
| Q: My ex-wife is planning on moving out of state with our kids. I am in the process of trying to see ... A: It's not good for them to be so far away. It's a kind of major cut-off. I do think you can protest ... | |
| Abandonment issues in a 4 year-old? | 1/14/2007 |
| Q: Belove. I am in therapy myself and my therapist has advised me that my ex-husband sounds like and ... A: Sounds like some of my clinical guesses were good. So your daughter will be worried about her dad ... | |
| Abandonment issues in a 4 year-old? | 1/14/2007 |
| Q: My ex-husband has depression and generalized anxiety disorder. After years of mental and verbal ... A: Big time issues here. Your daughter is way over the top on this one and I think you ought bring in ... | |
| Granparents Divorce | 1/12/2007 |
| Q: We are dealing with a tough situation right now. My mother-in-law was just informed by her husband ... A: I agree with you. He is part of the family history and that’s reason enough. Thirty years is lots of ... | |
| appropriate relationship with ex spouses | 1/8/2007 |
| Q: What is an appropriate relationship with an ex-spouse? My boyfriend and his ex had a very amicable ... A: I think you are appropriately concerned. The "coming on vacation" comment is the clearest example, ... | |
| Lawyer Moves | 1/7/2007 |
| Q: Me and my 2 minor children have been living with my parent's since July 2006. My parent's helped me ... A: Strictly speaking this question is beyond my competence as a psychologist. I suggest you give a ... | |
| single father - future prospects with women | 1/1/2007 |
| Q: I'm 45 years old and have split from my former wife. She had mental illness and issues of harm to ... A: I think you've sized it up about right, except for the part about how single mothers of young ... | |
| Helping my divorced partners children deal with me being around. | 12/27/2006 |
| Q: My partner and I hav ebeen together only a few months, but we were friends before. He has recently ... A: I would need more information. It's very important how intimate you guys were before the divorce. If ... | |
| With Mr Right but think about Mr Wrong | 12/13/2006 |
| Q: .. After thinking it over and thinking about how much I want my current love to feel he has my full ... A: That worked out very well didn't it. I'm not surprised. The best way out of a triangle is to drop ... | |
| With Mr Right but think about Mr Wrong | 12/11/2006 |
| Q: I do not feel comfortable with speaking to Mr Wrong as there was quite a lot of emotional and verbal ... A: Well, do the letter you don't mail thing and really go for it. You'll be surprised at what comes up. ... | |
| no place to go | 12/11/2006 |
| Q: I have been in a relationship with my gf for 10 yrs. She has lived with me for 8 of those yrs. We ... A: That is a very difficult situation. I think you'll have to work it out with her and ask for her ... | |
| With Mr Right but think about Mr Wrong | 12/11/2006 |
| Q: Was divorced from Mr Wrong 3 years ago. He was my 1st love and we married at 20. We were married ... A: You have some unfinished business with your ex and you probably need a conversation, at least, with ... | |
| Divorce and my 2 yr old | 11/28/2006 |
| Q: I left my husband in March of this year. My divorce will be final in Dec. I have a 2 1/2 yr old son ... A: Kori, A version of your question seems to come up a few times a year, if that's any comfort. Here ... | |
| Acknowledgment | 11/24/2006 |
| Q: Am in the process of getting divorced. My husband is the most charming man anyone can meet, until he ... A: That's a very good question. My guess is that you have exaggerated the situation. I do believe you ... | |
| life after divorce | 11/20/2006 |
| Q: I would like to talk more about my situation as I desperately need help (emotional/ mental) Please ... A: I got your email. Thanks. I'm traveling today and tomorrow and I'll be in LA on Wednesday and ... | |
| husband doesn't work | 11/18/2006 |
| Q: I've been married for 13yrs have 2 kids and I love my husband. He is a good dad and husband except ... A: Treeser, Based on the little you've told me I think you are doing the right thing. It takes two to ... | |
| He is still married! | 11/17/2006 |
| Q: He is still married! I should tell you that he has never went back to her to stay then come ... A: You know, we might do better if we spoke. You could write me at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com to ... | |
| He is still married! | 11/16/2006 |
| Q: Well, you've heard this before, but this is a little different. I started seeing a married man in ... A: I'm so sorry. The situation you are in is impossible. You said, "I feel just like the other ... | |
| child porn | 11/16/2006 |
| Q: I foound my husband up at 2 am masturbating and I was able to search his deleted history.... found ... A: Sounds serious. Go to google and type in the search window: reporting child pornography. It will ... | |
| Should I let my son live with his father? | 11/5/2006 |
