You are here:

Domestic Violence/Why can't I let go of my abusive husband?


ticklemeivory wrote at 2011-10-10 06:33:04
Expert - my foot!  Dianne Schwartz, you are adding more kicks to this woman's ribs!  What kind of hope for a future do you think your judging words give her?  There's a reason she's behaving the way she is.  She's reaching out; asking why.  You're "expressing" your anger towards her just like her "husband" would - condemningly.  So, what makes you the expert?  Expert in judging?  ...or resolving?  This approach saddens me.  I'd still be in my abuser's arms if this were the only help I was given.

There's an obvious need this woman's trying to fill.  A skilled counselor will listen attentively after asking probing questions and help the individual discover healthy choices.  I will never forget when my counselor described a dating scenario in which the guy asked the girl to skip class (she wanted to take) in order to go out with him.  I would have done as he asked.  Until that moment, I never knew I would have permission to say, "No, that doesn't work for me."  In fact, in this story, he was asking the gal to give up part of who she was - her interests.  This may sound like a silly story, but it altered the way I think.  Simple lessons such as these are not always taught in homes.  The opposite is often demonstrated.  Yet, if someone (counselor, whomever) cares enough to LISTEN and consider WHY such (seemingly to YOU) irrational decisions are being made; &/or WHAT need is the person trying to fill, THEN a healthy life-style can begin.  THIS, I know 1st hand!  It is VERY possible.  This lady's esteem and identity, followed by her children's, can be rebuilt beautifully.  Thank you!

BEN Ther wrote at 2012-05-19 04:38:14
I can not believe that anyone would say such a thing to another human being. She is asking for advice because she is in a situation that is overwhelming to her and needs guidence not judgment. You should be ashamed of yourself. I think you should get out of your situation and just keep looking for a counselor that works for you. There are a lot of bad ones and a lot of good ones. If you continue down this road it is possible that you may get killed or have your daughter taken away, you really need to stay away no matter what.  

Rita wrote at 2012-08-03 01:21:54
Chris. Hang in there and be strong. He will never change. You can never change a person who continues to be mentally and physically abusive. he doesnt care for no one but for himself. Screw him. Love yourself and your children. You are blessed and God loves you. I would love to hear how well your live becomes without his crap and drama. You deserve much more better. Rita...

Samantha wrote at 2013-01-29 23:50:03
This woman has no concern for her child--only herself. How sad that she is so selfish and has made a decision to live in such a horrible environment. My mother did the identical thing and it has taken me years to undo the damage she forced me and my siblings to endure.

Domestic Violence

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dianne Schwartz


Relationship, self-love, domestic violence, personal and spiritual growth, self-examination to define the reasons we have pulled unhealthy people into our lives and how to end this destructive practice.


Author of, "Whose Face is in the Mirror?" One woman's journey through the nightmare of domestic violence to true healing. Website for battered women and non-profit organization that assists victims of abuse.

Domestic violence director of The Peace at Home Program. Court approved trainer and speaker on domestic abuse.

This book was reviewed by The Library Journal

Awards and Honors
Book was chosen as Hay House Publishing "Book of the Year."

©2017 All rights reserved.