AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
Question Hello, I have been in an abusive relationship until about 1 year ago. I was with my ex-husband since I was 16 and I am now 23 years old. I knew I needed to get away from my ex not only for myself but for my daughter. He was physically, mentally and verbally abusive to me. My problem now is I have moved on and was recently dating up until 3 days ago a wonderful man. I have recently broke it off with him because my ex-husband found out we were dating. Even though my new boyfriend is in the air force and recently stationed in Mississippi, my ex-husband has threatened to harm him so I broke it off. I didn't want to drag him into my mess. I have moved several times and he has always found out somehow where I live and work. We don't have mutual friends, so I know it is not through them and I don't let his mom find out because I don't want her to be put in that situation if he found out she knew. I have a restraining order out on him and have even took him off child support so that way I can just be done with him. But that didn't work. He still calls my job, my cell phone, comes by my house in the early am's after he has been out all night drinking. I am so terrified to call the police because I am afraid he will come out of jail and end up hurting me. He has access to guns through his god mother, she has hid them several times, but he manages to always find them. I feel like my only option to be away from him is moving out of state and starting my life somewhere else without telling anyone where I am. I don't want something to happen where my daughter will be without a mother. Do you know if there is anything else I can do to keep him away. Like I said I got the restraining order, but do I really have to relocate and lose the really good job I have and my family? Please help if you can?
Answer Hi Jessica!
I must say that you have my empathy for what you are going through. Before taking drastic measures such as moving, and you may very well have to, I would suggest talking to a detective at your local police station and explain to them that you do have a restraining order and that your ex continues to harass you. In a lot of cases like this, the police can be of no help until something actually happens, and it is usually too late when situations like that occur. If an officer or detective can be of no help to you, then maybe speaking with an attorney can bring some solace to the situation. And after that, if these incidents of contact still occur with your ex, then moving away may be your best solution. No one should have to start a new life because they need to feel safe, but it has worked for many women. I have not experienced what you are going through to that extent but I have had exes who would not leave me alone and usually when I get the law involved, they stop because they dp not want to go to jail or prison, so I have been lucky, fortunately. Now look, if is violating this restraining order, then you need to call the police and let them deal with it. If you do not call the police when he violates the order, how do you expect them to help you? That alone will frustrate the police and then when your ex goes too far with his behavior, the police will definitely say that you should have called them.
The first thing that you need to do is what I have already stated. And when this fool contacts you again or comes by, call the police and they can take it from there. If all else fails and his behavior continues even after the law has gotten involved, then maybe starting over in another state may be your best bet. I wish you well.
All My Very Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Advisor
AllExperts.com
