AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Question Hi there. I've been married almost 5 years and have a 2 year old son. My husband is an attorney and a very conservative man. I'm confused about things that's happening in my home and I need answers very urgently. In the 7 years that I have known my husband he has pushed me around a couple of times and dragged me by my shirts collar through the house with my baby on his hip. Baby was laughing cause he thought daddy was playing with mommy. I left all of this because I thought it was my fault...I made him angry and it didn't happen that often. Maybe once every 3 months. When he fights he fights ugly. He always breaks things and punches things. He even broke our TV remote, punched a dent in my car and broke my hairdryer (the last two happened in the last month) He always says nasty things, like once he told me I'm a bad mother, he told me I'm scr**ing my boss, he has said the most hurtful things and I never know how to take this. I always think to myself people say nasty things when they're angry...but why don't I do the same. I've started doing the same to him when I'm angry. I try and say things that will hurt him so that he can see what he's doing to me. This just makes everything worse. Sometimes he makes me so angry that I will throw something at him (a pillow or something that won't hurt him) and then he'll start pushing or throwing me around. I know this is my fault because I started this and I'm so ashamed at myself. I'm not this type of person. This morning he woke me up to fight with me at 4:00. He started saying nasty things about our marriage being over and things about my boss and that I don't want a husband......etc. He said something that really made me angry so I got up off the bed and he pushed me down, he was holding me down with his body and took my hands and started hitting himself with my hands (holding them in fists with his). He hurt my wrists really bad (no scars but it's very painful). After about an hours fight he started crying and telling me that he hates himself and that he will make up for this and that things will be fine. He promised. The problem is that he always says this. My husband has a very high sex drive. He wants sex at least once to two times a day. I on the other hand don't have a high sex drive end if I dare to say "no I'm tired" he starts fighting and it ends up a mess. I've started having sex with my husband even when I don't want to....just to save the peace. I've never had a visible bruise on my body. Does this mean that it is not physical abuse? I don't want this to be abuse, I want you to tell me that all people fight and that this is fine.
Answer Lindy-Ann,
Hello again. I am currently taking some personal time away from AllExperts and I do apologize for the inconvenience of my not getting back to you. I read your question to me, and I think that you have put up with enough. In the simplest words, you need to leave and move on with your life. Your husband is abusing you and your are continuing to tolerate it. You have child for God's sake and your son should be your first priority. You should not be having sex against your will, and I am not sure, but he may be able to be prosecuted for that. Couples are not immune from fighting, but when the fighting becomes abusive in any way, it is time to re-evaluate the relationship. I suggest that you figure out what your priorities are at this point and decide what is best for you and your son. I wish you all the best. Please take care.
All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
"Strong people cannot be defeated."
~Danielle Steel
