AboutSharman Castillo Expertise I can answer questions on mental abuse and physical abuse. I can answer questions on sexual abuse for adult women. I can not answer questions on sexual abuse for children because I have never experienced that personally.
Experience I was in an abusive situation twice. Once for 1-year and 6 months. The other for 2-years and 3 months. I know the cycle of being abused by the abuser and then believeing he will change. Forgiving him or her and then starting over again, with the same abuse.
Expert: Sharman Castillo Date: 7/30/2008 Subject: why do I still love my abuser of 20 years?
Question I was married for almost 20 years and throughout the marriage there was yelling, pushing, spitting,kicking, walking me into walls, grabbing my face ect... plus cheating on me with a co-worker while I was pregnant with our second child.
I had the courage to leave and have been divorced for 2 years. He has begged, pleaded, cried, repeatedly and wants to come home and prove he has CHANGED. I have been dating someone for one year now. This man is kind, honest and loving. I can not give him the affection he craves and am cold at times. I have mood swings and anger. It is my first relationship and is so hard for us. He tells me that he does not know how much more he can take.
The crazy thing is that I still have feelings for my ex and fantasize about how is could have been. I cry when songs come on the radio and and I think about what could have been.
He still tells me he loves me and I am feeling confused. My children adore him and I want that healthy family I never had. Do you think this could ever be possible?
Answer Dear Chere,
It is not weird to have feelings for your ex, my goodness it was 20 years you invested but I think you should leave a good thing alone. If you went back it would probably be good for a little while but after a while it probably would get even worst because you had the nerve to leave in the first place. Praise God you are alive and made it through and you are a good woman to have stayed that long but now that God has believer you from a bad place, stay in the safe place.
I know that it is hard to start a new relationship because of what you are use to, it is hard to let your guard down, all I ask is that you pray and ask God to help you and forgive your ex everything that he ever did to you so that he doesn't have that power over you, and give the other person the opportunity.
Of course men or even women tell the ones they abused that they love them now that they are gone but the important thing was to show that love to the person who trusted them most when they were there, he may not know what love is because true love doesn't hurt, God never gave men the right to hurt us women, He told men to love their wives and Christ loved the church. I don't want to say the wrong thing, even God gives us a second chance, I personally would thank Him for the new peace and move on but I don't know if you give this man the benefit of the doubt he might actually hurt and kill you, I think you should really pray and I will pray for you as well.... God bless you Chere and take care, if the other guy is really nice give him and chance and stop being mean and allow yourself to be loved and you love in return,, you deserve it.... Sharman
