Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas, B.S.Psy. - 6/19/2009

Question
What is the success rate of an abusive person getting well and turning their life around?  If they say they are going to counceling & classes, how long should they attend and how do you know when to trust them to try again?

Answer
Lynne,

   You posed a very interesting question and I appreciate you contacting me for information. I am unsure of the success rate of an abusive person getting well and doing better but I will say that counseling and therapy does work for some and it does help people to improve their lives and their well-being. Some people have really benefited from therapy and others not so much. Seeking help has to being with the individual because as Dr. Phil says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." So I think that someone who is abusive and who recognizes and acknowledges that their behavior is wrong and that they need help will do better in regards to getting help, as oppose to someone who just goes to therapy because they were told and/or asked to do so and they do not acknowledge that they have an anger problem. I have always been an advocate of therapy because it has helped me improve my life in so many ways. And although I was a victim of many abuses in several different relationships, no one ever held a gun to my head saying that I had to stay with the sorry men that I did stay in relationships with.

  People with anger problems and who have issues controlling their behavior should definitely get some kind of help, but few do, so as I stated before, acknowledgement of negative behavior begins with the self, not with anyone else telling us what our problems are. I hope that I have helped you in some way. It sounds as though you may be researching domestic violence or something similar, if so, there are so many resources online and in public and university libraries that can be of help to you. If I can do anything else to help you, please do not hesitate to contact me. Take care.


All My Very Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Advisor
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