You are here:

Domestic Violence/How do I handle an abusive husband


My husband can be so mean at times.  He physically hurts me.  He has broken 2 of my bones, busted my lips, slapped my, shoved me and even choked me to the point to where I threw up.  I was recovering from surgery on my abdominal area and he got mad at me, kicked me out the bed, and stepped in my stomach where my incisions were.  The reason he gets so violent is because we can be arguing and I will literally say "Whatever, I don't want to hear it!" and walk away.  He will then charge after me and grab me, choke me, etc.  He does this in front of the kids.  I am so sick and tired of him putting his hands on me.  We just recently got married and I feel that maybe his behavior will change.  I am not so sure now.  What do I do?  He is getting careful not to leave bruises in case I call the police.  He will put his knee on my throat or put all his weight on my arms with his knees pressed into my arms.  He will take his knuckles and press them up against my teeth hard.  It doesn't leave a bruise, but it does hurt terribly.  He will twist my arm really hard.  I am really not sure how to handle him anymore.  I am afraid to fight back because it will only make matters worse.

Dear Rain,
There is only one way to handle abusers as violent as this man.  LEAVE.  Leave now.  Do not look back, don't go back, don't talk to him, don't listen to his reasons, his manipulations or his excuses. Don't believe him if he promises to change because he won't.  Don't go to counseling with him, don't try to reconcile.  LEAVE.

If he has escalated to choking you, understand this:  It takes 11 lbs of pressure around your neck for 8 seconds to kill you.  That's all. At some point he will either irreparably harm you or kill you and then what will your children do?

If you call the police, don't back down.  Press charges and don't back off.  You are not safe, your children are not safe.  This is not about you handling him.  This is his problem, not yours.  

I am so very sorry that you are going through this, but you are the only one who can do anything about it.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.  Please take a look at my website in the Library section and on my blog if you need further information.  This will not get better.  He is a violent abuser who is out of control.

Domestic Violence

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP


I am able to answer questions with regard to problems that result from emotional abuse or physical abuse in both dating and marriage relationships. Having been in an abusive relationship for many years, I know first hand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we go through as we try to make decisions about our lives. Often victims of abuse have deep faith based concerns regarding staying in these kinds of relationships which I am able to address as well.


My background started as a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship as well as having family members who were victims of violence and physical abuse. I have gone on to become a professional counselor and I work with abused women.

American Mental Health Counselors Association, American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

I currently maintain a blog at I also have links and currently written articles on my website at You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

©2016 All rights reserved.