AboutLaura Giles Expertise I can answer questions related to filing charges, support groups, leaving, safety planning, getting a protective order, getting counseling, or staying.
Experience I worked as a domestic violence advocate in the court system. I am also a counselor.
Education/Credentials B.S. Human Services Counseling
Master of Social Work
Expert: Laura Giles Date: 4/5/2008 Subject: Thinking about the future.
Question QUESTION: My fiance and i just had our 3 issue with domestic violence. This time it ended up with him getting arrest and dcf getting involved with our son. This first time was 2 years ago and the 2nd he didn't actually lay a hand on me. The third time was the worse issue. He is bipolar and non medicated, he also had a drug problem. He is working on getting medicated and has quit doing drugs and is going to seek anger management counseling among other forms to help him change and end his behavior. Like i said before dcf is involved and has told me that if i ever go back to him they will take the child away. I know it will take a lot of time for him to get the help he needs and prove that he will continue doing so. My question is that if he does get the help becomes medicated and shows in no way any abuse or that he may even abuse again, can dcf still come and remove our child from us if he is in fact a better person, and the abuse was a trigger from his bipolar illness?
ANSWER: Hi EG,
Given the facts of your situation, I am really surprised that you are asking me whether or not your child can be taken away. You should be in league with DCF to protect him! I am afraid that you aren't seeing the seriousness of your situation. Children are not taken away from parents for no good reason. I don't think you understand how overwhelmed the system is. There are few places to put children. They don't just take them to "teach you a lesson." There are some children I wish they would take! But they only remove children if the case is absolutely dire. So, I think your situation must be unsafe for the child, and therefore unsafe for you.
My advice for you is to go to the nearest domestic violence advocate and find out what your legal options are, your shelter options, and make a safety plan for what to do if things go horribly wrong. I pray that you never need the information, but it's better to have it and never need it than to not know what you should do in the event of another attack.
After that, I would find a group in your area for loved one of the mentally ill. It will help you to understand his illness and learn how you can best support him should he decide to get treatment for his illness and is safe to be around.
But you didn't ask me about that. You asked me if DCF can take your child. Yes, they can and will if they feel that you are endangering him. Bipolar disorder does not make people violent. The domestic violence is not a result of his unmedicated illness.
Best of luck to you,
Laura Giles, MSW
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QUESTION: Maybe i didn't explain well enough. We are not together currently, i even have an injunction against him. I don't want my child to get harmed. I understand thats what dcf is trying to prevent. My fiance is young and we all make mistakes at a young age and he cam from an abusive family which probably in tale a bit about why this happen so he need counseling i know. I'm saying if in the future be it a year or more and dcf has found him able to have visitation of the child, if me and him decide then after the infestation is over and he has gotten the help and continues to try to be in a relationship again if they then since the abuse has ended take the child away? After the deemed him able to see the child. I'm not talking about now this moment I'm talking about the future be it years down the road.
Answer Oh! Okay. Gotcha. Thank you for the clarification.
Yes, DCF has the power to lift any conditions that they impose and it's not unusual for this to be done. If at some point in the future you feel that things have changed and have some professional validation of this, I think it would be perfectly fine to ask for them to change this order. The child should know his father if it is safe to do so.
