AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
Question My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He has become so controling and it seems like I am his child rather than his wife. He has started calling me names when we argue and making me feel like I am useless. He always turns everything around to put the blame on me. I feel like I should stay true to my vows and just deal with it because I don't want to let God down. But I really can't take anymore. He leaves and stays gone all the time, he tells me what to do and when to do it, and never wants to hear anything I have to say. My feelings don't matter at all to him. I have to walk on eggshells to keep from making mad all day everyday and I am so tired of living like this. If I leave, I know he won't leave me alone though. Please give me some advice on what I can do. Thanks so much!!
Answer Lynn,
In response to your question, you have pretty much said everything accept those last final words...I am leaving him. You stated all of those negative things that he put you through in your question, so why continue to stay? If you know that he is treating you in the opposite manner in which you want to be treated, then there is no reason to continue with this relationship. Religious or not, abuse and mistreatment is never an excuse for anything. It sounds as though your husband may have some issues within himself that he may be dealing with or may have never dealt with, but that does not give him the right to treat you as such. Sometimes, when people put themselves into certain situations, they already know what their final decision needs to be, they just need to hear someone else state it, so I am stating this to you right now, you need to leave.
Some people may believe in sticking and staying, but not me. After the hell and agony that I have been put thorugh in relationships, I have a low tolerance for any kind of foolishness, and if a man thinks that he can talk to me any kind of way and raise his voice and get violent with me, then he has another thing coming. One of the most important lessons that my grandmother taught me was to be a kind person and to have kind people in my life. Kindness should be a requirement for everyone who wants a potential mate, but we often overlook it. People are not property or robots that we can control, and I definitely do not put up with stuff like that. It also sounds to me as though you may have some self-esteem issues as well, actually there is no doubt about it that you do. I recommend that you explore those issues with a licensed counsleor/therapist of your choosing. We have to treat others in the manner that we would like to be treated, and your husband is not doing that. I, of course cannot tell you what to do, but if I were you, and I am glad that I am not, I would have left him a long ass time ago. You do not need this crap. Do better, enjoy life, and always have positive people around you. I wish you well.
Warmest Regards,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
AllExperts.com