| Q: My husband and I divorced a year ago and I was given primary custody of our 14-year-old son. My ex ... A: It's hard to know the answer in your case. People do elaborate custody evaluations and write up 20 ... | |
| How Friends treat Friends in a Divorce | 11/4/2006 |
| Q: Last month I left my husband of 17-years. Since the separation, he has been contacting two of my ... A: This is common problem both for the couple getting the divorce and for people who were the friends ... | |
| telling a 5 yr old | 11/1/2006 |
| Q: my wife of 6 years and i decided in july to get divorced...we didnt even tell family members till a ... A: If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you one and I'm genuinely curious. I've heard this phrase so ... | |
| divorce | 10/28/2006 |
| Q: I have not seen or heard from my husband for 20 years nor know where he is How can I divorce him? A: I don't know. I'm not a lawyer. However, it might be surprisingly easy. Contact legal aid and ask ... | |
| Live-in boyfriend still won't divorce his ex | 10/25/2006 |
| Q: In Jan '05 I(29) met my boyfriend(38), he was very open about the fact that he was still married, ... A: I'm afraid you are in the mistress position and unless that is exactly what you want and all you ... | |
| divorced parents can't agree on anything | 10/24/2006 |
| Q: You were dead-on with absolutely everything. I had been thinking along the same lines as what you ... A: You've got your work cut out for you. You might want to do a little reading. The best presentation ... | |
| divorced parents can't agree on anything | 10/23/2006 |
| Q: I am a divorced (8 years ago) mom of 9 year old twins who is having difficulty compromising ... A: This is a difficult situation and it is a power struggle, probably an extension of why you are ... | |
| Allimony and Taxes | 10/20/2006 |
| Q: I have been order to pay alimony (3,000/mo)indefinitely based on an income I don't actually make. ... A: Ouch. You aren't the first man to be in this situation. You've got a legal problem and you have to ... | |
| divorce | 10/19/2006 |
| Q: my husband and i have been seperated for two years now,he found someone else.he kick me out and i ... A: What a powerful and disturbing story you've told. You asked whether he can quit making payments. ... | |
| My husband has abandoned me | 10/9/2006 |
| Q: I am currently recovering from my 2nd back surger in 64 days. I am only 6 days past my surgery and ... A: He probbly can't just walk away. You'll need a lawyer and I can't give you legal advice. Try a ... | |
| dating during divorce | 9/27/2006 |
| Q: I filed for divorce a month ago after learning my husband was having an 'emotional relationship'. ... A: First of all, my sympathies to you. It's a shame and will be very difficult for your three year old. ... | |
| mediation and psych eval | 9/27/2006 |
| Q: I have been divorced for 3 years. I non contested the divorce based on the wife's word she was going ... A: Sounds like you really don't like the current arrangment and you think you are giving away way too ... | |
| Leaving the state with children/ Minnesota | 9/26/2006 |
| Q: My lady and I are Having a child together, and we have oppertunities to leave state. The problem is ... A: You've asked a legal question. I'm a psychologist with expertise in how couples develop themselves. ... | |
| Dealing with divorce | 9/25/2006 |
| Q: My husband are starting the separation process, and will eventually be divorce, after 26 yrs of ... A: It's a good one. (Also, the "filby" struck me. As a young man that was my nickname. I got it ... | |
| divorce | 9/24/2006 |
| Q: my son is at a juvenile detention ctr i would like to put him into a wilderness program, the father ... A: Sorry I can't help you with your question. It's a legal matter and I'm a psychologist with an ... | |
| divorce and real estate | 9/18/2006 |
| Q: My grandson is not yet divorced and wanted to buy a house. Is that possible before the divorce and ... A: Bonnie, thanks for your question. It's a legal question probably and I'm a psychologist and so my ... | |
| getting over divorce | 9/3/2006 |
| Q: am 26 years old and i got married right after graduation from university for only 5 months and i ... A: I am very sorry about your pain. That is how it is. It could take you up to three years to get over ... | |
| Ordered to leave own home | 9/1/2006 |
| Q: I went through a messy divorce afew years ago. During the process I was the one who was ordered to ... A: Tricky question for me to handle. I'm sure there are stories within stories within stories here. ... | |
| Divorce | 8/31/2006 |
| Q: My husband has filed for divorce,he has paid for a survivors annuity for the past 20years with me as ... A: I can't help you on this one. It's a legal/financial question and my expertise is psychology. Good ... | |
| Why is | 8/20/2006 |
| Q: I am a widow(54)dating an honest caring man(56) for 2 yrs. He married once and was asked for a ... A: Being an old Gilbert and Sullivan fan, the initials HMS have such meaning for me, but I've set that ... | |
