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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence > is he abusive?
Expert: Sharman Castillo
Date: 1/29/2008
Subject: is he abusive?
Question
QUESTION: my name is kaylen and im 17 years of age.my boyfriend is 21 and we live together.my boyfriend has always had anger problems.well he likes to yell at me all teh time. and when he gets mad at little things he likes to throw, break and curse at things.well teh other night we had some friends over and he drank a little bit, he wasnt drunk but he was feeling it,i could tell, and he made me mad by pouring my coca cola out and then went in our room and got in the bed and pulled the covers over his head.i came in there and i asked him what his problem was and pulled the covers away from his head so i could see his face. then he got up grabbe both of my arms and threw me against the wall. is he abusing me or what? im very confused because im debating on moving out or not.please answer this as soon as possible.
thanks,
kaylen
ANSWER: Sweety sorry I took so long but I fly alot and cant always get back on time. I just back from Torreon Mexico. Anyhow hon, at 17 you shouldn't be living with a guy at all and also if they hit you once and you stay it is like you have given them permission to hit you again because they are at the point and thought process, well she's not leaving. I encourage you to go, God did not create you to be a punching bag but He created you to be a woman, a helpmate to your man to be cherished and loved as Christ loved the Church and the first step is with a man offering you his last name because you Are worth, never settle my dear. I would love to hear from you real soon, so please write me back.... Sharman
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I see what you mean. but it was his first time and he has never hit a girl before.even his mom told me this.hes trying to do better by going to anger management and by not drinken.i mean yea of course theres always that little chance that he could hit me again but i don't think he would..he hasn't raised his voice to me since that night...or anyone for that matter..but i mean i do love him. people think that I'm to young to know what love is but i do know because I'm in it.im just lost and confused..maybe i just need to get away for a week or two..i don't know..please write back
kaylen
Answer
Well Kaylen, all I can say is that God is a God of second chances so be it far from me to say anyone is not worthy of a second chance. I know that you know what love is, I would never judge your heart because only you know what is in it along with the Lord. I do say that if this is the man you want to be with, then pray and ask God to cover you and to allow you to make it right by marriage so that He will bless it and it will last forever. I would rather you marry this man and make a lifelong commitment. My current husband hit me once in after I hit him in the beginning of our marriage and never hit me again, that was 11 years ago, so I do believe people can change, so I will pray God will open the door for marriage for you, you deserve it, you sound like a sweet soul. Thank you for writing me back and I am always available so keep in touch.
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