Domestic Violence/Husband choked me


We were having a great time while out having a few drinks after the ball. I had too much to drink and apparently started getting mouthy. Next thing I know I am bringing up some past history and just cursing at him and making him feel two feet tall. I called him every name in the book and told him his junk wasn't anything and so on. I really hurt his feelings and at the time I was just trying to push his buttons. He started to come at me and started to choke me, at first I thought it was a joke because we have been married for 6 years and hes never done this. He then let up and I was talking crap again and he came at me again choking me and throwing me down on the bed. We talked about it the next day and he said he did it because he didn't know how to shut me up. He didn't want me talking anymore and that is what he felt he needed to do. We both apologized to each other for both of our actions but he made it seem that it was my fault because I said a lot of mean things. I admit I wasn't nice but how did he get so angry at me to do that? Is he going to do that again? He was sober. I just don't know if I should be mad or forgive him. Things are like it never happened right now. But if they were to get brought up he would be like "well you were being mean and you hurt my feelings". He was very apologetic the next day but he felt the need to let me know that I was out of line too...I just don't know what I should be feeling or what I should do. I mean we have been married for 6 years and this has never happened. Is he going to do this the next time I get mouthy and then what...history just repeats itself until when?! I'm just so confused right now. I know this behavior isn't right but I just don't feel that upset about it and keep making excuses saying that i made him do it. I don't know what to do.

Hi Jennifer,
Thank you for the question. To begin with, physical violence is always unacceptable as a course of action.  With that said, you both were at fault here.  On your side, being mouthy in the way you describe was very hurtful and disrespectful to him.  On his side, his response was way out of line.  

In the short term, my best advice would be to seek out a couples counselor and talk about this with that third party.  Counseling can help you in the way that you respond to situations as well as helping your husband to deal with his side of things.  The counselor can also help you sort out your feelings with regard to what happened.

Just as a side note, a possible culprit to this situation was the alcohol.  Alcohol is always a detrimental additive when couples are at odds with each other.  If you get mouthy when you drink, then if it were me, I wouldn't be drinking.  It causes issues that you don't want to deal with.

Thank you again and I hope this was helpful.  If I can be of any further assistance, please contact me again.

Domestic Violence

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I am able to answer questions with regard to problems that result from emotional abuse or physical abuse in both dating and marriage relationships. Having been in an abusive relationship for many years, I know first hand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we go through as we try to make decisions about our lives. Often victims of abuse have deep faith based concerns regarding staying in these kinds of relationships which I am able to address as well.


My background started as a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship as well as having family members who were victims of violence and physical abuse. I have gone on to become a professional counselor and I work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Association, American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at I also have links and currently written articles on my website at You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

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