Domestic Violence/no where to run


I have been with my husband for 14yrs our situation is not at all ordinary we have a 13yr old son together who stays with me out a home that husband pay bills at but never stays at. at least for the past 3yrs however he controls everything about my life. there is a story to tell here that is to long to tell but I really am desperate here for I know in my soul that he will one day seriously hurt me if not kill me. I have literally no one that can or will help me. one reason for that is because my husband isn't afraid to die, go to jail, or hurt someone he thinks has wronged him. including my daughter who lives on her own or other family members he has been to prison 4 times for selling drugs and other offenses. I am so scared of him the last time he was violent with me he took a gun and shoved it down my throat with all his body weight. I cant call the police because I know that as with most abusers he will get out and come for me next time may not be so lucky he never forgets or forgives for whatever he thinks you've done wrong never!! when not being physically abused im being told how big of a screw up and a nothing I am I don't work cause he wont let me so I have no means of income he gives me 20$ every two to three days for cigs and gas nothing more nothing less this is only part of my story can you please tell me why does GOD hate me? am I really that terrible of a person that I deserve to suffer everyday as well as my children. please tell me something thank you.

Hi Tina,

Thank you for writing and asking for some ideas of what to do. As you probably know, you are married to man who needs to control you and your life which is why he does the things he does by giving you a little bit of money and using fear tactics such as shoving a gun down your throat.

People as such usually NEVER change—this is who and what he is and your question is what do you need to do to create a happier and healthier life and the answer is to reach out to the nearest domestic violence shelter to get guidance and to find out what resources are available for you and your son. Here is a website that will tell you who to call: You can also call the clerk’s office at the court house and they will give you phone numbers of places close to you.

Your husband has used harmful tactics and creating a “safety plan” for you and your son is very important which the local shelter agency can help you with as well. Confronting individuals as such usually causes more harm than good so would NOT advise you to stand up to him. There are other ways to achieve what you want to do and that needs to be part of your safety plan as you move forward.

Just remember, you do NOT deserve such treatment and you are NOT a terrible person. This is all part of the attempt to keep you right where your husband wants you so that you will comply with his demands. Learning to love and believe in yourself will be part of your “life plan” which will give you the strength to move forward to a happier life.

Please keep asking questions as you move forward and always remember that you have the power to live the life you want to live. You have taken the first step by asking for help and now the second step is calling your domestic violence shelter and let them help you create your life plan. Reaching out to outside sources to help you get where you want to go will provide you with the opportunity you are looking for!

Much peace to you,

Coach Cathy,
Cathy Backlund, Life Coach, Specializing in Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence Education  

Domestic Violence

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Cathy Backlund, Life Coach in Abuse & Domestic Violence


Are you feeling confused, angry, scared or hurt? Are you being yelled at, hit, threaten or told what to do? Do you worry or fear the safety of yourself, your family or pets? These are all signs of an abusive relationship, and I can help you determine if you are in an unhealthy or dangerous situation. No one deserves to live a life filled with fear, pain and abuse, and I am here to help you find ways for a better life--everyone deserves to live a life without fear and abuse. Your questions will be answered with honesty and respect. Please ask questions today to help you find better ways to live a more loving and happier life for you and your family. Let me help you!


I am a Certified Life Coach Specializing in Abuse and Domestic Violence.

•SPARCC (Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •CAT (Sarasota Violence Prevention Community Action Team) •Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

Please visit my webpage for more information and articles about abusive relationships and domestic violence at or www.DomesticViolence-Education.

•B.S. from Evergreen State College, Olympia, WA •Core Competency Course from the Shelter for Abused Women and Children, Naples, Fl •Life Coach Training from Changepoint Coaching & Consulting Association •Advanced Training from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Pathology Education •Sexual Violence Core Training from Florida Council Against Sexual Violence •High Risk Domestic Violence Training by Lundy Bancroft and Sarasota Police Department, Fl •Court Assistance Training from SPARCC (Safe Place and Rape Crisis Center), Sarasota, FL •Principles of Prevention by The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) •Guardian Ad Litem 12th Judicial Circuit of Florida

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