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Domestic Violence/I don't know, do you know?

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Question
Hi, I don't know if this is the right spot or not. I'm also sorry to bother you, your probably have lots of questions to answer and stuff.
I think my Dad was physically abused when he was a kid. Maybe emotional abused too. He's a great Dad and I love him so much. I think he chooses the wrong people to be with and doesn't see that's how he shouldn't be treated. Before my Dad met my mom, he was with another lady. She wasn't too nice to him and eventually took away his son my half brother. My mom is not always nice. She can be really mean sometimes. My Dad sometimes takes the blow for me when he can. She screams, yells, and swears and it's really scary. She's always starting the fights than playing victim. My Dad probably gets the worse of it. If I'm scared, I can only imagine how he feels.
My mom has her good moments bet they're getting farther apart, which is my fault.
So my question is how do I know of my Dad is being emotionally abused or is scared. Could he be depressed, because in know I am. I just want to help him. It's not nice when my mom yells at him. I just want him to be happy.

Answer
Thank you for your question.  It sounds like you both are having a difficult time.  In reality, there is not much you can do for your dad except encourage him to go to counseling.  He has to want to change things and until he does, nothing will change.  You are taking a lot on yourself that you have no control over.....other people's feelings being the biggest issue.  You have no control over another person's feelings....you can't make them happy or unhappy by changing your behavior or by being a better person.  Your dad is fully capable of doing what he needs to do to change what is going on with his wife and if he needs additional help, he can make an appointment with a counselor for marriage counseling.  The issues that are problematic between he and his wife have nothing to do with you.  They have to work them out.

It sounds like your mom may have some issues of her own.  I would encourage you and your dad to visit www.bpdcentral.org and see if you identify with anything that you see there.  If so, you can feel free to contact me again or contact a counselor in your area to discuss this with.  I wish you the very best.  Please feel free to contact me anytime.

Domestic Violence

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Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP

Expertise

I am able to answer questions with regard to problems that result from emotional abuse or physical abuse in both dating and marriage relationships. Having been in an abusive relationship for many years, I know first hand the feelings, the questions and the doubts we go through as we try to make decisions about our lives. Often victims of abuse have deep faith based concerns regarding staying in these kinds of relationships which I am able to address as well.

Experience

My background started as a victim of an emotionally abusive relationship as well as having family members who were victims of violence and physical abuse. I have gone on to become a professional counselor and I work with abused women.

Organizations
American Mental Health Counselors Association, American Association of Christian Counselors, International Association of Prayer Counselors

Publications
I currently maintain a blog at www.livingwellcc.blogspot.com. I also have links and currently written articles on my website at www.livingwellcc.com. You can also follow me on TWITTER @livingwellcc, or on facebook at Living Well Counseling and Consulting. My writings have appeared in The Good News Northwest and the North Idaho Business Journal

Education/Credentials
Licensed Professional Counselor, Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor, Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Certified Natural Health Professional

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