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Domestic Violence/Abusing and fighting wife


I am not sure if I the question category "Domestic Violence" is right or wrong because there is no violence between my wife and me yet. But there is a possibility in future.
Let me begin with saying, I am confused, very very sad, not sure what to do. Hence, reaching out to you for some guidance and direction.
My wife behaves very childish, immature, and aggressive very often. Every normal discussion turns into argument, blaming game, crying, and then screaming. I am scared and very tired of her behavior and daily fights. No matter what I say. nothing makes difference. I even called her father in India to seek some help and explain her and make things better. But after one day, she comes back to same nature.
Unfortunately I can't just walk away. I have two small boys, whom I am love more than my life, and ready to suffer my whole life like this, If I have to.
I am not sure what to do and how to end these daily drama and fights. What are my options? Is there any legal help I can get and make sure I don't loose my sons.
Please help me here. I am crying.

Hi Sanjit Das,

Thank you for writing and asking these very good questions. Relationships are challenging enough but when drama, blame and anger enter into the picture, then something has to change to create a more peaceful and joyful environment for you and your boys. Being around constant fights is NOT healthy for you or your kids. The kids, even at a young age, will pick up on tension and may become frighten and not learn a well-balanced, healthy way of being. It is important to move towards a more peaceful environment and seeking out help is the first step in making that happen.

Also, being confused and feeling sad, tired and scared are normal reactions to such events and are signs that help is needed, so give yourself a pat on the back for reaching out for ideas of what to do—crying is OK too—it is a healthy, normal release of these feelings, so cry as much as you need to release that tension. Seeing a professional counselor may help you regain and rebalance your energy and learn new ways to respond to your wife.  Learning ways to not get drawn into this drama may help refocus your energy on your boys and make you feel better.

Taking this step may also help encourage your wife to see a counselor as well. Sometimes, postpartum depression will negatively affect women deeply especially after childbirth. Here is a description and some information about it:  There are many other sites with information as well and seeing a professional counselor can help in most cases especially if she is experiencing postpartum depression. There are support groups for men and women that may be helpful as well.

Deciding to suffer your whole life just to be with your boys is really not a good decision either because your boys will sense these emotions even if you try to hide them. Kids need to be around a peaceful and joyful environment to help them learn healthy ways of dealing with life challenges. Dealing with the problem head on with a counselor is my recommendation for you. Also, seeing an attorney to find out your options will also give you the information about your legal rights. Taking these two steps will most likely provide you with the direction you are looking for.

Please keep asking questions as you go along. Making good decisions is important for you and your kids and you have the power to make that happen. Living with love, peace and joy is the goal and learning new ways of being will give you the answers that you need and want for your happiness.

Thank you for reaching out for help and please write again and let me know how things are going. Much peace to you,

Coach Cathy
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education  

Domestic Violence

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Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence


Are you feeling confused, angry, scared or hurt? Are you being yelled at, hit, threaten or told what to do? Do you worry or fear the safety of yourself, your family or pets? These are all signs of an abusive relationship, and I can help you determine if you are in an unhealthy or dangerous situation. No one deserves to live a life filled with fear, pain and abuse, and I am here to help you find ways for a better life--everyone deserves to live a life without fear and abuse. Your questions will be answered with honesty and respect. Please ask questions today to help you find better ways to live a more loving and happier life for you and your family. Let me help you!


I am a Certified Life Coach Specializing in Abuse and Domestic Violence.

•SPARCC (Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •CAT (Sarasota Violence Prevention Community Action Team) •Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Please visit my webpage for more information and articles about abusive relationships and domestic violence at or www.DomesticViolence-Education.

•B.S. from Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA •Core Competency Course from the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, Naples, Fl •Life Coach Training from Changepoint Coaching & Consulting Association •Advanced Training from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education •Sexual Violence Core Training from Florida Council Against Sexual Violence •High Risk Domestic Violence Training by Lundy Bancroft and Sarasota Police Department, Fl •Court Assistance Training from SPARCC (Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •Principles of Prevention by The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

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