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Domestic Violence/Am I Being Emotionly Abused? If I Am, What Can I Do?

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Question
Hi, I'm not sure if this was the right spot to ask this question.
I'm a 16 year old girl, for as long as I can easily remeber, you had to be careful what you do. My mom can be very moody and one thing can set her off. I love her as much as anyone loves their mother. I know she loves me. But for awhile now she's been getting mad more than before. She yells and screams,swears and most of the time I'm grounded. She demands all these chores expects high grades, which is fine. But she expects you to do her job. She has like a little daycare. I love helping her, I just don't like being expected, I don't even get paid except for the odd time. On days where I don't have school me and my little sister are forced to help her. Everyday she does the following sits on the couch, plays Facebook games, talks to her friend on the phone all day long. It was a long weekend and I didn't bring home one of my texts books. I was understanding it perfectly, I was happy that for once I wasn't struggling. She sent me and my sister back to school, we take a bus, so it was not a short walk, in -30 degrees Celsius for something I didn't need. She made me sound stupid, I felt like an idiot.
I sorry if I'm wasting your time. I just want to tell someone.
My mom blames us for everything. Why the house is a mess, implies were the reason she can't lose weight, that she has to do everything herself. Once, I left something laying around, she began screaming at me that I couldn't clean up after myself. I ran to my room to be alone, that she yanked my door open, yelled and screamed. She asked if I would like it if she came into my room and messed it up and left thing laying everywhere. She picked up my little table I use as a nightstand and threw it against the wall. She knocked stuff off my desk and made everything a mess. I cried and cried, I was so scared she was going to take it out one me, she never did. Once she left I fell to my knees and cleaned up. Everytime she gets mad or starts a fight with my dad I always feel I have to clean something. I don't know why, but that's just the way it is. EverY Christmas for as long as I can remember she gets so stressed that she gets mad constantly. When we were youngy dad had to take us with him for a little drive, so she could calm down. I know she gets stressed but some would be eliminated if she played with the kids, than she wouldn't eat all the sweets. Me and my sister have very low self conicidence me for mom for implying them when she's mad and Kate because she looks up to my mom and my mom has low self convidence too. My friend was making bad, (illegal), choices and soneone was doing worse back. I want so badly to tell someone. I wanted to tell my mom. But I couldn't I would get in trouble like it's my fault or I'm making those choices. My dad even said not to tell her. To be honest I'm scared of her and I think my dad is too. I don't want to be but I am. My sister was treated as the favorite for the longest time. It was visible even to my dad. This yelling and blaming is all new to her. I don't want her to become like me. I can't make decisions without making sure it's okay with my mom, I can't feel I can have an opinion, I can't speak up for myself without it turning into an argument I can never win with her. And no one is ever right except for her. No one can ever be except for my mom. I scared her bad once, she almost called the cops. She didn't even talk to me rationally about it. It was after I was yelled at and grounded from everything for who knows how long that my Dad came and talked to me rationally than after awhile she came and did the same. If it wasn't for my dad sticking up for me I don't know what would have happened. I want my sister to feel she can talk to her mom, to not be afraid of her. This one thing my mom did that I never ever want my sis to ever go through. I cry everytime I think about it. I refer it to the day that I officially changed, and not in a good way. I made this poster for some class, all by myself, for every other poster my mom basically made (I just chose colors and followed her instructions), I never felt that happy about myself. I was glowing with pride. I was on cloud nine. Anyways she saw it she called it sh** she kept saying that what it was over and over. I was that sweet innocent little girl who wanted her mother to be proud of her. To encourage her not just lay out out expectations. I wanted to go to collage become a doctor. That that little girl disaspeared when my mom said I'd never got to collage because that poster was supposedly only going to be a 60%. But it looked like all the other eightth grade or seventh grade posters. She claimed that I mays we'll go work at McCdonalds. I never ever want my sis to feel that pain. I don't want her to be sad, feel worthless. I probably have anxiety. It's hard to feel happy with the uncomfortably feeling of worriedness, scaredness, and nervousness almost all the time. Or the feeling of detachedment from your body. Sometimes I have the urge to hurt myself. But I don't want to do that. I'm to scared to tell someone. It would be so easier if she hit me. Someone would notice. Someone would ask the right questions. I just want to be a happy. To cope I write in my journal or write stories, or listen to music. I know that won't be enough forever. I know I'm holding off everyday until the day I just break. I just want someone to notice this, soemone to do something, I can't in too scared. I love my mom to bits, but she needs help and I need a someone to listen. I tried to tell my friend (not the one messaged above, the one who helped me through that), he's always been there, but I feel embarrassed, needy when I try. Thank you for taking the time to read this. It really helps for someone to listen. Am I over reacting?

