AboutDianne Schwartz Expertise Relationship, self-love, domestic violence, personal and spiritual growth, self-examination to define the reasons we have pulled unhealthy people into our lives and how to end this destructive practice.
Experience Author of, "Whose Face is in the Mirror?" One woman's journey through the nightmare of domestic violence to true healing. Website for battered women and non-profit organization that assists victims of abuse.
Organizations Domestic violence director of The Peace at Home Program. Court approved trainer and speaker on domestic abuse.
Publications This book was reviewed by The Library Journal
Awards and Honors Book was chosen as Hay House Publishing "Book of the Year."
Question My ex and I have managed to stay friends for over 14 years after a divorce. He knew that I was struggling, and knew that I was trying hard to do what I could to make money to pay my own way. He was even helping out sometimes with rent if I didn't have it, and sometimes even food. He did not complain and even seemed to like helping. A couple of weeks ago I had to borrow money from him to keep my internet service on, crucial to finding a job, and he knows this. His response shocked me. Was a complete personality change. He said that I'd better find something soon because he was tired of "handing out money all of the time". He did lend me the money, reluctantly, and it has since been paid back. Now he is ignoring me. Not calling anymore or coming over, treating me like I do not exist. He is making it clear that we are no longer friends, and I do not understand why. Is this emotional abuse?
Answer Not really emotional abuse, Kathryn. It seems like he just needs to move on or perhaps, has found someone else. Maybe he's dating someone who gets jealous if he helps you. Just guessing here.
He might think it's time to cut all ties (unless you have children together and then, that's a no-no) and start a new life that doesn't include you.
If I were you, which I'm not, I wouldn't rely on him for anything anymore but try to make it without his help and I certainly wouldn't contact him. Let the ball be in his court and even then, I'd pull away because it seems unfair for him to treat you this way. At least, give you an excuse or something!
When we continue to ask our ex's for help, it puts them in a position of control and that's not good for us. We need to take charge of our lives and learn to live without any assistance from them. It makes us stronger in the end.
I hope this helps. I'm using my past experience to help you and I wish you the best and hope you can be a strong and powerful woman in your own right. God's Speed!