| Property | 8/7/2006 |
| Q: Mr. Belove, My name is Nicholas and I am in the process of a divorce and we are trying to be ... A: Nicholas, This question is outside my expertise. You might want to talk to an attorney. You might ... | |
| Boyfriends ex-wife... | 8/7/2006 |
| Q: My boyfriend is the father of 2 girls which he had in a past marriage. He has been divorced now for ... A: Great, great question. One major section of my book about dating at midlife has to do with this ... | |
| tell the child | 8/6/2006 |
| Q: Can you advise me what to tell a 5 year old child about divorce. It's a cheating husband. She's ... A: It's hard to answer your question without more information. I would prefer the wording,"Mom and ... | |
| Custody | 8/3/2006 |
| Q: I have been divorced for 3 years and my ex still has anger towards me. He plays games when it comes ... A: My heart goes out to you. You need a lawyer and you probably need a therapist, too. I would imagine ... | |
| divorce | 8/2/2006 |
| Q: I have been married for 17 years. My husband have been living together now for 2 yrs after being ... A: First of all, the connection between you and your husband is very strong and I don't think you guys ... | |
| Just need advice | 8/1/2006 |
| Q: My wife and I have decided to split. She wants a seperation, I might as well get a divorce. We want ... A: Sounds like a situation where you guys ought to get a mediator. Also it sounds like things really ... | |
| Win back my husband | 7/30/2006 |
| Q: My husband of ten years decided he was unhappy. He moved far away to start his life over and left me ... A: I know I've recently told a couple of women what I thought they could do and in those cases there ... | |
| seperation | 7/29/2006 |
| Q: I live in Maryland. My wife and I are having trouble and she asked me to leave the house because ... A: Jake, thanks for writing. Talk to an attorney. You've asked a legal question. On the ... | |
| Father-to-be walked out on his marriage | 7/29/2006 |
| Q: My husband and I of four years recently found out we were pregnant after years of trying. About ... A: You've asked two questions: what is going through his mind and should I try to save this marriage. ... | |
| I NEED A PLAN | 7/28/2006 |
| Q: I thought I would answer you questions. I hope I can come up with something. I tried to find ... A: It was a little difficult to tell what came from you and what was just a duplicate of what I sent. ... | |
| I NEED A PLAN | 7/26/2006 |
| Q: I sent this earlier but it was answered by S. Kessler who, no offense, wasn't helpful at all. My ... A: I hope I can come up with something. I tried to find Kessler's answer but couldn't. I am curious ... | |
| What a mess | 7/25/2006 |
| Q: My wife told me last year she was not happy in our 10 year marriage. At the end of the year I found ... A: There might be a few things you can do. The making you a villain is a common move by people who ... | |
| Alimony | 7/25/2006 |
| Q: My husband quit his job three years ago and has not brought home a paycheck with the exception of a ... A: You've asked a legal question and I have no particular expertise so my answers aren't going to be ... | |
| How can I win my husband back . | 7/24/2006 |
| Q: A turn around, I asked him to let's ride together to take our son, he just point told me thought it ... A: Sounds like you have handled things well. Also it sounds like you have been fortunate in finding a ... | |
| X- wife | 7/21/2006 |
| Q: (no children).now have been divorced for 1.5 yrs. Have a wonderful relationship of 9mos with someone ... A: Good question. You've had an intuitive response. Sounds like one of the ways baggage shows itself. ... | |
| adultry | 7/16/2006 |
| Q: my husband has filed for divorce on grounds of adultry and i have answered his complaint and im not ... A: I can't tell you. I don't know. It often depends on the county and local conditions. I'm a ... | |
| Divorce | 7/16/2006 |
| Q: have been married for 8 years (Aug 06.)My husband has cheated on me throughout our marriage and is ... A: This is a very difficult situation. Based on the little you've said in this letter, I don't think ... | |
| how to make things even | 7/14/2006 |
| Q: married 28yr right out of high school we were 17 and preg. got a good pay job in a factory and hated ... A: You have a tough battle on your hands. As you tell the story, she sounds really resentful, really ... | |
| How can I win my husband back . | 7/10/2006 |
| Q: Can you please tell me how to win my husband back after divorce. I love him I was marriage for over ... A: What you have to do will be very difficult and will require cleverness and patience. He is a ... | |
| dating ex-husband | 7/7/2006 |
| Q: I trid to go to your website like you suggested(drbelove@datingatmidlife.com)to answer the question ... A: I am disturbed to hear that you couldn't pull up my web site. Thanks for telling me. I'll check it ... | |
| infidelity | 7/7/2006 |
