AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
Question My husband and I have been together for 16 yrs and have 3 children 16, 15 ,6 I am a reck and feel lost, I have spoken to my doctor and belives a refuge is now needed as he is getting so violent with me , this has been an ABUSIVE relationship right from the start but never new until I found a web site that I ticked all the boxes in it , He controls all the money even trys to control my 16 yr olds pays too , he has made me sell all my larger things like car ect and taken the money so now I have no transport unless I get his permission to use his car , He does all the shopping even my personal things ,He pays all the bills but found this morning that I have a large debt owing as he has not been paying mine as he has said he was ,He quote to us all that he owns everything and demands respect for it , my children all want to leave but I dont think they really understand what is involved , Please I am No longer safe or happy here but feel I can't leave with no assistance ,money ,no family close , no furniture or transport I am so scared what do I do as the doctor has said and head to a refuge or do we stay and try and convince him to get help all I do is cry these days and he still puts himself first at ALL times , Please help me What do I do and where can I even start getting help PLEASE....
Answer Sharon,
First off, getting help begins with you, but you have taken the first step by realizing that this is an unhealthy relationship that you do not need to be in. Why are you still married to this idiot? You have children who need positive role models and you and your husband are not doing a good job of that right now. Children look to their parents as their first example of who to model themselves after. By staying, you are letting your children know that it is okay to be abused and mistreated, but yet, it's not, it never is. You need to leave and I am sure that you know that by now. I cannot believe that you have stayed this long. Why? Your husband is abusive, selfish, and doesn't seem to care about you or your children. If I were you, I would have left a long time ago. I have been there, and situations like this never end well if you continue to stay. He is telling you everything that you need to know by the way that he acts, so you need to be taking active steps to find somewhere else to go, even if you have to stay with family members or in a shelter.
Many women have been in your situation, in that they are dependent on their husbands, so they feel that they are trapped and cannot leave. That's a lie, people cannot make you do or feel anything, that begins with you. My advice to you would be to find another place that you can stay temporarily while you sort through things. I do not think that you and your children should continue to stay in this abusive and unhealthy environment. If you want to end your marriage, then the next step would be to file for divorce and let the chips fall where they may. I wish you well in everything.
Warmest Regards,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
