Expert: Laura Giles - 4/17/2009

Question
I've been married for five years and the entire time I have been a victim of emotional and verbal abuse. I have gotten to a point where I cannot go on living like this anymore. We have a son and a house together but I'm not sure what the best way for me to leave is. Should I leave or should I make him leave? I would rather him leave but how can I do that if he refuses to leave our home? My son and I cannot continue this type of life. My husband will not contain himself from deeply offending me in the presence of our 4 year old son. Please give me some guidence. I do not want to be with him anymore. The love is gone and I feel nothing but hate for him at this point.
Thank you.

Answer
Hello,

My advice is that you leave. The reason is, if he leaves, he will most likely just come and go at your house whenever he feels like it. He has the key. He has a psychological feeling that it is "home." His name is on the lease or deed, so if he does come and go, it's not trespassing and there is nothing you can do about it. You leaving will cost more and be less comfortable, but it gives you more control. If he gets abusive and you want him to leave, he can't just come in. He can't legally break in. There is no way for him to legally get a key. You having your own place gives you more control over your future. That is the option I would advise.

Good luck,

Laura Giles, LCSW