| Q: I recently caught my wife having an affair with my lawyer...when I confronted her she went through a ... A: (I hit the wrong button on the experts site and you may get a notice that I'm not answering this ... | |
| moving on from divorce | 7/6/2006 |
| Q: Well, 3 years ago I left my husband because of infedility. We argured, talked, made various ... A: You want me to tell you you are not crazy. I have mixed feelings about that. I think what you are ... | |
| Property settlement | 7/6/2006 |
| Q: My wife and I are going thru an uncontested divorce. We live in Virginia. We have a separation ... A: I can only answer the psychology part of your question, which appears to be mainly a legal and ... | |
| Married 23 years, feel betrayed | 7/5/2006 |
| Q: Married 23 year, 2 college age children. Husband lost our business due to taking money that wasn't ... A: This is a sad, sad story you have to tell. And you are in some trouble too. First, for support, ... | |
| Divorce decree violation and plan simple mean behavior. | 7/5/2006 |
| Q: The ex is constantly interferring with my visitation and communication with my children. My ... A: I'm not sure what would be helpful to you. YOu said you wanted an opinion. Well, it sure sounds like ... | |
| Divorce decree violation and plan simple mean behavior. | 7/3/2006 |
| Q: The ex is constantly interferring with my visitation and communication with my children. My ... A: It's a legal problem and as a psychologist I can't give you legal advice. Amazingly bitter ... | |
| divorce | 6/27/2006 |
| Q: we have been broken up for 2 years and lived in another state. I have already filed for divorce and ... A: Probably not but I am not a lawyer. I am a psychologist and you have asked for a legal opinion. My ... | |
| introducing kids to new boyfriend | 6/12/2006 |
| Q: My wife of 16 years...(15 of which were happy)has introduced a boyfriend to our 2 boys 15 and 12 via ... A: The emotional hurt your boys will suffer will be caused far more by the sudden breakup of your ... | |
| How to move on | 6/6/2006 |
| Q: I'm starting to wonder sometimes if I am crazy. Why is that after someone has done so many awful ... A: I'm sure these are thoughts you've been carrying for a long time. I'll do my best for you here. ... | |
| Laws surrounding spouse entitlement | 5/17/2006 |
| Q: What type of entitlement does a spouse (wife) have to husbands money? I always hear they are ... A: I can't help you. THis is a legal question. I'm a psychologist and can't give legal advice. Try ... | |
| Emotional problems after ending abusive relationship | 5/11/2006 |
| Q: I was in a 12-year-long abusive relationship with a man who had custody of his 3 daughters. He was ... A: Your problem is predictable and not that unusual. And, yes, therapy is a good idea. What happens ... | |
| visitation schedules and verbal abuse | 5/11/2006 |
| Q: My ex-husband and I have been apart/divorced for 9yrs. We have a 17yr old and a 10yr old, both ... A: Must be something going around. Maybe it’s Spring. I’m just now working with someone ... | |
| visitation schedules and verbal abuse | 5/11/2006 |
| Q: My ex-husband and I have been apart/divorced for 9yrs. We have a 17yr old and a 10yr old, both ... A: Must be something going around. Maybe it’s Spring. I’m just now working with someone ... | |
| Please tell me how? | 4/13/2006 |
| Q: So after 8 years it's over. He left once for a girl he met in a chat room, I let him come back and ... A: You have my sympathies. First of all, to get right to your last question, it isn't right. In the ... | |
| Want revenge | 4/8/2006 |
| Q: I don't even have the money for an attourney yet, and I think that would have to come first before I ... A: I'm glad what I said was encouraging. I can't say enough good about 12 step meetings. You have to ... | |
| Custody/welfare of child | 4/8/2006 |
| Q: Philip, Many thanks for your reply. I fear, however, that I have not given you all the information ... A: Well, you have me stumped. I don't know what to advise you. I am so used to our legal system and its ... | |
| Custody/welfare of child | 4/7/2006 |
| Q: I am separated, currently divorcing and I have a child who is nearly 4 years old. I am trying to ... A: It is sad that your relationship has so deteriorated and there is so much hatred in the air. I'm ... | |
| Want revenge | 4/7/2006 |
| Q: I am 20 and my wife is 20. We met each other 4 years ago and have been married since October 12th, ... A: First of all you say her mother is an ex addict and then at the end, that neither family has a ... | |
| Violence after divorce | 2/10/2006 |
| Q: In less than 1 week, I have read in the newspaper and on the internet that three different men, got ... A: I thought I had answered this. I've been on the road. So, my apologies. I did like the answer I'd ... | |
| Children & dating during divorce | 2/5/2006 |
| Q: Dr. Belove. I have written to you before. I filed for divorce the week of Thanksgiving after ... A: It is a painful story. It is hard to tell at this point in time how the future will unfold. ... | |
