AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
Question It has been four years since I left my first husband. He abused me emotionally, and forced me to have sex with our dog. I have gone through counseling ever since and have been on anti-depressants. I have been able to love and trust someone again and he has supported me through all the panic attacks and the emotions I have been dealing with. Now that I feel I have conquered so many things I have been working on putting more pieces of my life back together. I am trying to go to school, get a new car, and/or buy a house. The problem is my credit has been wrecked by my husband, holding me back from all of these things. I am feeling so overwhelmed and stuck. I don't know where to go from here and need help! I want to KEEP moving forward.
Answer Kelly,
What you need is positive encouragement and you will get that from me. I commend you on having the strength and courage to leave your husband and on getting help and putting your life back together. You are definitely on the right track and I really hope that you continue to do well. As far as your credit goes, it takes some people years to get their credit straightened out once someone else has ruined it. I am not a credit specialist, but try to go to SuzeOrman.com to see if her website can provide you with some financial resources that may help you with your credit and financial concerns. You can still get a car and a home with poor credit, the interest rate may be higher, but it can be done. I do not know if you are in the market for anything brand new as far as a car goes, or used, but please only buy what you can afford. Too many people are in a financial mess because they made a bad decision in that they purchased cars and homes that they could not afford and ended up having them repossessed or foreclosed, which also goes on your credit report and can ruin it. In my firm opinion, and I was just discussing this with a friend, no one should take out a loan unless it is for their education. Getting loans for homes and cars makes no sense to me. If you cannot afford to pay for it in full, then you need to look at other alternatives. Houses are not the only places of residence that people can live. That is just my opinion. I have made a vow to never get a loan for a home or car; I have enough money to pay back in student loans alone! So that is my advice for that, you certainly do not have to take my financial advice, I am no expert, I am only giving you an honest opinion.
I am glad that you want to keep moving forward; getting your life together was the best thing that you could have ever done. Time heals all wounds, and no one is ever healed overnight, Sometimes it takes years for us to overcome the hurt and pain that we have experienced, but that is definitely okay. The important thing is that you do not rush into another serious relationship. Take the time to get to know yourself and other people. I am healing now from things that I have gone through this year already, and it's only May! I have learned that not everyone in your life has your best interest at heart and some people only want to use you for what they can, but if you allow people to use and mistreat you, then they will definitely take full advantage of it. I am not going to dwell on the negative because if I do, I will never be able to move on. When certain people hurt us, it's because they are also hurting and do not know how to deal with their own hurt or do not want to deal with it, so they hurt others in return. Life may be short, but there is never anything wrong with taking your time to do things right, and you are amazingly headed in the right direction. I wish you well in everything.
Warmest Regards,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
