AboutSharman Castillo Expertise I can answer questions on mental abuse and physical abuse. I can answer questions on sexual abuse for adult women. I can not answer questions on sexual abuse for children because I have never experienced that personally.
Experience I was in an abusive situation twice. Once for 1-year and 6 months. The other for 2-years and 3 months. I know the cycle of being abused by the abuser and then believeing he will change. Forgiving him or her and then starting over again, with the same abuse.
Expert: Sharman Castillo Date: 1/14/2008 Subject: emotional and mental abuse
Question Hi I'm 20 and have a daughter. I was just wondering if my husband is actually changing and if I really still love him. I've been married with him for 2 years. Before getting married he seemed like a spiritual man and that was what I was looking for in a man. He also seemed nice. We started dating and little by little he was showing some kind of manipulation but I was 18 and I had no experience with that. No one had taught me anything about emotional abuse. I thought only physical abuse existed. Anyway, we got married and it was around 2 days to a week when he started pushing me around. He would tell me horrible things, make me feel that I couldn't do anything. He would grab me in a choke with his arm not his hand. I never thought that was physical abuse because he would never punch me or kick me. When I started fighting back, I accidentally kicked him in the groin area and he would start crying and make me feel bad. It was around 3 months into our marriage when I noticed a bruise on my arm from him holding me up against the wall, one of the many times. That was what told me that it was physical abuse. I told my bishop and he talked with him. I didn't sleep with him that night. I went to one of my friends house. the next day he went to pick me up and he never touched me again up until 4 months ago. But during that period the verbal abuse never stopped. He would always excuse what he would do and say. He would even scream at me in front of our daughter. I would tell him that I was going to leave him and he would act like he was changing but then never would. It's been this cycle over and over so I left him once, he started crying and making himself look like the victim. in 1 week I went back with him. This is the 2 time that I leave him and he talks to me and tries to be nice and he says that he's really changing. He's reading the scriptures and going to a psychologist. In the past I've also given him plenty of chances, he acts nice, looks like he's really changing but once I'm back with him he starts working his way in again, being his old self, like a snake. I just don't know if he's doing the same thing. I never went with my family about this until the first time I left. Right now they're telling me to go back with him and that it's also my fault that our marriage went bad because I would fight back. They make it seem like what he was doing wasn't that bad and now I'm just so confused. I also don't know if I still love him. How can I tell if he's really changing and that I still love him?
Answer Dear Dulce,
Sweety I am so sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I was in Khileen Texas last night and now I am in Washington, Dc. I think that perhaps you should leave and stay gone. I am 38 years old and married for 11 years and pretty happy. I was also married for 2 and a half year before when I was 16 to 19 and my ex husband was very abusive both physical and verbally. But for the sake of my daughter, I did leave and I am so glad. You are 20 dont believe he will change he will not. My ex husband has been remarried and divorced and through countless relationships, why because he still hasn't changed. They dont, some do, but alot dont. Do not listen to your family and I am sorry to say that but it is not your fault that he hits you. I admire when women fight back instead of just standing there, nonetheless a man is always stronger then us but I think you should go and stay gone. It usually gets worst and could cost you your life. Men always cry when we say we are leaving so they can sucker us to come back but when we take a stand and go then they know we mean business. Plus I would not want to be with someone I didnt love and suffer the intimate act of a relationship but when push comes to shove it is up to you. All I know is that God didn't create us to be abused, the Bible says, Men love your wives as Christ loved the church, and Christ never abused his believers, He died and took the abuse for us. So Dulce, I wouldnt go back but I dont have to walk in your shoes hon but I would like to know what choice you have made and hope you will write back. God bless you and take care.