| Divorce? | 1/13/2006 |
| Q: I think my husband is considering leaving me. Can he file for divorce without telling me? How can I ... A: This is a legal question. I can give you answers but for authoritative answers you have to talk to a ... | |
| Visitation issues | 1/3/2006 |
| Q: Okay, here is my situation. I filed for divorce before Thanksgiving. We have temporary orders in ... A: I think it makes sense to look at this as two problems. One is a legal problem and the other ... | |
| Children/Divorce | 1/3/2006 |
| Q: I am going a divorce with two children the ages of 6 and 5. My ex-husband left my children november ... A: Terrible story. What he did was quite awful and it pains me to read it. How far away is he? Has he ... | |
| Kids | 12/19/2005 |
| Q: I have been married for a wonderful 6.5 years to a great man with a 10 yr. old son from a previous ... A: Also, I appreciate being addressed by name. This is a really difficult situation you've described. ... | |
| Do you rememeber me III | 11/18/2005 |
| Q: Followup To Question - sometimes I think about studing math as an abssesion, even the fact that ... A: I remember you but I I don't remember what we talked about. I do give advice. I give ... | |
| Children of Divorce | 11/15/2005 |
| Q: I am 36 yrs old with a 31/2 yr old daughter...I have been separated and now divorced for 2yrs and I ... A: Try anything by Emily Visher. There's also a magazine. You can have one free phone call with me ... | |
| personal items | 11/14/2005 |
| Q: my husband and I separated last Nov. I had asked him to get his belongings out of my house before ... A: You've asked a legal question. My legal advice is worth no more than any other non-lawyer's opinion. ... | |
| Do you rememeber me II | 11/8/2005 |
| Q: You know I consulted a free psychiatrist in a hospital who was lacanian and he never says anything, ... A: You have blamed the psychiatrist for not warning you sufficiently. Be careful when you do that. It ... | |
| Divorce/Children | 11/8/2005 |
| Q: I am a 46 year white female and my husband of 10 years has moved to FL and taken a job with a ... A: You do have a difficult situation on your hands. As I read your letter I hear a lot of ... | |
| retirement | 11/7/2005 |
| Q: I have been married 6 years. Am I able to get 1/2 of his retirement? Also, he has a motorcycle and ... A: For ethical reasons, I can't give you legal advice, so I don't know what you can get in a ... | |
| Do you rememeber me? | 11/7/2005 |
| Q: I am the one a con-woman fulled with a movil phone and suffered two horrible grieves. Are you able ... A: This is certainly a call for help. I don't know whether I can help you or not. I know that ... | |
| No money for divorce | 11/3/2005 |
| Q: I am in need of getting a divorce so that many many financial issues can be cleared up as to who is ... A: As a psyschologist I can't give legal advice. And if it did anyway, it wouldn't be worth much. But ... | |
| Finding a way to be divorced & to live on ss disability | 10/17/2005 |
| Q: I am 52 yr . and have been marriied for 21 Yrs. I have 2 children, 1 who will soon be 19 and lives ... A: You ask a huge question. I'll take a guess. I'll go way out on a limb. I might say some things you ... | |
| insurance | 10/2/2005 |
| Q: what should I ask for health insurance; I have MS and I've had it for 11 years. The past three ... A: I'm not an attorney so this is not legal advice. I think you've asked a legal question. My sense is ... | |
| teenager/long distance transition | 9/26/2005 |
| Q: I am in a long distance [ld] relationship for almost a year now; sometimes I fly out to see him and ... A: Good questions. You aren't the only one asking them. You might find some information on the various ... | |
| moving out | 8/17/2005 |
| Q: My husband and I recently decided to divorce/separate. He is going to keep the house. Is it ok to ... A: Good luck . This will be a difficult transition. Don't be too hard on yourself and take it easy. ... | |
| Rights of working spouse married 25+ years | 6/27/2005 |
| Q: My boyfriend is going through a divorce. He had been married for more than 25 years and his wife ... A: What a nasty story. I can't really advise you about your legal situation. I'm a psychologist, not a ... | |
| Visitation after divorce | 6/20/2005 |
| Q: When my 3 year old daughter came back from her visit with her father(This was her third visit after ... A: It is sad and a three year old can't begin to understand what a divorce means. All she knows is that ... | |
| i'm in new york can child... | 5/20/2005 |
| Q: i'm in new york can child support be applied retroactively even on the non costodial parent who ahs ... A: These are legal questions and I'm a psychologist and my professional ethics don't allow me answering ... | |
| First Step? | 4/7/2005 |
| Q: I am going through a separation. My husband just moved out of my apartment. I need to know what are ... A: You're asking for legal advice. I'm a psychologist and can't help you there. You'll need a lawyer. ... | |
