AboutSusan Blocker Expertise My name is Susan Blocker. I was born in 1962 with a physical disabillity and I am SURVIVOR of Physical, Sexual, Verbal, Emotional and Economical abuse. During the past 11 years via my website "Climbing Out Of The Spiral" I have provided a myriad of online support and counseling services to survivors and victims of abuse worldwide.
My knowledge stems from my own personal experiences with childhood abuse and domestic violence. Through my own experience with abuse I've learned many valuable lessons that I am able to pass on to those in need of guidance and support, so that they may begin their "Climb Out Of The Spiral".
Experience My greatest accomplishment is surviving thirty years of abuse and having the strength to uphold my emotional fortitude so that I can pass my experience on to other survivors of abuse. I am creative founder of a website dedicated to promoting abuse awareness and prevention. Climbing Out Of The Spiral has provided abuse support and counseling services to victims and survivors of abuse world wide since December 7, 1996. Climbing Out Of The Spiral is my most precious achievement.
Education/Credentials My educatonal credentials stems from "Life Experience".
Question I have a 21 year old daughter who lives or lived with me
until last night.for years she has manipulated me and other
people.disrespected me,talked down to me to her friends and
other family members.she will burn her candles at both ends
to get her way. she had a job with me and lost it because of
her laziness.she always made me feel bad a lot of things.she
will tell me I'm crazy worthless and no good.I raised both
her and her brother by myself for years.all her lies and
head games caught up with her last night. she came to the
house to get her things after i has told her to stay away
for the night.when i told her to leave she got in my face
and got very nasty and belligerent with me. proceeding into
a confrontation she punched me in the ribs and face. yes i
did pull her hair to get her out of the house. she is a
hefty person and i am so small. i now have either severely
bruised ribs or broken i don't know. she's my daughter and
my world. what can i do about this. she has become a monster
in my eyes.
Answer Hello Mary:
I thank you for your inquiry. The article listed below may be of great help to you. Please take in the information that is most usful to you.
-----
One of the biggest obstacles to overcoming parent abuse are shame and blame. If your child is violent (hitting, threatening, intimidating, name-calling, shoving, etc.) it might be tough to even think about getting help because acknowledging or naming the problem can seem emotinally painful.
To make matters worse, once parents that are suffering abuse find the courage to reach out they often do not find the help they need. Instead they find blame –“this is your fault because you are a bad parent.”
Parent abuse is an increasingly common problem. It's not often talked about or addressed.
If you are suffering abuse at the hands of your daughter, Mary please understand: You are not alone. Although the problem isn’t often talked about, it does exist and it is increasingly common.
Mary you'll need to rely on your inner strength and wisdom to guide you toward the best answer for your family. Consider all available resources. Some of these include: therapy or counseling, evaluation and medication, if appropriate; temporary respite, (BoysTown) drug/alcohol testing, if appropriate; mediation if your teen is willing to acknowledge that she is responsible for his/her own violence and the necessary steps to re-establish trust and safety in the home, anger management workshops, talking with trusted friends, etc.
Remind yourself that you do have inner strength and wisdom – you might not feel like it now faced with what seems like such an insurmountable problem, but you do. Marshaling that strength will help you do something; it might be learning more about parent abuse, interviewing therapists, finding a support group, etc. Just doing something can help you banish the feeling of powerlessness that often comes with parent abuse.
Understand that turning the problem around will take time – As you experiment with different resources allow time to determine if what you are trying is really for you. If not, why not? For example, what kind of therapist do you think would work best with your family? Is it someone that values a collaborative approach? Someone that has more traditional positions on family roles and responsibilities? It is important to look for a good fit that feels comfortable.
Think safety – Making a safety plan and calling the police, if necessary, does not mean you don’t love your child. We all want to protect our children but that protection can not be traded against personal safety. Everyone has a right to physically and emotionally safe.
Present a united front – parents and other care-givers can work together on solutions for managing the problem of parent abuse whether it is directed at one or both parties.
Rebuild an appropriate parent/child relationship – Help your teen understand what you expect. Consider the use of behavior contracts and family meetings. Remove privileges when necessary and spend time together doing things you both enjoy.
For many parents, parent abuse feels like the outcome of a job not so well-done. Many parents feel like the abuse means they have failed themselves and their children. When you start beating yourself up about the way you are being treated by your teen remember this:
Yes, you have had an influence on the person your child is today, but you are by no means the only influence. Your children encounter many people and experiences that happen completely outside of you. Maybe you didn’t have a part in causing what is happening now. But you do have some power to direct how your relationship will be going
forward. Choose to use it.
-----
Mary If I may be of further assistance please feel free to contact me again at your convenience.
