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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence > Red Flags
Expert: Sharman Castillo
Date: 7/23/2008
Subject: Red Flags
Question
I recently ended a relationship that lasted only about eight or nine months. While, I still feel myself being manipulated and continue to fend off his attempts to draw me back in, I'm grateful I had the sense to get out when I did. In retrospect, there were many red flags that went by completely unnoticed by me. (It's often difficult to see things clearly while you're trying to wipe the stars from your eyes.)
My question(s) is this:
What are the earliest red flag signs a person should look out for that indicate someone has the potential to be verbally, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically abusive? And upon recognizing these signs, what advise would you give a person continuing this relationship in its earliest stages?
Answer
Dear Kaye,
First of all please forgive me for taking such a long time to get back to you, I travel a lot and of course I was off on the 23rd, I was still very tired but please once again forgive me.
Well the first signs to me are when they start wanting to have all of your time because they love you so much, or when they subtly correct everything you do or don't want to let you go places by yourself or don't understand why you may have a male friend even though it is innocent or you knew that person long before them.
If a person hits you early on and then is shocked they hit you because they have never done that before or claims the only reason why they did is because they love you so much and they wanted to gain your attention or you caused them to or something,, that is why.
I am very glad you got yourself out and hope you will stay out your life could depend on... God Bless you and stay out of the relationship... Sharman
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