AboutChardonnay Nicole Thomas Expertise I am someone who is highly experienced in the fields of Domestic Violence and Abusive
Relationships. I have been in my share of abusive relationships and I have also studied this field. I feel that it really takes someone who has been there and been abused to really understand what other women go through. I have been in unstable relationships that involved physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. At that time, I felt as if there was no way out, but there is. I didn't think that I could make it, but I did, I didn't think that I could be strong, but I was. There were times when I was constantly being put down and my self-esteem was lowered. I know that you do not have a good feeling about yourself when someone who claims to love and care about you tells you that you are worth nothing and will never be anything out of life. I had to get away from that. I wanted my life to be positive, and now it seems to be. I still have days when I think about what I've been through and I feel melancholy, but I know that I'm okay now. I know now that I am strong and that I can make it through anything. I no longer allow people to disrespect and mistreat me, that doesn't sit well with me now. My standards of how I should be treated are much higher than they used to be. I feel that women especially, should always aim for the best, and never, ever settle for less than you deserve, because if you do, then you get what you settle for. I'm here to offer my expert advice to women who have experienced domestic violence and other forms of abuse throughout relationships. Remember, there is hope, so don't give up on yourself;
BE CONFIDENT and BE STRONG.
Experience I have been in several abusive and unhealthy relationships that have given me the life experience that I have today. I am no longer ashamed to share my views and personal stories on how I survived domestic violence. I persevered through so many negative situations in my life, including abusive relationships, by having faith, and using the strength that God gave me. I learned a long time ago that life is not fair, and there is nothing that anyone can do about that; but we only have one life, so therefore we need to live it the best way that we know how. If people only realized how little time we do actually have here on this Earth, many people would not take so many things for granted. Tomorrow is not promised, but I know that if I stay on the right path towards life, everything will turn out okay. When I look back on my past, it's the good things that give me a more positive outlook on life; different times in my life where I was doing different things/activities. Some of my credentials and greatest accomplishments are throughout Dance and Music. For almost ten years I was a classical dancer. I excelled in Ballet, Jazz, and Pointe, but Ballet is my first love and always will be. I received awards, trophies, and numerous certificates throughout my years in dance. I also used to participate in an Orchestra where I played the violin. I received many certificates, awards, and medals throughout my time playing. I have also made The National Dean's List for the year's 2001-2002, and 2002-2003; as well as The National Scholars Honor Society in 2003. Not only that, I have volunteered with the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) in the past, and will continue to do so in the future.
Organizations American Psychological Association—APA;
American Psychology-Law Society—AP-LS;
House Rabbit Society—HRS;
International Association for Correctional and Forensic Psychology—IACFP;
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence—NCADV;
North Georgia House Rabbit Society—NGHR
Education/Credentials Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology, Concentration: Psychology Applied to the Workplace, Walden University, Expected: 2010
Awards and Honors Hope Scholarship Recipient, 2005;
The National Scholar's Honor Society, Inducted 2003;
National Dean's List, 2001-2002; 2003-2004;
Georgia Music Educator's Association, Band-Orchestra, 1991-1992; 1992-1993;
Conference Presenter-Clayton State University and The National Archives' Civic Engagement Student Research Conference, Title of Presentation: "North to the Future: The Candidates, Highlights, Factors, and Essential Outcome of the 2008 Alaska U.S. Senate Race"
I have finally decided it's time to leave. I've seen a bankruptcy lawyer but he can only discharge my debts and obsolve me of responsibility for the two mortgages and addition $30k credit card debts.
My thinking is that if my spouse has to pay two mortgages and credit card debts, there's very little left in finances to divide between us. So I asked my spouse about also filing bankruptcy and he agreed (not knowing I've started the process for myself).
My question is: Why am I still filled with so much anxiety I can't focus on finding a job, apartment? It's not love, desire to make the marriage work or any of the things that are classical reasons about the relationship.
I still feel trapped but in my own body, can't sleep or eat.
I wonder if joint filing is best. The lawyer says, "just take care of me". But he gets to file simple for me and more complicated with me and my spouse.
Second: I keep making the same mistakes over and over again even after I've vowed not to. I paid this lawyer who moves very quickly, did not consider my best interests, tide me to an agreement which he did not fully explain. When he did explain it, it did not include some things I read later.
The anxiety I felt, seeing the lawyer alone caused me to move too quickly for my own nerves. Why can't I say, "No, let me think about it?" This has caused me to once again question my ability to make decisions. I'm not stupid; I do think before I act; but people who push seem to be able to get me to do things I don't want to.
Please advise. Any suggestions?
Thank you.
P.S. I moved back to Florida from New York, tried to email you but don't know if you received it.
Answer Hi Linda!!!
I am glad that you are on the pathway to rebuilding your life, but you must realize one thing, you are human, so as you continue to go throughout life and as I have learned you will continue to make mistakes, but the beauty is in learning from them and learning to correct your behavior so that it does not happen over and over again. As far as your legal situation goes, I would look into getting a more reliable attorney, I mean this is your life we are talking about and not every lawyer is going to have your best interests at heart and many of them just want to get paid and could care less about their client.
Furthermore, no one can make you do anything that you do not want to. I really like this quote that I just learned: “In order to be walked on, you have to be lying down," by Brian Weir. If someone takes advantage of you, it is because you allow them, and people only do what we allow, right. I just think that you have been through a lot and you are trying to redefine yourself, and I think that you have so much potential within you. Moving on is never easy, but it is a necessary part of life. I have been there. Time is also what has helped me. I was hurt by someone recently, but I know that life will still go on and it will pass me by if I let it, but I do not plan on doing that.
If finding a job and another place to live is what you want, then just do it. Find your inner strength and motivate yourself into reaching your goals. Your relationship is over and you must accept that. Moving forward after a relationship has ended is kind of like grieving and it takes time to heal, but time heals all wounds. All of the negative things that I have experienced have made me a stronger person and I am grateful for them. I may not understand some of the things that have occurred in my life, but I know that they were all for a substantive reason in the end. Realize that there is something bigger and better in store for you and that you can conquer anything.
Sorry to hear that you left New York!! I am still considering moving there. I have always hated Florida, way too hot and humid for me. I am a winter person!! I wish you well in everything!! Please email me at cnthomas@mail.com and I will give you my direct contact email. Hope to hear from you!! Take care.
All My Best,
Chardonnay Nicole Thomas
Advisor
AllExperts.com
“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.”
-Author Unknown
“All you need is within you, waiting to unfold and reveal itself.”
-Eileen Caddy
“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.”
-Maya Angelou
