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Domestic Violence/Friend living with a passive aggressive husband


I have known my friend and her husband socially for over 22 years.  I moved in with them recently because I am also seeking a divorce and have separated from my relationship.   I have discovered that they have divided the house in two.  He on one side and she on the other.  They seem to get into verbal confrontations several times daily.  I never see him hit her,  but she swears he grabs and pinches and punches her in the chest.  I have seen the bruises.  Neither have a job or a real source of income
 Although he sells small items on ebay.  Their arguments are always  over the lack of money.   I have sewn many notices of failure to pay on standard things like utilities, mortgage, etc..  My question is in regards to my safety as well as hers.  The arguments are frequent and his temper is escalating.   My friend swears she has it under control and not to worry, that she has put up with this for years.  And, since our state can arrest both of them since no witness's.  A case of she hit me first.  She fears going to jail.  Also, I have experienced his passive aggressive behavior and am afraid.  Police have come to the home in the past, but the husband always mentions she has mental issues and is an alcoholic.  I.e
A crazy woman and they leave!  What can I do since I also live there?

Hello Diane:

I hope that this message finds you well and in good spirits this day. I thank you for your inquiry and I truly do understand your concerns for your safety and the safety of your friend.

Because you are a guest in your friends residence with regard to your safety it might be best that you try to find another place to live, Sometimes a home can have too many adults living under one roof this alone can cause additional stress especially if there's already problems between your friend and her husband. Even under the best of circumstances adding another adult to ones home can have it's ups and downs good and bad points. In time you may want to seriously consider finding a place of your own, especially if you feel that your safety is at risk.

With regard to your friends safety she herself has to come to the realization that she might be in a bad relationship that has a potential to become abusive. In other words  she has to reach her breaking point in order for her to want to reach out for help. As sad as this may sound you can't make a person gets help if they are not ready to admit there is a problem.      

I hope that I have been of some help, my answer may not be exactly what you want to hear but these are facts as a guest in there home there's not much that you can do with regard to their relationship, financial problems, lack of bill paying etc. Those problems are between your friend and her husband. If your safety is at risk the best thing might be for you to consider relocating.  

When your friend is ready to seek help for her marital problems she will once she reaches her breaking point.  If your friend is suffering from any type of emotional issues where she herself cannot make certain decisions on her own if she has a Mental Health Physician/Social Worker you might want to try to connect with them and explain to them her situation and your concerns.

For additional counseling and support services you and your friend can also contact the

Domestic Violence Hot Line -    -  1-800-799-7233

This service is available 24/7 365 days per year. As always When/If the situation between your friend and her husband become violent call 911 immediately.  

I am wishing you and your friend the very best Diane. If I may be of further assistance please feel free to contact me again at your convenience.

Susan Blocker
Climbing Out Of The Spiral/Secrets Of Serenity

Domestic Violence

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Susan Blocker


My name is Susan Blocker. I was born in 1962 with a physical disabillity and I am SURVIVOR of Physical, Sexual, Verbal, Emotional and Economical abuse. Since 1996 via my website "Climbing Out Of The Spiral" I have provided a myriad of online support and counseling services to survivors and victims of abuse worldwide. My knowledge stems from my own personal experiences with childhood abuse and domestic violence. Through my own experience with abuse I've learned many valuable lessons that I want to pass on to those in need of guidance and support. Please allow me to help "YOU" begin your "Climb Out Of The Spiral".


My greatest accomplishment is surviving thirty years of abuse and having the strength to uphold my emotional fortitude so that I can pass my experience on to other survivors of abuse. I am creative founder of a website dedicated to promoting abuse awareness and prevention. Starting December 7, 1996 Climbing Out Of The Spiral has has been a leader providing Abuse Support and Counseling Services to victims of abuse World Wide. Climbing Out Of The Spiral is my most humble and precious achievement.

My educatonal credentials stems from "Personal Life Experience".

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