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About Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Expertise
I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself; BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.

Experience
I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.

Organizations
American Psychological Association—APA; American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS; House Rabbit Society—HRS; International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP; National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV; North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010

Awards and Honors
Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005; The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003; National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004; Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993; Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Domestic Violence > Physically abusive sibling who's out of control

Domestic Violence - Physically abusive sibling who's out of control

Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas - 11/6/2009

Question
My brother for the past 5 years since released from prison has been hitting me and disrespecting
me, now it's gotten to the point where if I don't agree with what
he says he puts his hands on me I have kids and now they are aware of thins too and are scared for me as well
my brother is very vendictive and I've seen him do horrible thing to other people I truly believe if I don't relocate he's gonna hurt me more seriously he's already hit my hands with a hammer threatened to beat me to death and he blames me for possibly sending him back to jail for killing me! What do I do and he tries to keep e every one away from me it's bad and I really hate my life but he comes by everyday to harass me or degrade me and I wanted to get a restraining order but that paper cant stop a bullet, I know now he can't be saved cause he says he likes the way he is cause he gets what he wants and he also abuses his wife and she asks me not to leave her stuck with him but I can't live in fear WHAT DO I DO??????

Answer
Hi Monica,

Tolerating abuse from anyone is, just in plain words: "not cool." Your brother is abusing you and I can only wonder why he is still around you. I would get the restraining order and be sure to document his behavior and call the police when he approaches you. Why are you allowing him to still be in your life? It is obvious that he needs help and you are not the one who can give it to him. Sometimes, we have to cut people out of our lives no matter how long we have known them or what the relationship involves. I would not be going through this because I would have had his behind put in jail and he would no longer be in my life. I wish that more people had a zero tolerance policy like I tend to have. When someone mistreats or disrespects me in any way, they are cut out of my life and I do not look back. It may hurt to let go of someone that we love and/or care about, but in the long run you will be grateful for your decision. We only have a short time to be here, so why waste time with ignorant people who treat us like garbage? Please move on and even though he is your brother, I would end the relationship and end all communication, but that is only what I would do; you may not agree, but I will be damned if I let another person mistreat and abuse me. I have come too far to go back to a life of unnecessary foolishness. Abuse should never be tolerated in ANY form, period.

I wish you well in everything.

All My Very Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
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