Expert: Susan Blocker - 9/7/2009

Question
I have been married 18 years, throughout the marriage we have had some rocky times. He has done so many wonderfull things for me and my children. He was never really into sex alot but I felt that there were more important things than sex. He is an alcoholic, when he would drink he would tell me how much he hated the things he did for me. About 4 months ago we had a argument and he hit me in the mouth,since then he has quit drinking, is extremely nice, like a totally different person but I cannot forgive him, its like he killed the marriage. What do think I should do?  

Answer
Hello Dawn:

I appreciate your inquiry. In honesty Dawn there's truly not much that you need to do because the problem lies with your husband and his alcoholism. It's good that he realized his mistake and that he has stopped drinking. However depending on how long he has had a problem with alcohol he still may need additional support through an Alcohol Substance Abuse Program.

If he starts drinking  he very well may become abusive towards you again. Some people who drink alcohol become verbally, physically and emotionally abusive towards there spouse because the alcohol takes over their mental state.

I think you should try to encourage your husband to seek professional support for his alcohol addiction. It's very good that he has stopped drinking but he still may need a little outside support especially if he experiences any type of stress.  Additional stress can cause him to turn back to drinking again which in turn may cause him to become abusive towards you. So I do suggest that you talk to your husband and see if he is willing to seek additional support for his drinking.

You and your husband have been married for 18 years and I can only imagine the hurt you felt/feel when he says hurtful things to you. Dawn please remember emotional healing takes time. Give yourself the time that you need to heal. It may take a little time repair what has been damaged within your marriage but in "Time" it can be repaired.

I also would like to encourage you to contact National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 or visit there company web site at: http://www.ndvh.org/

D.V.H. will be able to further assist you by giving you specific information regarding victim support that can be obtained within the current state that you reside in.

I also want you to know Dawn that I too can relate to your situation. I too am a survivor of domestic violence and I am here to tell you YOUR LIFE will get better. There is plenty of help available to you, keep striving forward.

If I may be of further assistance Dawn please feel free to email me again any time at your convenience. Remain Strong Dawn.

Wishing You Peace & Comfort

Susan B. Blocker

Founder

Climbing Out Of The Spiral

http://climbingout.bravehost.com