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Domestic Violence/How can my wife feelinhgs change for me so fast?


My wife and I have been separated since our domestic dispute over a month ago. I was arrested and she had move out and into a women shelter temporarily. When i did get out i try to reach out to her to mined things. Every time I call her she doesnt answer, and if I try to conversate with her through text she would turn her phone off for the whole night. A couple of weeks later I get a protective oprder serve to me from her. In the copy of the affidavit she claims she call the police and while she was on the stand  at our hearing in court she seem very shaky since the very beginning. She went on to say that the leasing office people who witness the whole thing call the cops on that day

Why would she not admit in calling the cops like she said she did in the affidavit? Everyone know she did in fact call the police

She also told the D.A and the court that I had warn her before hand before I hit her to stop nagging me. Also which wasn't in the affidavit. strange.

Also in the affidavit she say suffered a black eye and a bloody nose in another incident between us.Then on the stand she said she did suffered a black eye due to the bloody nose but only she could have notice it looking in the mirror.

She clearly doesnt want anything to do with me but what i dont understand is how can a week prior to all of this she is all loving to me and request days off to spend time with me and text me telling me how much she love me only for her to treat me like I dont exist? Also in the affidavit she begins to say that she was conteplating leaving me only to make her final decision when she spoke to her boss about the situation. Her boss and her have become very buddy buddy lately. I havent met her personal but she would come home and express how kool her boss was and stuff. Could this have had a affect on her?

Dear Shawn,
Your question is very difficult to answer simply because I don't know either one of you and you are asking me to explain motives relating to a situation I know nothing about.  I can only answer you in general and hope that helps.

Often, in domestic violence situations feelings go back and forth and back and forth, the victim can be influenced by others, they don't know what to do, and they become confused at times and then know what they want to do the next.  They are often afraid of the person doing the violence and will do what they feel they need to do in order to safely escape the situation, which can be confusing to the perpetrator.  Also, when a victim is traumatized, they aren't thinking clearly and may remember things more clearly after the situation is over and they have had time to collect their thoughts and the body has returned to a state of relative peace.  That can be a very common reason why you hear statements saying one thing right after the event and other things are said at later times.  

Domestic violence is one of the behaviors that destroys trust, security and relationship very, very quickly.  It cannot be mended with an apology.  It would be my suggestion that you do whatever you need to do to get help for yourself.  Once you have overcome your response issues, you will have a better chance of having a relationship with her or any other woman.

I hope that helps you to understand a little better.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Domestic Violence

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I am able to answer questions with regard to problems that result from emotional abuse or physical abuse in both dating and marriage relationships. Having been in an abusive relationship for many years, I know first hand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we go through as we try to make decisions about our lives. Often victims of abuse have deep faith based concerns regarding staying in these kinds of relationships which I am able to address as well.


My background started as a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship as well as having family members who were victims of violence and physical abuse. I have gone on to become a professional counselor and I work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Association, American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at I also have links and currently written articles on my website at You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

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