| children in the middle | 4/6/2005 |
| Q: I've been married for 23 years. I've been a quiet person compared to my wife's outspoken ... A: It's not that unusual a problem. I've coached a few people through this one. The ultimatum is ... | |
| Divorce seems to be the only option | 3/19/2005 |
| Q: Does it get easier? I don't think I can cry anymore...I am literally emotionally and physically ill. ... A: Well you do have your hands full. I'm going to make a bunch of guesses here and they are guesses. ... | |
| Infidelity | 2/27/2005 |
| Q: I was in an abusive marriage. Instead of standing on my own two feet, I involved myself in an ... A: I could help you but I'd need to know more. If you were still in your marriage I would simply tell ... | |
| Dealing with Pressure | 2/9/2005 |
| Q: How can I deal with my boyfriends ex....She has poisoned her childrens minds. I have been living ... A: I've helped some others with this situation. It's a hard one and it won't yield easily. It might ... | |
| GETTING OVER IT.. | 12/29/2004 |
| Q: IAM AN ACTIVE DUTY MILITARY MEMBER .IAM 27 AND JUST RECENTLY DIVORCED.WE WERE ONLY MARRIED ABOUT ... A: Very resourceful of you to find me. I would recommend counseling but it depends a lot on the ... | |
| Divorce | 12/18/2004 |
| Q: What are the effects of divorce on the family? How can divorce also be a good things for the family? A: There's been a lot of research on the topic. I suggest you start with Judith Wallerstein and her ... | |
| Divorce: the effect on the children | 12/6/2004 |
| Q: I am writing you because I am a journalism student at Ball State University and I am researching the ... A: Could you please continue this dialog with me directly at drbelove@datingmidlife.com and not through ... | |
| My wife wnats to stay friends, even have sex !! | 12/5/2004 |
| Q: I am only recently seperated, 3 months, living out of the house 5 weeks, I have already felt like ... A: I don't think a long-term plan is the best idea at this point in time. I might be wrong. I'd need to ... | |
| Should I hold off dating ? | 12/4/2004 |
| Q: I am only 3 months into a seperation, have been only living outside the home for 1 month. After the ... A: Chris, It's probably totally too soon. Check out my website www.datingatmidlife.com and subscribe ... | |
| Just separated after being married 32 years | 11/30/2004 |
| Q: I have found in a long painful process that my husband's business was failing and to keep it going, ... A: Terrible story. And during the holiday season. Very sorry. I'll give you a free phone consult to ... | |
| Divorce: the effect on the children | 11/30/2004 |
| Q: Here in America where divorce rates seem to continually rise, what effect is this having upon the ... A: No one quite knows the answers here. Judith Wallerstein has done the best long term studies of ... | |
| in new york under what ocnditions... | 11/20/2004 |
| Q: in new york under what ocnditions cna a woman collect child support? if she delays applying can ... A: You've asked a legal question and I'm a psychologists and my answers can not be taken ... | |
| feeling controlled and manipulated by daughter and ex | 11/12/2004 |
| Q: How do I set proper boundaries and get some feeling of self-respect when my daughter and ex both ... A: Please accept my apologies for the delayed response. I was away teaching over the weekend. You do ... | |
| desiring divorce(I think) | 11/6/2004 |
| Q: My question was erased a few minutes ago by the magic of my fingers at the computer. I will attempt ... A: It's a therapy issue. It's something you will need to talk over and think your way through. You've ... | |
| I was wondering what some... | 10/31/2004 |
| Q: I was wondering what some of the psychological effects of a difficult divorce are? How does one ... A: Leila, Thanks for writing. You've written a HUGE question. It's probably about everything I've been ... | |
| trying to find a way back | 10/26/2004 |
| Q: how do two people that have broken up after 7 years find a way back into each others hearts? i ... A: It can be done. A lot depends on how the breakup was handled. Very few couples simply break up ... | |
| previously sent question | 10/23/2004 |
| Q: I asked you a question a short time ago and clicked on private question. I'm not sure how that ... A: I can't remember which question was yours and I don't remember how I answered it. It seems like I ... | |
| divorce to stay together | 9/28/2004 |
| Q: my wife and i are 52. due to failing health, she cannot work. we are conscidering divorce so she can ... A: What a poignant story. I hope the Kerry campaign hears about it. In todays economic climate lots of ... | |
| my brother in law is helpless | 9/26/2004 |
| Q: ok my brother in law and his wife have been seperated since april,and she still has her things there ... A: This is a very difficult situation -- I don't have to tell you that -- and it has legal ... | |
