Expert: Chardonnay Nicole Thomas, B.S.Psy. - 6/14/2009

Question
Hello Nicole!

My husband hits me often but it does not make any bruises. I tried to call police but he always threatens me back that police will trust him not me.

He has kicked me out of the house many times in middle of the night. One time he draw me outside naked (without even underwear)at after 1 am. Sometimes he locks me out of the house that I could not get in. One time he left me on the street that no money, no cellphone, no key  and I did not even know where I was.

He does things that illegal and not right but he always convince me that it is normal in united states.
I really love him but now I could not take it anymore.

He always tells me that I am very bad person that I need to get better and accept him more.

I am in deep depression and having left side pain all the time now.

I just don't know what to do. I asked him to go to therapist or marriage counsel with me. But he does not want to spend money on it.

Should I divorce? How can I do it? What is firs step? Is he abusive?

Best,

Answer
Dear 123,

   In response to your question, yes, I do think that you should divorce, for the simple fact that he is terribly mistreating you and abusing you. So why are you continuously tolerating this? Many people feel strongly about marriage and that vows are important and that divorce should not be an option, I, on the other hand, do not. I do not believe in people staying in abusive relationships and in situations where they are not being treated accordingly. It never matters to me what kind of relationship it is, if there is mistreatment, I leave, point, blank, period. You also stated that you are depressed, well, take it from me, get help as soon as you can. Untreated depression can have serious repurcussions. I believe that you know that this relationship was probably doomed from the very beginning and many people often miss the warning signs of trouble because they are naive and too wrapped up in the other person to really pay attention to behavior and character. If I were you, I would not be trying to fix anything with this creep, you deserve better, and the only way that you will get it is by taking a stand against the way he is treating you and believing in yourself and that you can do better.

 As someone recently told me, rid your life of the trash, and you will see how much your life and emotional health will improve. I wish you well in everything.  

Make It A Great Day!!

All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
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