AboutLaura Giles Expertise I can answer questions related to filing charges, support groups, leaving, safety planning, getting a protective order, getting counseling, or staying.
Experience I worked as a domestic violence advocate in the court system. I am also a counselor.
Education/Credentials B.S. Human Services Counseling
Master of Social Work
Question Laura,
Yesterday you answered a question for me about domestic violence in my family with my sons. My 13 year old had stated that he smoked marajuana because it kept him from blowing his brains out. I did discuss this further with him and he said that he really didnot want to do that but that the stress from all of the family tearing each other apart was unbearable.
My ex has not been involved with my sons at all. He has abandoned them.he will maybe call but rarely does he come to visit. if he does it is for a total of 1 1/2 hours..my boys are so messed up..I dont even know them anymore. They are starting to disrespect me now..calling me crazy, a horror, a slut, telling me to shut up .just like myex used to. We used to be so close. Then all of the sudden the anger turned towards me. I filed for an IEP for my 15 year old because he was not going to school at al. Now this is behavior that is unheard of just 6 months ago. Now I am the target for all of them..it is severe. I have lost a half a head of hair and 20 lbs in 5 months. I have been going to a therapist ..do I need any kind of abuse counsling...this whole marrige has really affected me..and I did everything in our home. My ex adimited that he sat back and waited for me to go into exshaustion, that way I would completely colapse..then he would pick up the pieces, while I was getting help..but he said he knew I would always pick myself up again. I literally believed I was the one that was insane..until I came across the website.youarenotcrazy.com the allies section is even true for me..sometimes my kids love and side with me.other times with their dad..even though they claim that they see the abuse and have had for years..they do nothing. I was not sure whether to file a domestic violence charge against my husband since I do not have a lawyer.
Things I am doing to get help: substance abuse counsleing for boys.
Iep program, assessment. hoping that he might get more interest in his sports again...he was an allstar baseball player al his life now he is a thug..I hate to say. It is so heart breaking.
The worst part is that now the boys are starting to abuse me. Telling me to shut up..calling me crazy..creating such havoac in the home that i could not work.I work in a hospital so it is very important that I have focus so that I do not make a serious life threatning mistake. They do not listen to me at all. they do not help around the house, rarely they steal money from me for weed. I just do not know what to do...any suggestions?
Thank you
Robin
Answer Dear Robin,
If you like your therapist and think that he/she is helping, I would ask that person to review your treatment plan so that your focus of treatment is on the domestic violence (DV). DV treatment focuses on empowerment, which helps you to feel stronger and more confident so that you can take care of your life. The only other thing that might be more important than that right now is if you have a substance abuse issue. Anything else cannot be effective unless/until the DV issues are resolved.
If your counselor is not trained in this area, find someone who is. Groups are EXCELLENT for this because they are really effective in helping you to feel that you are not alone and you can do this.
