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You are here: Experts > Science > Psychology > Dream Interpretation > my dream
Expert: Peregrin Walker - 11/4/2009
Question
Hi there,
I had a dream a while back there was a girl who i thought looked like a model, but the more i looked at her face she wasnt exactly model material but she had gorgeous hair like i would imagine a model to have, anyway i was with my boyfriend and she was wearing a hat and i thought shes alright to leave my boyfriend with... so i left my boyfriend with her, and they chatted etc. I then came back later to find them behind the door nearly kissing she was coming on to him im sure they kissed? i was so hurt i ran away crying. in real life a few months later i go to my boyfriends work to drop him some lunch off and there was this girl with the same long gorgeous hair like the one in my dream, i find shes really attractive looking girl but i haven't seen her up close isnt this strange?
I also had another dream my boyfriend cheated on me, i known about the ones he kissed in the dream but yet i seemed fine with him kissing other girls. But this one he had slept with, i didnt know untill i find his boxers in the washing basket haha and i was wondering why they were off, he was sleeping with the other girl. i was absolute hurt, i couldn't stop crying and i didnt know what to do, but in the end i told him "your dumped" for sleeping with another girl.
any help what this could mean?
thanks
Answer
Good morning, Nicole.
Jealousy is not limited to the standard definitions of "cheating." Often we feel jealous simply because the one we love is spending time away. Whether it is a job, a sport, a hobby, or just lunch with a friend, this is time that your boyfriend should (in your mind) be spending with you. Needless to say, it is not a rational emotion. If he were to quit his job to spend more time with you then he would soon be homeless. But the green-eyed monster cares little for logic.
It's also in our natures to compare ourselves with others. Is that person more attractive than I am? Thinner? More fun? Better in bed? These are envious thoughts, which is really just another kind of jealousy. But these thoughts dovetail with suspicion of cheating, and that, I think, is the cause of your dreams.
I believe it's possible that you may have caught a glimpse of the co-worker's hair from the back at some point before your dream, but didn't think anything of it because there was no reason to think about it. Meanwhile, your boyfriend seems to be tied up for lunch more than you - you said that you dropped off some lunch for him, which means he couldn't leave work but you had the time free. This is time you wish he could spend with you - there comes a jealous thought. Then you had the dream about him kissing someone with hair just like that, so now you are on the lookout for that kind of hair.
Rationally, you know that you should not feel jealous over people at his job, and you have succeeded in quelling those urges. Equate the kissing in the dream with the time he spends with female co-workers - it's okay if he spends time with them, he just shouldn't be intimate about it - meaning that, he shouldn't enjoy time with co-workers - male or female! - as much as he enjoys time with you.
My opinion is that the unknown is always more scary than the known. I believe that a good way to get over jealousy would be for you to meet some of the people your boyfriend works with. Perhaps you can all meet for drinks or coffee after work. Also, encourage him to talk about his day and take a real interest in it. As you begin to understand his work relationships, and even feel that you are becoming a part of them, they are not likely to seem so threatening.
Pleasant dreams,
Peregrin
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