AboutSharman Castillo Expertise I can answer questions on mental abuse and physical abuse. I can answer questions on sexual abuse for adult women. I can not answer questions on sexual abuse for children because I have never experienced that personally.
Experience I was in an abusive situation twice. Once for 1-year and 6 months. The other for 2-years and 3 months. I know the cycle of being abused by the abuser and then believeing he will change. Forgiving him or her and then starting over again, with the same abuse.
Expert: Sharman Castillo Date: 5/2/2008 Subject: Am I missing something?
Question QUESTION: hi,
within the last hour my husband called me lazy about 3 times because i wasn't helping him move a tiny table across the room. he continually calls me a bitch or claims that i am being bitchy or nagging. yesterday he had a mini knife that he threatened to use if i didn't shut up and listen to him go over the bills. i have a one year old whom we both dearly love but i can't take this any more. i want to leave him but i don't want to wreck a family. i know that the comments and the disrespect are getting past my approval line and i am not sure what to do. i don't want to go through a divorce but i am not willing to put up with this any more. any thoughts?
ANSWER: Dear Janet,
Thank you for writing to me it means a lot. First I want you to know that God hates divorce and we promised to stick together for better or worst, with that said, God also loves us and doesn't treat us with disrespect or abuse, vengeance is mine saith the Lord and He will take care of it for you, please pray for your spouse but in no way, stay with someone like that. That is your life he threatened with if knife, even if he only did it to scare you into paying attention, what happens if you really make him mad, will he stab you and say it is your fault? I hope not, you are not the things he called you and the only reason why he continues is because you are still there, if you left him perhaps he would realize that you are serious, you are not the one breaking the family up, it is him, how can you hurt the one you love if you really do, you don't, because you want to cherish and love and keep them around. I do tell women at times to go, but that is for their safety. I hope that you can get the courage to go. I am not treated as you are by my husband and many of us women are not, you deserve more and so does the baby, if it is a girl, she could grow up thinking it is normal for men to treat women like dirt or for men to verbally or physically abuse us. If your child is a boy he might grow up thinking it is ok to treat women the way his father did, so you see there is more at stake then just you. Your child is the future. I hope I have helped somewhat and I hope everything works our for you, please tell me what happens, God bless you. Sharman
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QUESTION: Wow... just leave him? No therapy or anything.
I am pretty confused now. I don't think I will up and leave him although I am tempted to many times but I am married for eternity and may consider therapy of some sort.
Answer I didn't say divorce him, I said to leave for your safety and your babies. I believe if you can get to a therapist then go, but you cant make someone else go if they don't want to go. If you want to then go. I believe in going to see your local pastor to talk it over with you and the spouse present. Like I said, he threatened you with a knife, I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that, but it is totally up to you. Like I told you, I love the Lord and He hates divorce but He doesn't want you to stay in an abusive relationship. If you want to stay with your spouse even though he treats you badly then that is up to you but I have to much living to do and I want to be happy and I want my girls happy. Sure go to therapy but I think you should get on your knees and ask the Lord to save you marriage and to give your spouse a heart after Gods own. I hope you were not offended but I do and will always tell women to seek safety..... Sharman
