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Domestic Violence/Why is my Mom so Stupid?

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Question
I am 15 and my mom has known this guy for almost 5 years. They have a two-year-old son together, my half-brother. Ever since he moved in with us, a few months before we found out my brother was conceived, their relationship has been terrible. He relapsed back on heroin since then and they've been into fights. She's had to call the cops on him at least 5 times. He JUST got out of jail and now he's back. My mom had to kick him out of the house at least 20 times. Every time he's gone, my mom swears she'll never let him back, but she always does. I think she's stupid. I never communicate with my family. I believe my mom is dumb, and I don't want to be influenced by her. Why does she always let him back in? Why does she keep using my brother as an excuse? Is it right to let an abusive, heroin addict around their son? Why is she so...dumb?

Answer
Hello Shakira,

Your mom most likely let's her boyfriend back into her life despite the abuse because she's afraid of what life would be like without him. She probably doesn't have very high self esteem and doesn't know what she is capable of or deserving of.

If the father isn't abusive to the child, it's better for the child to have some relationship with him. That doesn't mean that the parents should be together however.

I would guess that your mom needs love that she didn't get. Or maybe love that she hasn't felt. She feels she needs this man (rather than a good man or no man), so she does things to have him in her life. You are right. It's not smart.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles

Domestic Violence

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Laura Giles

Expertise

I can answer questions related to filing charges, support groups, leaving, safety planning, getting a protective order, getting counseling, or staying.

Experience

I worked as a domestic violence advocate in the court system. I am also a counselor.

Education/Credentials
B.S. Human Services Counseling
Master of Social Work

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