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About Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Expertise
I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience
I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence > Reporting Abuse to Police
Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Date: 3/24/2008
Subject: Reporting Abuse to Police
Question
I have read that pushing and pulling grabbing by the hand is abusive behavior. If my spouse has pushed me or grabbed me by my hands to force me to do something, is this enough to call police. If I do what will happen. He has hit me in the past but recently (since I threatened to call the cops if he ever hit me again) he just tries to push and pull or grab me and as soon as I say "stop, don't get near me" he stops but then insist when I don't do as he says. I am also afraid of calling the cops because when we are not arguing we've discussed me calling the cops on him and he's threaten to hit himself to get a bloody nose so that I'm the one who ends up in jail not him. Apparently a friend of his told him this story about a guy who did that and the lady ended up in jail not the guy.
Answer
Maria,
Hello and thank you for taking the time to contact me with your concerns. Listen, don't you think that you deserve better than this? If it's one thing that I have learned, it's that the first time a man puts his hands on you, you leave then, because trust me it will get much worse later. If you are seeing that your husband is continuing with his behavior and with his negative treatment of you, why do you continue to stay? What is the alternative? Even if you do call the cops, do your really want to get involved in a legal situation like that? If the police come and both of you show signs of abusing the other, both of you are more than likely going to jail. I do not know whether or not you have been to jail, but it is no place that you want to be, not even for two minutes or two seconds for that matter.
If I were you, I would take some real time to consider the consequences if you plan on staying with an abuser, none of them can be positive. My ex-boyfriend almost killed me, so I take nothing for granted now. I have learned so many lessons in life, and one of the best ones is that you should never settle for less than you deserve. You may not agree with me, but I do because I love myself too much to be mistreated. Please give some real consideration to what I have said. I wish you the best. Take care.
All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
"Strong people cannot be defeated."
-Danielle Steel
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