AboutLaura Giles Expertise I can answer questions related to filing charges, support groups, leaving, safety planning, getting a protective order, getting counseling, or staying.
Experience I worked as a domestic violence advocate in the court system. I am also a counselor.
Education/Credentials B.S. Human Services Counseling
Master of Social Work
Question I have been in a relationship for 2 years now off and on. I have 3 children that I am raising. My boyfriend and I have fought several times. I have bit him, slapped him and he has slapped me and choked me. The other night we got into a small altercation, my son called the cops. I was hoping to get him into some kind of treatment, but instead they took him to jail. The fight wasn't that bad, he only pushed the refrigerator door on me, punched the fridge, when he done that he hurt his knuckle, then he wiped his blood on me. That was disgusting but besides that it wasn't that bad. don't really feel he deserved to go to jail. We share no kids together by the way. But anyway, I live in North Carolina and I was wanting to know if I can drop the charges on him or what? I didn't want to press them. The cop got my story and then just said that's assault and off he went. Is there any way I can drop the charges. All I want is for him to get help. He's normally a great man when he's sober but here lately he still calls me every whore and bitch in the book even when he's sober. Some would wonder why I want to drop them but in all reality he probably in the past could have pressed charges against me.
Answer Dear Sharon,
He ONLY pushed the refrigerator door on you and hit the fridge? ONLY?
You both need treatment. You should learn about healthy relationships and the effect of violence on the children in the household who witness it. Do you know that children who witness violence are multiple times more likely to have personality disorders than those who don't? They are more likely to be criminals and have sex earlier than those who don't. They are also more likely to be involved in violent relationships themselves.
Please get help. You need to be in a group for abused women so that you can learn how to set healty boundaries so that you neither tolerate abuse or perpetrate it.
But to answer your question, I don't know if NC allows you to drop the charges or not. In VA, the state takes out charges so you would only be a witness to the case. Since you did not take out the charges, it seems that this would be the same in NC.
My advice is to testify truthfully. This could be an opportunity to have this violence on record so that if it escalates, he will go to jail. They rarely go to jail for a first offense, but they do tend to order anger management treatment. Sounds like he needs this.