| What do I do | 9/25/2004 |
| Q: Hope you can help me with my situation. I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now ... A: I have been working with midlife singles and dating for about ten years now and one of the ... | |
| Divorced Friend | 8/20/2004 |
| Q: I met a man through business contacts back in January. In February he filed for divorce - something ... A: Interesting question. I can give you some rules of thumb. My basic take is that it sounds like you ... | |
| Debt obligations of ex-wife | 8/13/2004 |
| Q: What is the best way to enforce that my exwife pays the van payment? Out of the divorce, I was ... A: Scott. It's a legal question and I can't help you. I'm a shrink. I can commiserate, for what ... | |
| ending it??? | 8/8/2004 |
| Q: 1. on a rebound from a disastrous affair, i start internet chatting witha asian woman. well she is ... A: You've stumbled into a common place for midlife men. The lure of Asian wives seems to speak to a ... | |
| Mexican marriage | 7/21/2004 |
| Q: I was divorced about 4 years ago. My ex wife is receiving spousal support until Decemeber of 2005, ... A: It's a legal question and as a psychologist I have to say that my answer carries absolutely no ... | |
| divorce and children | 7/13/2004 |
| Q: I will try not to make this too long. I am in a loveless marriage. There is no fighting, abuse ... A: Loveless marriages are the result of persistence. It takes a while to squeeze the love out of a ... | |
| My new and real identity | 6/26/2004 |
| Q: My dear frien pedromunoz1111@hotmail.com is closed. From now on this is my new e mail. I did not ... A: I responded through allexperts so I do not know why you did not receive it. CBT is extremely ... | |
| How can I let go? | 6/25/2004 |
| Q: I have been separated from my husband since February. I found out that he has been cheating on me ... A: Perfect name for a person in your situation. Sadness. Thanks for writing. The short answer is ... | |
| new to divorce | 6/24/2004 |
| Q: Why do I feel so guilty about the breakup. I know it was the right decision for my cituation. How ... A: No simply answer here, sorry. I'd need to have a conversation with you and then I might be able to ... | |
| you are good | 6/14/2004 |
| Q: ------------------------- Dear Philipe: You know what disturbes me: *The fact that I like her but ... A: YOU ASKED: Dear Philipe: You know what disturbes me: *The fact that I like her but she did not ... | |
| You're Amazing! | 5/4/2004 |
| Q: the outside guy who also loves me. As mentioned, I gave until July 4 to make a final decision - but ... A: I'm doing this because I want a private practice entirely on the phone. I've picked a specific ... | |
| Help me | 5/3/2004 |
| Q: I thought that all therapist work was confidential? Yes - we are goign through reimbursable ... A: Confidentiality. Your work is confidential within the system. But there is a good chance that your ... | |
| Help me | 5/3/2004 |
| Q: My husband does know about this other man. We have also tried several rounds of therapy (approx. 12 ... A: Sounds like you count a “round” of therapy as one session. Or do you mean to say you've been in ... | |
| Help me | 4/29/2004 |
| Q: I will be starting our second round of counseling with my husband (married since 1985; met 1979 in ... A: First, my apologies. I had answered this the day I got it but apparently it wasn't forwarded to you. ... | |
| Helping a friend through divorce | 4/23/2004 |
| Q: Dr. Belove, Thank you for your response. It definitely gave me a lot to think about. I realize I ... A: Now if you answer this one, do it directly at drbelove@datingatmidlife.com and also let me add you ... | |
| Helping a friend through divorce | 4/23/2004 |
| Q: I have a friend who about four months ago made the decision to divorce his wife. They were married ... A: I have to say that the opening paragraph and the story about the knife gave me a lot to think about. ... | |
| help needed | 4/22/2004 |
| Q: I wanted to tell you that your help was extremely helpful to me.I erased the e mail you gave me the ... A: My private email is drbelove@datingatmidlife.com. You can also visit my website at ... | |
| Should I give up hope? | 4/17/2004 |
| Q: Here goes... My girlfriend of 7 months is married and left me to give her husband a chance again ... A: I regret having to tell you how much of a mess you have on your hands, although your probably ... | |
| help again | 4/14/2004 |
| Q: I forgot another thing: *when I met her second time I adviced her that she could talck to me ... A: This is the last free answer I can give you. If you want to continue, I think we should work ... | |
| help again | 4/13/2004 |
| Q: The problem is that I think thet that woman never ask anything from me, even the fact that she liked ... A: I hope I can answer your questions for you. I'll quote from your letter: dearPhilip: thank you ... | |
| help | 4/12/2004 |
