AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
Question My husband has over the last several years begun morphing into a very controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive man. I was not willing to see this for quite some time, but looking back, it's been going on for years now.
I am a stay at home mom mostly, working a part-time weekend job to make cash for myself. I am not entitled to any of the money in our joint account in his point of view and anytime I spend outside of gas and groceries, I get yelled at and accused of spending money "all day long." It's really quite irrational and somewhat scary. He rarely speaks to me but when he does it's only to yell at me for being a selfish b**** or for brainwashing our two children.
I fear that as the "attacks" have gained in frequency and intensity lately that it could escalate. I fear leaving my children home alone with him because I worry that he will take them. I feel very alone. My family lives states away. I have very little to no money. All property is in his name..the house, the vehicles, etc.
So, my question is: Is the emotional and verbal abuse enough to justify running? I don't want to be accused of kidnapping. I have no documentation of the abuse because it hasn't become physical..yet. After the most recent "attack" I was left shaking and terrified. He tells me to move out all the time but that I have to leave the kids. He's obviously playing serious mind games. I would NEVER leave them in his care. And so I feel very trapped.
Would calling a shelter or some other abuse service be warranted here? I really don't desire to wait until it becomes physical!! But I'm just not sure what to do!
Thank you for your time.
Answer Sara,
I do apologize for taking this long to get back with you. I would still like to advise you on your concerns. After reviewing your situation, clearly I hope that you have found some resolution to this problem by leaving. Any kind of abuse is never okay. If your husband was verbally abusing, you, that should have been your first instance to leave. A lot of the time, verbal abuse can be a precursor to actual physical abuse, but not always. After being in an abusive situation many years ago and gaining the strength to leave, I now look out for many warning signs, and if a man even yells at me, I am out the door because I always think it is only a matter of time before he hits me. So, even though I have taken a while to respond to you, I hope that you have left this situation. You do not deserve to be treated that way, and I do not understand why you would allow anyone to treat you in that manner. I say it time and time again, people only do what you allow them to do, and if someone knows that you will allow them to abuse you, then they will take full advantage of that, unfortunately.
To answer your question directly, yes verbal and emotional abuse is enough reason to leave any relationship. As long as you continue to stay, if in fact you are still with him, the more and more he realizes that mistreating you is okay. I hope that I have helped you in some manner with your issues. I apologize again for taking so long to get back with you. I wish you well.
Warmest Regards,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
