Domestic Violence - Marriage - People/Relationships

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About Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
(Top Expert on this page)

Expertise
I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself; BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.

Experience
I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.

Organizations
American Psychological Association (APA) International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psycholgy (IACFP) National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology and Human Services with Political Science Minor-Expected: December, 2010

Awards and Honors
Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005 The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003 National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004 Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993 Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference--Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence

Subject	Date Asked	Expert

Decided it's time to leave	7/4/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I have finally decided it's time to leave. I've seen a bankruptcy lawyer but he can only discharge ... A: !! I am so glad to hear from you!!! I have not felt well in the last few days, so I have not been ...
dealing with an abusive ex wife	6/30/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I am two and a half years after divorce. We share custody of a 7yo son (alternate weeks). My ex has ... A: In response to your question, abuse should never be tolerated. Even though you are a man who has ...
my daughter	6/26/2009	Susan Blocker
Q: I have a 21 year old daughter who lives or lived with me until last night.for years she has ... A: I thank you for your inquiry. The article listed below may be of great help to you. Please take in ...
What should I do, any suggestions?	6/22/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I have been in an abusive relationship until about 1 year ago. I was with my ex-husband since I was ... A: I must say that you have my empathy for what you are going through. Before taking drastic measures ...
Do They Ever Change?	6/19/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: What is the success rate of an abusive person getting well and turning their life around? If they ... A: Lynne, You posed a very interesting question and I appreciate you contacting me for ...
Should I divorce?	6/14/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: My husband hits me often but it does not make any bruises. I tried to call police but he always ... A: In response to your question, yes, I do think that you should divorce, for the simple fact that he ...
Abuse	6/9/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: How long will my sister deny to authorities that she is being both physically and verbally abused, ... A: Carol, I do think that your sister needs to deal with this in her own way. Of course, as her ...
charges of assault on a female by my boyfriend	6/8/2009	Laura Giles
Q: I have been in a relationship for 2 years now off and on. I have 3 children that I am raising. My ... A: He ONLY pushed the refrigerator door on you and hit the fridge? ONLY? You both need treatment. You ...
need advice	6/8/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: My husband and I had an argument yesterday. We were both emotional, but about different topics. We ... A: I can only imagine how scary this is for you. You didn't mention how long you had been married, ...
Domestic Violence; Physically Abused	6/6/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I am married since last 3 years. Right from the begining I came to know that my husband has too much ... A: Meghan, If you are being abused, you need to get out of that situation as soon as possible. I ...
Any organizations to help	6/6/2009	Susan Blocker
Q: I am a victim of domestic violence.I dont want to stay with my husband.I have one year old kid,USA ... A: I thank you for your inquiry and I am sorry for your situation. I researched the organizations that ...
Is it me causeing him to be abusive?	6/6/2009	Susan Blocker
Q: I have been married for 7 years now we have 2 kids one mine from a previous relationship and one ... A: I thank you for your inquiry. I want to assure you that you are NOT in any way responsible for your ...
Abusive husband	6/5/2009	Annie Kaszina
Q: Let me begin with the starting it is a long story. I was only 20 whn I got married to this man who ... A: I wonder that you still listen to what 'other people' say. 'Other people' have helped you get ...
Friend's Engagement	6/2/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: I have a girlfriend, age 19, who is engaged to be married this August. They've been dating 8 months. ... A: There are definitely red flags here and at 23, a person should not be sucking their thumb. Denial ...
I'm Being Mentally Abused	5/28/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I've been living with ex husband due to illness for 15 years. He has mentally and physically abused ... A: Lora, First, I want to know why you tolerated this crap for all those years before you were ...
Your book has inspired me	5/28/2009	Dianne Schwartz
Q: For 5 years I was in a violent relationship and reading your book has inspired me to write about ... A: Several things about telling your story: Who is going to be your reading audience? Christian, ...
Abusive Little Brother	5/26/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: WELL TELL YOU THE TRUTH I DONT EVEN NO HOW TO START I HAVE A LITTE BOTHER AGE OF 12 AND MYSLFE AGE ... A: Dora, First I must say that I realize how much you love your little brother by trying to find ...
Degrees of domestic abuse	5/23/2009	Annie Kaszina
Q: I have recently separated from my partner of 7 years. We have a four year old daughter. After a ... A: If I had a dollar for every time an abused woman asks me: "Can my partner change?" I'd be able to ...
