AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas Date: 3/19/2008 Subject: I'm Researching Woman Abuse and Had a Question
Question what would you say is the best solution to women abuse and what are the signs of women abuse? How can a friend help a friend being abused by her boyfriend?
Answer Jessica,
Thanks again for contacting me regarding your concerns.
The best solution to domestic violence involving women as the victims in my opinion, is to leave. I say that because it is often too dangerous to stay. Even though there are some couples who go to counseling and work out their differences, I would not want to be with someone who had abused me and then I would not know whether or not he would ever do it again. Women need to take the necessary steps in order to love and value themselves more, and then maybe they would be more prone to getting involved in safer and more stable relationships. For me, the best decision at the time was to leave. I saw that my ex was never going to change his behavior or his life. He would not get a job when many were offered to him; he was practically homeless with no education and with kids that he could not take care of. Even though after every time that he abused me he promised to not do it again, it continued to happen. My breaking point came when he beat me in the head so bad that I lost consciousness, and after I came to, that was it for me. I took a stand to make my life better and to find ways that I could begin loving myself instead of making all the wrong decisions that had caused me so much pain. Every relationship and every situation is different, but there is no way that I would ever risk my life again just to maintain a broken relationship that could not be repaired.
Some of the signs of domestic violence include pushing, kicking, hitting, spitting on, choking, grabbing, pinching and even threatening to attack the person with a weapon. Some of the warning signs include verbal and emotional abuse. Many times domestic violence begins with verbal abuse and various other behaviors, but many people miss those signs and then the abuse continues to grow and grow and grow until there is full-on beating.
A friend can help a friend who is being abused by continuing to be there for that person. We cannot tell adults how they should run their lives. If the victim chooses to continue to stay with the abuser, then that is the choice that they have made, and a friend would have to respect that, even if they keep pressuring the victim to get out of the relationship. If the victim ever decides to leave, then that is a decision that only he/she can make. We cannot conduct people's lives for them. That is why it is called adulthood; we learn to make our own life decisions and if they are the wrong ones, we have to face the consequences of them, plain and simple.
I hope that I provided helpful information for you. Many of my opinions and views on domestic violence come from the abusive situations that I have been in. Every woman who experiences abuse does not leave their abuser and many of the victims end up in prison or dead. The decisions that I have made in my relationships are not the decisions that every other women would make. Sometimes relationship counseling/therapy helps couples who have abuse within their relationship, but I never even considered that when I was being abused because I knew in my heart that I did not want to be in a relationship with anyone who was or who had abused me. Luckily, I have moved on and I am content with the progress that I have made. I love and respect myself so much more now, but that does not mean that I will never get hurt again. It just means that I am standing for something, because If I don't, then I will fall for anything.
Best of luck in your research. Take care.
Regards,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
"Strong people cannot be defeated."
-Danielle Steel