| Q: I am a man living in Venezuela and I have the following problem: Even the fact that I am married I ... A: She is not trustworthy. She sounds a bit desperate but she could be more dangerous. You are ... | |
| Separated? | 4/9/2004 |
| Q: I hope you can help me out. My sister in law (my husbands sister) just told her husband of 11 years ... A: You have your hands full and you ought to insist that he work with a professional. Right now he's ... | |
| Help | 4/9/2004 |
| Q: I am in love with a divorced man - a man I met at my recent high school reunion who has loved me ... A: You are in not position to marry this man and the devastation you will create if you do will make ... | |
| Thank you very much for getting... | 3/21/2004 |
| Q: Your e-mail was very insightful - and helpful. I do have a therapist that I myself go to once a ... A: I don't know of any good books that are directly relevant. If you find any, let me know. There is ... | |
| Father and son.. what's best for my child? | 3/18/2004 |
| Q: Massachusettts law has set a standard for visitations as every other weekend, one night a week ... A: At age two your best bet is to get down on the floor and hang out with him. Some kind of safe ... | |
| broken heart / fear of being alone | 3/6/2004 |
| Q: My divorce will be final in three days. Through the process, I started seeing another person, who ... A: Good for you for reaching out. I don't think there is any psychological pain as bad as the one you ... | |
| What do I need to do so that I can be a functional person again. | 2/22/2004 |
| Q: Belove, I am stuck right now and I can not seem to do anything to move ahead with my life. I have ... A: First, my apologies. I had this letter written last night and couldn't get on to allexperts for some ... | |
| Divorce with children | 2/18/2004 |
| Q: I am only 26 not in my midlife phase yet. I am in the first stages of getting a divorce. I have one ... A: It might be hopeless. It sure sounds very difficult. It's a decision you have to make yourself and ... | |
| Divorce with children | 2/17/2004 |
| Q: I am only 26 not in my midlife phase yet. I am in the first stages of getting a divorce. I have one ... A: my young friend. I really appreciate hearing from you. And I can sort of appreciate the difficulty ... | |
| Divorce issues | 2/16/2004 |
| Q: What major issues need to be settled when a married couple decides to separate? In need to know this ... A: I'm not sure how to answer. I'm a psychologist not a lawyer. Check out www.divorcecentral. com The ... | |
| not sure | 2/13/2004 |
| Q: I have been married for almost 8 years. It has been an emmotional rollercoaster for all of that ... A: You are a brave soul to ask such a profound question. I can probably help you sort all this stuff ... | |
| confusion about finalizing divorce | 1/15/2004 |
| Q: My husband and I have been separated for a year. We were married for 2 years together for 3. We ... A: I can see why you are confused. As I read your letter, it sounds like a lot of what happened got ... | |
Divorce Issues
Answers by Expert:
Philip Belove, Ed.D.
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
Divorce is the beginning of a life review process. For many people, it`is the first intentional decision they make about their lives. The transition into the next stage of life is difficult at first, but it gets easier. The questions I can help you with: What happened? How do I take care of our children? How do I get over my anger? How do I plan a future for myself?
Experience
I am Philip Belove, psychologist and coach. My specialty is helping people do their midlife transformation work, a psychological project that creates a foundation for happy and satisfying second half of life.
Midlife Work, because it involves so much careful attention to inner truth, is notoriously stressful on marriages and on dating relationships.
The challenges of the midlife project are echoed in the typical questions asked me as a dating-at-midlife expert:
?Learning to reconcile what you say with what you do. This challenge is echoed in questions like: Why does he say this when he does that? What is really happening?
?Learning to create your own dreams instead of being the victim of someone else's. This challenged is echoed in questions like these: How do I say that I don't want to xyz? I've been lying about some things and what should I do now?
?Learning to live a life that suits you. This challenge produces questions like Is what I'm doing normal? What if my kids think I'm crazy? How can I say that this is starting to bother me?
A person doing Midlife Transformation Work needs to develop 1) A Working Vision, 2) Skills and Strategies to realize that vision, and 3) External sources of support for the project. My role for people is to be part of the support system. I help people clarify their visions, develop the strategies and skills they need, and I help them review their progress.
Education/Credentials
M.A. Counseling Psychology
Ed.D. Counsulting Psychology (Family Therapy)
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