AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Question married for 12 yrs, a christian, my husband adopted my 7 yr old son at the time. verbal and physical abuse towards my son until he ran away at 18 due to feeling `controlled`
my husband has hit me, left me, trashed the house, the hitting and leaving being many times.
Now after a year, he has mellowed..but i hate him..can i leave him or should i do whay some are saying which is counselling. I `ran off` to me mums in florida with the intention of getting divorced due to falling in love with someone i had not seen, just emailed and telephone chats.
we finaly met and he is good potential for me and my kids, but i am concious this could be a reactionary thing for me.
i want to leave but fear going it alone.
with 3 kids. even harder now cos my husband is also reacting by being overhelpful, repentent, saying its all his fault, but i don`t trust him and even if he did go for therapy and counselling i don`t fancy him nor love him.what should i do. do i `forgive again` make him go for anger management. i also feel he controls me somewhat.
i am struggleing to get it in perspective cos, i know he `tries` sometimes to be nice but its like he can`t maybe due to stress or whatever, i see he can be caring to a point when he is not stressed. feel like i am making excuses for his behaviour.
as a christian i have always wanted to `do the right thing`
resent what he has done to my son as i tried to stop his behaviour in the past but he didn`t listen to me.
it seems to have taken this new `love in my life` to realise what i have put up with......now what do i do
Answer Julie,
Hello and thank you for choosing me to help you with your concerns. First of all Julie, with what you are going through, having fallen in love with someone else and contemplating whether or not to leave your husband, it may be best to go with your heart on this one. In all actuality, if you have feelings for someone else and it has turned into love, then staying with your husband would not be fair to him or to your new love. Your husband abused you and now he wants to make amends, but can you accept that from him? Some couples go through trying times like domestic abuse, drug addiction, extramarital affairs, etc, and they are able to overcome them, but not all relationships have the strength and longevity that others may have.
If I were you, I would search deep within my heart to figure out who I really wanted to be with. It's a positive step that your husband acknowledges his behavior, but yet you have found love with someone else. Does your husband know of your new love? I truly believe in families staying together, but only when the relationships are healthy and positive. More than likely, you will probably end up leaving your husband because he has hurt you too many times and you know deep within your heart that you deserve better and that you can do better. You should find it in your heart to forgive him some day if you have not already, but that does not mean that you have to continue a marriage with him. I would be skeptical of whether or not his past abusive behavior would occur again some day, that is also something to think about while you decide what to do. I cannot tell you what exactly to do Julie, I can only advise you on what I think may be best for you. But there are other things to consider like your children and your true feelings for your husband. If you are no longer in love with your husband and your heart belongs to this new man, then I think you already know what needs to be done. I truly wish you the best in your endeavors. Take care.
All My Very Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
