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About Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Expertise
I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience
I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence > Information
Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Date: 3/2/2008
Subject: Information
Question
Hi Im Marizon and my questions is what is my right if
my mother in law and husband is emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me... i am a Filipina and i was here to marry his son and then i dont know that they live in one house coz my husband says that they lived separate house... and then they transfer and they did not let me know that they lived in one house... what i dont have their in their house is freedom of speech coz everytime that i will ask favor to my husband about the things that i dont like to hear and things that i dont like him to do unto me he will not listen he will yell and get mad and then his mother will also fight with me... and also if i will stay on the bed and never got up his mother will grab and take the blanket and says get up... and she said that i'm only allowed to stay bed if i'm pregnant and sick... and they wont allow me to sleep during daytime.... and then this time our fight again his mother was not there and then my husband was saying that i should call my friend and get me out in their house and leave them and never come backkk and well i leave the house coz everytime we got fight he always kick me out the house!!! saying the door is open for you to leave so that time i was so insult and down already so i called up one of my friends and well that night i did received lots of emails and offlines messages from his mother accusing me and saying bad words to me... where its not good coz being a mother she should be in the center and asked first what happened but she did is attacking me and i cannot take it anymore... i can forward all the message she said if u want... so what i am thinking now is maybe i will leave them and never come back coz they also not file to chnage my status as a permanent resident here in US so i'm still alien on here... and i decided to come back home to Philippines to prove them that i did not used them in coming on here as what they accused and said to me... So if they will divorce me, do i have to deport from immigration? Who will pay for my fare in going bcak? are they still responsible to me as they are my petitioners? Please help me clear this things out coz im confusing now and dont have anything to do as this is not my country i mean i'm alien on here... Thanks and more power!!
Answer
Marizon,
Hello there and thank you so much for contacting me; I apologize for the delay in my response. I do respect the fact that you have values as a person and as a woman, but if you have searched within your heart and found that the best decision for you is to leave your husband and make a better life for yourself, then that is the road that you need to take. Although I have learned that many people of different backgrounds have different views culturally as far as family and marriage, I will never adamantly recommend that someone stay in an abusive situation because it can turn dangerous and deadly. I have faced abuse throughout my life and I have overcome that kind of adversity, which is also what you must do as well. I cannot make decisions for you, but what I will say is that you deserve better, and the only way that your life will improve is if you allow it to. You must remain positive and have as much hope for yourself as you can.
As far as the immigration issues go, you can go to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services' website: http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis, and you should be able to find out more information there; I do not specialize in immigration issues. I wish you the best of luck and I know that you will make the right decision concerning your future. Take care.
All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
"Strong people cannot be defeated."
-Danielle Steel
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