Stay or Go?	5/19/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has become so controling and it seems like I am ... A: Lynn, In response to your question, you have pretty much said everything accept those last ...
Recovering from an abusive husband	5/18/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: It has been four years since I left my first husband. He abused me emotionally, and forced me to ... A: Kelly, What you need is positive encouragement and you will get that from me. I commend you on ...
marriage	5/17/2009	Laura Giles
Q: I ve been married for 6yrs and I ve 2 childern. for those 6yrs, i ve never felt like one with my ... A: From the information you provided, there seems to be no good reason to return to your marriage. Why ...
Can I save my marriage after being violent?	5/14/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: Can I save my marriage after being violent? We have been married for 13 years. On three terrible ... A: It sounds as though you are doing a great deal to address the issues and I congratulate you for ...
Should I leave him?	5/11/2009	Laura Giles
Q: Long story. Thank you for taking the time to read this! My boyfriend and I have been together for ... A: Your question is, "Should I leave him?" If the relationship is abusive, unhealthy, and not likely to ...
What Do I Do Please	5/11/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: My husband and I have been together for 16 yrs and have 3 children 16, 15 ,6 I am a reck and feel ... A: Sharon, First off, getting help begins with you, but you have taken the first step by realizing ...
Can a marriage recover after abuse?	5/10/2009	Annie Kaszina
Q: I have been married for 10 years. Last week, during a terrible fight, my husband strangled me. I ... A: That's a difficult question to answer, especially given how little information you provide. From ...
Emotional Abuse	5/7/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: I finally confronted my husband again about his angry tirades. He recently had 2 episodes: one that ... A: Abusive relationships can be very complicated, can't they? I'm sorry to hear of the struggles you ...
Emotional abuse?	5/6/2009	Dianne Schwartz
Q: My ex and I have managed to stay friends for over 14 years after a divorce. He knew that I was ... A: Not really emotional abuse, Kathryn. It seems like he just needs to move on or perhaps, has found ...
Domestic Violence even after divorce	4/27/2009	Annie Kaszina
Q: I have been seperated from my ex for about 2 1/2 years now. There was a long string of domestic ... A: The situation you describe is a very worrying and threatening one indeed. Clearly, the Sheriff ...
Mental Abuse	4/24/2009	Laura Giles
Q: My husband and I have been together for 13 years. we have two children they are 10 and 7. I have ... A: My advice is to speak to your local domestic violence advocate to create a safety plan and a plan of ...
Verbal Abuse	4/23/2009	Dianne Schwartz
Q: What to do? I have been married for 6 years, and I thought as many do I could change my husbands ... A: If your best friend was going through this, what advice would you give her? This man is going to ...
I feel weak	4/19/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: What do I do? I got married about two-and-a-half years ago to a man who is 15 years older than me. ... A: These kinds of relationships are so difficult and I realize in India that extended family has a lot ...
Abusive Marriage	4/17/2009	Laura Giles
Q: I've been married for five years and the entire time I have been a victim of emotional and verbal ... A: My advice is that you leave. The reason is, if he leaves, he will most likely just come and go at ...
Abusive Marriage	4/16/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: I got married in the month of May 2008 to a highly qualified, well employed person who seemed ... A: This must be a very confusing situation for you and I hope that I can clarify some things for you. ...
Do I Have a Disability?	4/14/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: Kriss: I contacted you because of your statement about faith-based decisions. My faith is what kept ... A: I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and hope that you can benefit from the advice you are ...
is it abuse?	4/14/2009	Dianne Schwartz
Q: I have a very confusing situation and I am not sure if it is any kind of abuse. my husband and I ... A: Tamara, I know you're scared (been there) but I also know that temporary fear is better than living ...
is it abuse?	4/13/2009	Dianne Schwartz
Q: I have a very confusing situation and I am not sure if it is any kind of abuse. my husband and I ... A: You need to sit down and seriously consider if you want to spend the rest of your life this way ...
Is this abuse? Or can we work it out?	4/8/2009	Kriss Mitchell
Q: (I am sorry to have taken up so much space here, but I am so confused and worried and wanted to ... A: I am grateful that what I said was a blessing to you. These situations are very difficult, but you ...
Sign of abuse?	4/8/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: I've been very confused and shocked about an incident I've encountered and I just feel hopeless ... A: Jennifer, I do apologize for not getting back with you in a timely manner. Although you may have ...
Is Emotional/Verbal Abuse Enough to Run?	4/8/2009	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Q: My husband has over the last several years begun morphing into a very controlling and emotionally ... A: Sara, I do apologize for taking this long to get back with you. I would still like to advise you ...
He Will Not Forgive	4/7/2009	Laura Giles
Q: My husband and I were having problems. I became friends with a male co-worker, and I confided in ... A: If you want to move forward with your husband, the best thing you can do is to try to understand ...

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Questions by
Active Experts:

Sharman Castillo	Annie Kaszina	Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Kriss Mitchell	Dianne Schwartz	Laura Giles
Susan Blocker

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