Answer
Dear RJ,


    Sweetheart,never feel bad about wanting to talk to someone about your problems, I have been there. I do not think you are over-reacting, I have been where you are, let me tell you a little about me.
    My older brother and I were raised by my Mothers sister, from the age of 2 1/2(brother)and I was probably 1 1/2, till I was 7 and my brother was 8. Anyhow we lived in California and my Mom came and took us back to El Paso,TX. It was not a happy time, my Step-Father was abusive and I felt my Mother did nothing to help us. She also loved my brother and later, my little brother whom she had with the mean step-father more than she loved me.
    I would see my Mom hug and kiss my brothers all the time but I don't remember her doing that for me. I really don't think she liked me sometimes. I remember that just before my 13th Birthday, my Mother and I got into an argument and I told her on my birth date not to even talk to me or say anything. Well it was the worst birth day of my life, that day, no one wished me Happy Birth day, I didn't get any presents or even a cake. At the end of the night, she let me know that, I had told her not to say anything. The fact that she followed through is still painful today, but I have chosen to forgive her and love her.
    I really love my Mom but it took a while. There came a time when I did not speak to her for five years but I had to understand that God had forgiven me for so much, I needed to be able to forgive as well.
    I know that it must be a terrible situation for you and your sister and dad but look at it this way, you are almost to the point where you can leave the house.
    Dear RJ, I want you to know, never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, usually people make others feel bad because that is the way they feel about themselves. I am sorry that your Mother made you feel so bad about your poster, I am sure it was beautiful.
    I think as parents we should be careful about the long-lasting effects we have on our children when we speak to them. I wish I could go back in time and treat my 21-year-old daughter a little bit more sensitive because right now she is very bitter and angry and that bitterness and anger is a silent divider. We do not have a relationship right now, and I wish we could, but I don't think any kind of apology I give will ever heal it, it is going to take an act of God for the reconciliation.
    I know that your Mother may seem hard, or she unfairly expects more from you and your sister, while she does nothing, but whatever you do, forgive her. UN-forgiveness is like a cancer, when it takes root, it spreads. When we forgive it gives us peace.
    I have always thought that we should never let another human being have that much power over us, to where we are always stressed out, because that other people is happily going about their lives and they sleep just fine at night, while we are miserable and depressed.
    You have to just make up your own mind to say, you know what? I am going to work hard in school, I am going to be successful, and then take the steps to do that by just doing it.
    I want you to know that you could never waste my time, I enjoy speaking to people. I am very sorry for what you are going through and I will pray for you. I don't think your Mother realizes what she is doing to you and the rest of the family but remember, you are not going to remain in your present circumstances for ever because you do grow up and you will one day leave. Right now I just want you to stay focused and to remember to forgive. You can write to me anytime, I will be here as long as the Lord allows me too, I will and can be that shoulder to cry on and someone who does not mind giving you some words of encouragement. I hope someone will give that to my daughter too.
      Well Hon, it is a pleasure talking to you, take care and I will be praying for you, love Sharman

Domestic Violence

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Sharman Castillo

Expertise

I can answer questions on mental abuse and physical abuse. I can answer questions on sexual abuse for adult women. I can not answer questions on sexual abuse for children because I have never experienced that personally.

Experience

I was in an abusive situation twice. Once for 1-year and 6 months. The other for 2-years and 3 months. I know the cycle of being abused by the abuser and then believeing he will change. Forgiving him or her and then starting over again, with the same abuse.

Education/Credentials
Life experience, sometimes it takes talking to someone who has been there.

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